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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DH to ask if I wanted to eat?

33 replies

oranges · 16/10/2014 22:54

I had a work related drinks do that I asked DH along to. the idea was we would go out for dinner afterwards. in the end he suggested we meet a group of friends who were at a pub. they'd already eaten so we ordered drinks. after a while I looked up and DH ejo was at the other end if the table had ordered food without telling me.im actually quite hurt at his lack of chivalry it something. he can't see the big deal. but I wouldn't have ordered in those circa without asking him if he wanted something.

OP posts:
Coughle · 16/10/2014 22:55

He probably figured you would have ordered something if you'd wanted. Why didn't you?

Behoove · 16/10/2014 22:56

Rude and ignorant.

Original poster
oranges · 16/10/2014 22:58

because id assume at sine point we'd look at the menu and order together. neither of us had eaten and we'd agreed to eat together.

OP posts:
TheAwfulDaughter · 16/10/2014 22:59

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Original poster
oranges · 16/10/2014 22:59

I did order after that but was just a bit bemused he hadn't told me he was ordering

OP posts:
Original poster
oranges · 16/10/2014 23:01

no he offers cups of tea at home. but I've been feeling a bit alone recently and this just added to that feeling.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 16/10/2014 23:02

I would be quite pissed off at that.

Why did he do it?

Elderflowergranita · 16/10/2014 23:04

Yes, very rude. Was he trying to make a point?

Don't blame you for feeling hurt, I would be too.

Trills · 16/10/2014 23:05

If he had not yet ordered when you arrived I'd expect him to speak to you and ask whether you'd already eaten and what your plans were.

Minshu · 16/10/2014 23:08

Perhaps he assumed you would be thinking the same as him about getting food there and then, and felt unable to extricate himself from the conversations he was in to check in with you? A little thoughtless, but if he's normally not a tw@t, I'd let it go.

LadyLuck10 · 16/10/2014 23:19

Yanbu very rude of him.

maras2 · 16/10/2014 23:24

How unbelievably rude. [shocked] My DH would never in a million years order anything without asking me,or anyone who was with us,if we wanted anything.The same goes for me too.

Trills · 16/10/2014 23:24

If they are in a pub then he extricated himself from the conversation enough to go to the bar and order it...

PurpleSwift · 16/10/2014 23:42

My oh would never do this. It just seems so rude and inconsiderate.

whois · 17/10/2014 08:28

Perhaps he assumed you would be thinking the same as him about getting food there and then, and felt unable to extricate himself from the conversations he was in to check in with you?

Oh come on, social situations just don't work like that! He had to go to the bar anyway.

It's not the crime of the century, but it's a bit off he didn't say 'I'm getting a burger, do you want anything'.

Itsjustmeagain · 17/10/2014 09:29

Thats really odd, my DH can be oblivious sometimes but he would never ignore me like that. I would probably have said something at the time - not in an angry confrontational way but just something like " hey dh I thought we would both be ordering together". If its a one off its not worth an argument in my opinion but it is strange!

HeadingHome · 17/10/2014 09:39

YANBU This was very rude!

Oldraver · 17/10/2014 09:47

Very rude. Did you ask him why he did this ?

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 17/10/2014 09:55

Was he trying to feel single? Is this a thing with him? Seems like he wanted to be "alone" that night....he was very rude since you had already planned to eat afterwards!

SocialMediaAddict · 17/10/2014 10:03

That's rude. Did one of his friends order for you?

Original poster
oranges · 17/10/2014 10:56

I just ordered myself and ate at the other end of the table, a bit later than him, while chatting to the group who were just having drinks by that stage. Everyone was very friendly and overall I had a good time. The meal bit was just a bit weird.

OP posts:
ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 17/10/2014 11:03

Why would the OP need one of his friends to order for her? Confused

Did DH tell you why he never suggested eating there to you BEFORE he ordered OP?

Aridane · 17/10/2014 11:07

If there was quite a large crowd of people, I would think that fine (though a bit thoughtless). If only half a dozen or so, not really on

BolshierAyraStark · 17/10/2014 11:13

Odd & very rude behaviour, I'd have been pissed off too.

Original poster
oranges · 17/10/2014 11:26

I just ordered for myself and ate, a bit later than him, at the other end of the table while chatting to the others who just had drinks by then. there were about 8 people there. i had quite a nice evening. was just weird behaviour by him

OP posts: