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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the school are too quick to send the dc's home?

45 replies

extremepie · 16/10/2014 21:11

School called my sister to pick up my ds early from school today stating that he was 'really unwell' and needed to go home urgently (I was at college).

When I got home she informed me that initially he had been a little sluggish and quiet but had cheered up and was back to his usual bouncy self. By the time I had arrived home he was hyper as normal and jumping all over the sofa etc. Ds is autistic so usually it's very obvious when he is sick - although he can't tell you his whole demeanour changes and he basically will lie down, sleep and not move, eat, drink or make a sound for several days until he is feeling better. He was definitely not like that today!

This isn't the first time that the school have sent the dc's home for, I think, very weak reasons. They both had a rash a few months ago and they were convinced it was chicken pox and made me take them home despite me getting confirmation from a nhs direct nurse and a doctor that it was not chicken pox. They had no other symptoms at the time.

They have also sent ds1 home on a few occasions saying he was 'really unwell' and yet when I pick him up he looks, feels and seems totally normal - asking to help with decorating, watching tv, asking for sweets etc.

Aibu to think they are too quick to send them home? I understand that if a child says they are ill then they should act but can they really not see the difference between a child who is a bit tired and sluggish, or one who just fancies going home and a child who is genuinely sick? My sister had to leave work early to pick them up so we are both annoyed that she had to lose half a day's wage for no real reason!

OP posts:
Original poster
extremepie · 16/10/2014 21:14

I also suspect that ds2 'being ill' might have had something to do with the fact that his usual 1:1 has been sick herself all this week. Despite them telling me they had found a replacement so he could still attend the after school club so I could attend college, I think it's very convenient that he was 'ill' today and had to leave school early, thus freeing up the alternative 1:1 to fulfil their normal duties :/

OP posts:
CatKisser · 16/10/2014 21:15

Hmm, sorry but as a teacher who's had a ton of shit from parents in the past for telling children to "keep going until break and let's see how you feel," I don't agree.

CatKisser · 16/10/2014 21:17

My "not agreeing" was in this ituation in general, not this specific situation, btw!

CatKisser · 16/10/2014 21:18

*My "not agreeing" was in general, not this specific situation, btw!

Sigh, long week!

KnittedJimmyChoos · 16/10/2014 21:18

We are the other way my child has been kept in school when has said she feels really ill and she has needed to come home

did you tell your school your son has tendencies to over play his illness? if they knew this and it had been clearly communitcated to them, perhaps they have sent him home too soon but if they dont know...would rather they err on side of caution

chocolateyvelvet · 16/10/2014 21:19

Yes, you largely have to ask the child if they feel well enough to be in school and if they say no ... Confused

It's difficult. I won't know (when the time comes) how to deal with this. I used to hate being sent to school when I did feel ill but at the same time kids do try it on.

Strictly1 · 16/10/2014 21:20

I'm with CarKisser - we can't win!

Pixiedust49 · 16/10/2014 21:20

They're teachers, not medical professionals. Better to be safe than sorry.

WorraLiberty · 16/10/2014 21:20

My youngest DS used to keep telling the staff he felt unwell when he didn't...he just wanted to get sent home.

When I told the school that 9 times out of 10 he was absolutely fine when he gets home, they told me I could always bring him back again.

I only had to do it once and it nipped it in the bud Grin

Strictly1 · 16/10/2014 21:21

Sorry catkisser autocorrect!

MyFabulousBoys · 16/10/2014 21:23

My guess would be that for some reason it is easier for them if he goes home....

CherryDolphin · 16/10/2014 21:24

I'm willing to bet that he was a lot worse when your sister was called and probably perked up afterwards. Whether the perking had to do with being sent home I don't know. IME schools don't tend to send kids home for any old reason.

mimishimmi · 16/10/2014 21:25

I only think it's unreasonable that your sister has to leave her work to pick up your child. Why can't you do it? You should at least pay her for the half day of work she's lost.

