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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

..to think it's not too much to ask school staff to wipe a 4yr old's nose??

50 replies

abneysporridge · 16/10/2014 19:35

My ds2 started reception in sept and is a little July baby with slight learning difficulties - needless to say, he struggles to blow/wipe his own nose. The teacher pulled me aside at pick up today and said the other children are starting to isolate him and call him gross because he has snot coming down his nose, particularly at lunch time when they're trying to eat, and maybe I should take him to the doctor in case he has an infection. He has a cold but is otherwise well - no fever/ fatigue / sluggishness or headaches etc, but I played ball and managed to get him seen tonight by a lovely lady doctor. She gave him a thorough inspection and was happy there was no infection present, so I'm happy to send him back to school tomrw. The teacher was insinuating that I should keep him off school until his mucus clears up...but if he's not suffering in any other way I don't see why he should miss out on learning. It's simply a case of getting him through this cold, and hopefully by the time he gets the next one, he'll be better at sorting out his own nose. In the meantime, can't they wipe the fecking thing for him?! I know it's a bit gross but Jesus he's barely 4 yrs old - I can't wave a wand and give him nose wiping skills (would that I could!), and because he's a slow learner and poss on the autistic spectrum it will take him a little longer to figure it out, just as it does most things.
Am I way out of line here thinking that they should be more patient???

OP posts:

hollie84 · 16/10/2014 19:38

I would tell the teacher that due to his SN he needs reminding to wipe his nose. Email it to her and copy in the Senco.

Ridiculous that they can't direct him to a tissue when necessary!

furcoatbigknickers · 16/10/2014 19:38

I think you need to have a chat to the sraff about them helping him to learn ti do it

furcoatbigknickers · 16/10/2014 19:39

Yes Hollie but op wants staff to do it

mumof6needssanity · 16/10/2014 19:41

I'm afraid i think you are being a bit unreasonable. I have 6 dc, some with sn some are nt.
From 2 they have all been wiping their own nose and blowing from about 3.
( I have to admit my 4yr ds does tend to use his sleave though, the yucky little thing )

WD41 · 16/10/2014 19:41

Yanbu. They're still only babies at that age, how hard would it be just to wipe his nose

SirChenjin · 16/10/2014 19:41

Yes, of course they should do it - or at the very least, remind him he needs to use a hanky and help him do it. They can manage to sort out poo and wee when children have accidents, so I fail to see why a runny nose is beyond them, esp. give his SN and the fact that other children are starting to notice and be unkind. It might also be worth asking the teacher to have a class talk about 'kindness'.

hollie84 · 16/10/2014 19:42

I see, maybe practice nose-wiping with him at home too then. Can he manage toileting by himself?

Stripylikeatiger · 16/10/2014 19:42

I think reminding him to do it is a good idea, I assume he wipes his own bum after going to the toilet so dealing with his nose shouldn't be such a big jump. Do you make sure his nose is constantly clean at home so he doesn't get use to the feeling of snot?

Besta · 16/10/2014 19:43

There's a child where I work just like this but every time anyone goes near him with a tissue he pulls away. Mum has asked we wipe his nose but because he's so flighty it's impossible to do it every time (and he has a lot of snot). We just can't spend 5 minutes every half hot chasing him to have his nose wiped. He stands still for mum to wipe it though so she obviously thinks he's the same at school.

Idefix · 16/10/2014 19:43

Yabvvvr! This makes me so mad, it's there job to make sure that children are not isolated or call your ds names because he has a runny nose, glasses, overweight, cleft palette I could go on!
I would make a point of supplying them with a box/packets of children and remind them of his age and needs. She sounds like a lazy, Nasty person I would remind her that development of social skills and self caring skills are part of her remit as an early years teacher!
I hope ds's cold gets better.

TrisisFour · 16/10/2014 19:46

This is ridiculous!! What is wrong with these people that they would rather stand by and see a child get picked on than help an 'only just 4 year old' to wipe his nose ffs!!! Outrageous op, your poor little man. [Sad]

CarryOnDancing · 16/10/2014 19:47

I can't understand how a teacher could let kids call him gross and let him be isolated rather than wipe his nose first and then discuss it with you. Even if they provided a tissue and guided him through doing it himself but it doesn't sound like they've done that. I'd discuss it with the teacher.

You know he doesn't have to be there at this age though don't you?

