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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think the school are too quick to send the dc's home?

45 replies

extremepie · 16/10/2014 21:11

School called my sister to pick up my ds early from school today stating that he was 'really unwell' and needed to go home urgently (I was at college).

When I got home she informed me that initially he had been a little sluggish and quiet but had cheered up and was back to his usual bouncy self. By the time I had arrived home he was hyper as normal and jumping all over the sofa etc. Ds is autistic so usually it's very obvious when he is sick - although he can't tell you his whole demeanour changes and he basically will lie down, sleep and not move, eat, drink or make a sound for several days until he is feeling better. He was definitely not like that today!

This isn't the first time that the school have sent the dc's home for, I think, very weak reasons. They both had a rash a few months ago and they were convinced it was chicken pox and made me take them home despite me getting confirmation from a nhs direct nurse and a doctor that it was not chicken pox. They had no other symptoms at the time.

They have also sent ds1 home on a few occasions saying he was 'really unwell' and yet when I pick him up he looks, feels and seems totally normal - asking to help with decorating, watching tv, asking for sweets etc.

Aibu to think they are too quick to send them home? I understand that if a child says they are ill then they should act but can they really not see the difference between a child who is a bit tired and sluggish, or one who just fancies going home and a child who is genuinely sick? My sister had to leave work early to pick them up so we are both annoyed that she had to lose half a day's wage for no real reason!

OP posts:

BonnieBeaumont · 17/10/2014 00:08

I don't blame the school for seeking confirmation re. chicken pox. For all you know there could be pregnant members of staff. In the early stages of my last pregnancy I had a child sent into my class with slapped cheek and another with hand, foot and mouth. It may have been completely unrelated but I miscarried.

Original poster

extremepie · 17/10/2014 00:21

I'm sorry for your loss Bonnie :(

I just don't see why they had to have it confirmed 3 times before they would accept it wasn't chicken pox and let them come back to school!

OP posts:

BonnieBeaumont · 17/10/2014 00:23

That does seem excessive alright!

Strictly1 · 17/10/2014 06:34

Sadly I've had many parents send their children in after they have been sick etc because they can't find child care or miss a day of work. I fully understand it's difficult but it's also not fair to infect the rest of the school. I always try to keep children in school if I can but it can be difficult judge and for some parents we are then judged as wrong for doing that.

skylark2 · 17/10/2014 08:02

I don't think "not chicken pox" is a good enough reason for them to not be concerned about a rash. IMO you'd need medical confirmation that it was not infectious.

When DS was going through a difficult period in junior school, he would "be ill" before a lesson that he hadn't done the homework for / got his books for and so on. He's always been able to make himself throw up a bit very easily, so he got away with it for a while. Once we and the school realised there was another issue and started doing homework and organisation micromanagement, it stopped.

DownByTheRiverside · 17/10/2014 08:08

I agree that it's always a tricky judgement call, and harder if you are juggling another 30+ children at the time. You just can't monitor a sick child as closely as a parent if you are teaching a class at the same time.
If you feel that there are other issues in play, you need to have that conversation with the school. If he feels that he's ill and should go home, and the teacher says 'Let's see how you feel at break time' or words to that effect, would he then accept the ruling or feel that it was unfair and kick off?
Are you prepared to have him in school and ill, if the judgement call was wrong?

TeamScotland · 17/10/2014 08:47

My children always seem to have a miraculous recovery as soon as we get in the car get home. I'd still rather be called though.

Original poster

extremepie · 17/10/2014 09:24

Down, ds2 can't really talk properly so he isn't capable of saying he doesn't feel well and wants to go home so it's them that make that decision. He also wouldn't understand if they tried to talk to him about it! This is why, for me, his behaviour is the only indicator of him feeling sick and his behaviour was totally normal to me.

He also has a 1:1 so they can monitor him closely but like I said I feel like it's more convienient for him not to be there so they send him home :(

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 17/10/2014 09:30

I would rather go and get mine if in any doubt.
I collected my DD in tears last term at end of school one day, she had tummy ache ( was under consultant for it as school knew) and had asked for me to be called 3 times but there was a supply teacher in who refused to call me. I was really annoyed and her teacher agreed with me that I should have been called.
Having said that I work from home and the school is a 5 minute drive away so it's not hard for me to get them

Lambsie · 17/10/2014 09:43

It is not uncommon for children with sn to be sent home ill when they are not actually ill. It happened to my son regularly. If it is happening to both your children though, it might be that the school is just being over cautious.

Original poster

extremepie · 17/10/2014 10:05

In their defense at least ds1 does tell them he is sick/has thrown up etc so I guess it's harder for them to say 'no you aren't!'

Ds2 gets sent home far more often than ds1, plus he has to miss more school for appointments & such and he's only just started attending school full time after over a year of part time timetables so I just really don't want him to miss any more unless absolutely necessary
:/

OP posts:

DownByTheRiverside · 17/10/2014 10:11

So what's the answer?
Teachers retrain as medics in addition to being educators?
Parents stop metaphorically kicking you when you send children home or when you don't send children home, because they disagree with the decision?
I'm better at judging a child's level of illness and distress now, after 2 children of my own and years of experience, but what is the answer?
Don't be too cautious? Don't be too dismissive?

Lambsie · 17/10/2014 10:16

Keep a record of when he gets sent home, what the reason given is and how he is when he gets home so you have evidence if you need it. I found that I was getting phone calls at the end of lunchtime so by the time I got there, afternoon school had started and he was not being recorded as missing any school.

Original poster

extremepie · 17/10/2014 10:25

Down, I'm not suggesting that I just think with my child in particular, given his communication difficulties, there are several very clear behavioural markers than indicate he is unwell. For him they are; being very quiet, being very still, wanting to sleep a lot, refusing food and drink. If he doesn't display those markers, don't send him home!

Being tired/grumpy/uncooperative etc is not the same as being sick it just means he's fed up & doesn't want to engage with the task. I've already had a phone call this morning saying 'he's not himself' (which I sort of think is code for 'we want to send him home') but I know there is nothing physically wrong with him, he was running around the kitchen this morning asking for toast!

OP posts:

DownByTheRiverside · 17/10/2014 10:43

Yup, but your thread title is much less specific than that, it's a general question about schools sending dcs home too quickly.
My DS has Aspergers, even now at the age of 19, he hasn't got a clue when he's ill. I have to tell him.

MiaowTheCat · 17/10/2014 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/10/2014 12:47

Brilliant, worra... if only my mum had done that I might have been better at tech drawing than I was...

tethersend · 17/10/2014 13:32

"there has been more than one occasion when they have told me not to bring him in because they didn't have anyone free to act as his 1:1 :/"

This is an illegal exclusion.

I think it would be a good idea to meet with the school and give them a helpful list of behaviours your DS exhibits when he's ill. At the same time be very clear that you will not be collecting him when they are experiencing staffing issues, as he is entitled to a full time education.

Original poster

extremepie · 17/10/2014 14:21

Tethers, it really wound me up at the time but I wasn't really sure what I could do about it as if I brought him in anyway it would not have been very safe for him to not to have a 1:1 :(

Probably would be a good idea to tell them his 'signs of illness' but I would have thought they have an idea by now since he's been there nearly 2yrs!

OP posts:

tethersend · 17/10/2014 14:27

They probably do know- but best to provide them with a list, in the interests of clarity

Absolutely no to picking him up when they are short staffed- they are acting illegally by asking that you do so. There should be more than one member of staff trained to work with him in the event of staff illness.

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