Original poster
extremepie · 16/10/2014 21:25

It's difficult because obviously I know my dc's better than they do but, for example, there was a day recently when ds1 was asking lots of 'pointed questions' like 'if I was sick, what would happen, would I be able to come to college with you or stay at home watching tv?' - I told them this when we got to school because I suspected that a 'I'm sick' performance would follow during the day and sure enough towards the end of the day they phoned saying the ds had been sick. He confessed on the way home that he was lying when I pointed out that sick children don't get to go to beavers :D

Yet they still expected me to keep him off school! The chicken pox thing was just ridiculous, I had to get three separate people to definitively say it was not chicken pox (as I had said the whole time) before they would allow them back to school.

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 16/10/2014 21:26

Believe me medical professionals are worse and bloody smug with it.

School nurse tried to get DD to stay until lunch when she was feeling absolutely awful. DD was 13 and is not the sort of child who tries it on.

The old, almost certainly less qualified matron, would have rang straight away.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 16/10/2014 21:28

New one made a massive fuss and caused me of questioning her professional abilities. No I'm just suggesting I might know DD slightly better than you do after a week in post.

LadyLuck10 · 16/10/2014 21:29

So imagine if he was sick and they forced him to stay in school, I'm pretty sure you would have a huge problem with thatHmm
I truly feel sorry for teachers.

CherryDolphin · 16/10/2014 21:29

That was similar to my experience of getting sent home sick from school Elephants.

My money is still on him being worse before he was picked up.

BlackIvy · 16/10/2014 21:31

Teaching 30 healthy children is hard enough!

Trollsworth · 16/10/2014 21:32

I have noticed that children who need one to one care frequently get sent home wi spurious reasons, especially if theya re unable to say "but there isn't anything wrong with me"

My friends son got sent home with "a bit of diarrhoea", "feeling a bit hot", "looking a bit pale", "very snotty today"

When collected there was clearly nothing wrong with him. But when I started going with his mum and asking to speak to his support lsa, she was always off, for some reason Hmm

42notTrendy · 16/10/2014 21:32

How are the staff to know if he is genuinely unwell or not? It's not normal to send children home on a whim, or to make life easy on the staff. If he so convincingly unwell, what else would you expect them to do?

Original poster
extremepie · 16/10/2014 21:33

Mimi - I didn't ask her to do it, it just happened to be that they managed to get hold of her first and the journey for her was shorter - I was at college at the time, a 2hr journey away.

Cherry, my sister knows ds very well and she said he didn't seem ill at all just a bit tired. The difference is normally very obvious.

Fabulous - it's not the first time they have sent him home to make life easier, there has been more than one occasion when they have told me not to bring him in because they didn't have anyone free to act as his 1:1 :/ That's what makes me suspect they will send him home with little provocation!

OP posts:
JennyBlueWren · 16/10/2014 21:37

When you put him back in have a chat with this teacher (or 1:1 if she's back). It can be hard to judge if a child is just a bit off and can last the day or is about to throw up everywhere or is suffering being in the classroom.

On a more general note I found that infants often couldn't tell the difference between hunger or indigestion and sickness so if they hadn't had breakfast or it was nearly lunch time children would be telling me they felt sick or if they were inclined to rush their snack while running around then they'd be sick too.

However there's always one parent who'll think you're neglecting their child if you don't send for them as soon as they complain of a headache/sore tummy.

If siblings have a rash then it would signal alarm bells for an infection of some sort so would be erring on the side of caution before you've lost half your class to it (which is VERY disruptive to everyone's learning) and the teachers go down with it too! In nursery we would only accept a child with a rash if we're told what it is and know it's not infectious.

CherryDolphin · 16/10/2014 22:19

extremepie I meant before your sister picked him up.

Icimoi · 16/10/2014 23:52

The fact that your child is autistic makes me think you are right to be suspicious, OP. It happens far too often that schools find an excuse to send children with SEN home when keeping them in school is inconvenient either because of their behaviour or because they want to divert their TA to other activities.