... To not announce the birth of my baby to her father?

[Ihatechoosingausername]

I'm going to be giving birth in a couple of weeks.

I am split up from the father and I have tried throughout the pregnancy to keep up an amiable relationship with him.

Now, however, I am at the end of my tether.

I am sick of how disrespectful he is towards me when we speak and no longer wish to have any contact with him.

Do I have to tell him when his daughter is born? Should I put him on the birth certificate? Do I have to continue speaking to him to arrange visits?

What is the 'right' thing to do?

He will never change his attitude towards me.

I've ordered a new SIM card today so I can change my mobile number, and i'm going to block him on Facebook once 48 hour cool-down limit has been reached (i unblocked him today as he apologised to me for being rude last night when I wrote the original post, but that is just how the cycle goes).

Luckily he lives quite far from me and so do all his friends and relatives. I have started to get to know other mums in my area but I won't be able to remain here permanently as it's my mum's house and it's a little cramped what with me, mum, my brother and the baby on the way.

I don't think I realised how serious this is. It's been very useful to read people's experiences in similar situations. This is my first baby so I'm not entirely clued up yet about how responsible I am for this little life. I know when she's here I wouldn't let her come to any harm.

The contract I signed with SS has encouraged me to distance myself with the ex. I thought that because they only mentioned physical contact, messaging him wouldn't cause a problem. It obviously has because of the feelings it's caused me to have.

I felt guilty before for ignoring him when he contacted because I felt like I was denying him something (He likes to tell me how sad he's feeling and how messed up he is). If our relationship of only a year and half could go bad so quick, then it's likely, very likely, he'll be just as bad in the future. (As with many abusive relationships it got bad quick and stayed bad. The whole bad week then good week cycle became consistent).

I just have to cut contact completely. He lost his chance to have it the 'easy' way when he started to be nasty to me.

You seem so much more determined and resilient in your latest post. Try to keep it up, in a short while you will have someone relying on you to be strong! He deserves nothing from you, get ss to inform him when the baby arrives if you want but no direct contact. Keep your boundaries and concentrate on yourself and your baby

oh ok cruickshank I only read the originial question which made absolutely no mention of social services or domestic abuse just that he speaks disrespecfully towards her. Social services would probably be much better qualified to advise (since they hopefully know all the facts) than random people on mumsnet who clearly don't. I hope you find the solution OP x

having read more and seeing that social services have advised you to keep your distance then I think you should do that. You are stronger than you think. Dont do anything without discussing it with your social worker first and listen to them because they are objective. Good luck x

I don't understand the permission thing that people keep referring to. My son is 8 and hasn't seen his dad since he was 1. His dad's name is on the birth certificate but I haven't had to ask his permission for anything at all during that time, including going abroad.

OP is in touch with this wretched man's sister. She can tell him that OP has given birth to a daughter, not the precise date, certainly not the place, both well (I hope, if not as the case may be) and leave it at that.

FloozeyLoozey it is illegal to take a child out of the country even for one day without the permission of everyone with parental responsibility unless you have a residence order from court when you can then take them out for up to 30 days. Of course the father would have to know and report you for it to be a problem in most instances. There are other things as well like school choice or medical treatment that a nrp with pr can demand an input in again not a problem if everyone is reasonable but if the nrp is abusive it can be used as a method of control.