Idefix · 16/10/2014 19:47

their - not on stellar form at the mo as suffering from a brutal cold of my own lol!

m0therofdragons · 16/10/2014 19:49

It's reasonable to expect a teacher to remind a reception pupils to wipe their noses but can you practice at home? My dtds are August babies and will start school 2 days after turning 4 next September. They've been wiping their noses since 2.5 years. Is it linked to sen issues or is it a dc who is oblivious to snot - I think it's important to make a distinction and not always blame sen but equally if sen is the reason then school have support and it can be included in the school's plan for your dc.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 16/10/2014 19:53

Good grief that's awful.

As a TA in reception class I had a pack of tissues always handy.

Couldn't stand to see snotty noses so would show the kids how to wipe and help them.

Ffs it's seconds.

Rocadaboyce · 16/10/2014 19:59

YANBU. Had exactly the same issue with DS last year. I lived in fear of him getting colds (inevitably perpetual). He had lots of comments from other kids calling it "disgusting". Fortunately he was fairly oblivious. I stuffed tissues in every pocket, sleeve and book bag. It's partially sensory for him so he just wasn't aware of it, even to wipe on his sleeve. I requested that the teacher or teaching assistant remind him and they talked to the whole class about kind words. We had/have the same issues with bum wiping. Does he have an IEP or alternative. We put self care as one of DS's targets. Not what you need to be dealing with at the start of reception.

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 20:02

Had the exact problem with Dd1 although it wasnt just snot it was food from 3 hours before, the teacher and senco had been to THREE meetings with nuRsery and were completely aware of her needs but just didnt bother.... weve moved her to a special needs school and the change is immeasurable, she is so much cleaner and in turn much much happier

LaurieMarlow · 16/10/2014 20:04

It's idiotic of her to suggest you keep him at home because he's a little bit snotty. FFS, you'd think they'd be trying to encourage good attendance.

Surely it's not too much to expect her to remind him and show him if necessary?

TheMagicChicken · 16/10/2014 20:06

a little July baby with slight learning difficulties

What is he diagnosed with?

littlesupersparks · 16/10/2014 20:09

Even if she doesn't want to wipe it (and I don't really see why not - surely reception kids need this all the time!) then why the hell can't she have a box of tissues and pass him one?! I would do that for my secondary age kids! And if I had a snotty year 7 who people thought was 'disgusting' sure as hell I would intervene and help as much as I could!!!!! YANBU

Original poster

abneysporridge · 16/10/2014 20:09

Thanks all, glad I'm not being called an unreasonable biatch! To be fair the teacher and TA do wipe his nose and guide him thru doing it himself, as do we at home. In fact today, he actually said 'I got a snotty nose' and went to grab a tissue himself and gave it a wipe! Hurrah! So I really do think he'll get there, he's just going to need a lot of help along the way. I think it's mainly the lunch time staff, who are lazy at best, refusing to go near his nose.
Regarding his SN, I'm starting to get the feeling I'll be fighting tooth and nail for every last scrap of support we can get . I mean surely a child who needs additional help with learning obviously needs some slack cut in the personal care dept?! My dh is a teacher though so knows the ins and outs of SN guidelines and practices.
And luckily ds2 doesn't seem aware of the other kids ostracising him - I'm not happy about it though.

OP posts:

Fabulous46 · 16/10/2014 20:12

The teacher will have 30ish kids in the class. She most likely won't sit with them at lunchtime. Personally I remember a kid at school with a constant green snot line down his face. I never ate near that child as it made me feel sick. Can you have a word with the school and perhaps a TA could help him wipe his nose? I also agree with teaching him how to do it at home.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/10/2014 20:14

Yanbu at all. How hard is it for a TA to grab a tissue and wipe his nose fgs. They are dealing with young children, not junior school. Instead of talking about children Making fun of him and isolating him, do something about it and wipe his noise. Blimey why are some people in this jib when they cannot look after a child's wellbeing!

Original poster

abneysporridge · 16/10/2014 20:15

Magic chicken - he has had speech and language help since age 2 and they think it's 'auditory processing delay' with autistic tendencies, however we haven't obtained a statement yet - I think I will push for one as I want him to get as much support as possible.

OP posts:

hollie84 · 16/10/2014 20:36

So the teacher and TA do wipe his nose?

The lunchtime staff have huge numbers of kids, few adults, and are under time pressure to get everyone through lunch time. They probably don't have tissues to hand either. So lunch times will be more difficult. Can you put a hankie in his pocket and practice lots at home?

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