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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what on earth my sister lives about her 'd'h...?

51 replies

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 17:51

I cannot fathom it.
Shes is 18, he is 19. He cheats on her all the time and sexts other younger girls, reminds her that he pays for everything, tries to isolate her from her family and already has isolated her from her friends, is a drug user and dealer, has been violent on a couple of occasions, ruins her time when shes away from him by ringinf her all day.
The list is endless and its so frustrating, shes an articulate, educated, attractive girl who was so confident. I dispair.
She cant tell me what she loves about him but wont leave him.
I just wanted someone to sound off to, sorry.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 16/10/2014 17:52

Gosh, that's an awful lot of life lived in high drama for an 18yo

Does she know no different ? What was your upbringing like ?

SocialMediaAddict · 16/10/2014 17:55

Awful. What do your parents do?

Original poster

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 17:59

Opening a big bag of worms there, her dh is very similar to her father (we have different dads).
She had a lovely boyfriend before him. He is actually disgusting. Today it has come to a heqd because he called my autistic daughter "A downy spastic" and was saying my DP sexually abuses my daughters (100% not true) and went into graphic detail. Im so frustrated I could cry.
She has been living with me and my little ones and dp for the last 3 months as her dp strangled her. Weve just paid a deposit and signed up as a guarentor for her to get her own place so she is moving out tomorrow. He is ruining her life. As it stands she doesnt have a job and since being at ours shes had 2 lots of work experience with possible jobs at the end of it but her dp wants her backat his and was saying she can do Avon......

OP posts:

Original poster

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 18:00

She has no relationship woth our parents which is sad and i feel a little responsible for her

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 16/10/2014 18:02

Are they married or not ?

Seriouslyffs · 16/10/2014 18:03

Look after yourself Fixer
It sounds heartbreaking.

Original poster

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 18:08

Nope, not married, thank heavens, no children either.
Thankyou Serious.

OP posts:

MrsJuice · 16/10/2014 18:08

That struck me too AF. They are actually married?
That is nuts at 18 IMHO - even if it's a good relationship.
I'm not sure what you can do to help her, other than being there for her when it inevitably goes to shit.

AnyFucker · 16/10/2014 18:11

Ah, ok. It's just you called him her husband

That's a relief. She has less of a tie to him. I hope her contraception is rock solid too.

TrendStopper · 16/10/2014 18:12

I have a friend who is with a guy kinda similar. She says that she knows that he is no good for her but she stays with him. All I can do is be there for her when she finally kicks him to the kerb.

Your sister is only 18 so when she finally sees sense she can still have a long happy life.

Original poster

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 18:17

Ah sugar, I wasn't thinking. Well not so it may seem, hes already forced her to have one termination. I wish I could lock her away for a while.
I cannot even explain what a scumbag he is. Along with the rest of his criminal record he robbed a mentally disabled man at his cashpoint. He is currently on bail awaiting trial for drug dealing so for now my only hope is to hope he goes to jail. Im also so angry for her for going with him considering what he said about her neices she professes to love.
Me and my partner are "Stegs" (Ive never heard that term in my life) because I work and my dp cares for our disabled child.
He lives in a flat that his nan owns so pays 0 rent, uses his mums car no insurance or liscence and goes to work hardly ever. I cannot see a way out of this in the long run that doesnt invoolve my sister being seriously hurt.

OP posts:

Bulbasaur · 16/10/2014 18:20

Love makes people stupid.

Children often look up to their parents for how a relationship should be. If her father was a dick, she might be attracted to those types because they don't know what else to look for. She's still a baby, and a product of her upbringing. Hopefully when she snaps out of it, she'll have a better idea about what she wants in a mate so that this doesn't happen again.

MrsJuice · 16/10/2014 18:29

Best advice I can think of is to report him for every illegal activity that you are aware of.
The more time he is incarcerated, the better.

SocialMediaAddict · 16/10/2014 18:32

Next time he's driving report him.

What does your sister say when you ask her why she's with him?

Original poster

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 18:33

The police are aware of everything, next time he drives down here in his mums car Im going to call the poilce straight away. Because of his no liscence or insurance she had to say it was stolen by him last time it happened.
Im at my wits end, i feel like cutting her off completely because Im sick to death of the drama but I know thats exactly what he wants, because she'll then have nobody.

OP posts:

BreadForBrains · 16/10/2014 18:35

The whole situation sounds dreadful.
Has she actually said to you that she's unhappy though? I mean, obviously he sounds hideous, but has he brainwashed her into thinking they will have a life together? Is she actively trying to get rid of him?
Take care of yourself

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 16/10/2014 18:36

Yep report him to crime stoppers for anything illegal he does.

He sounds a fucking bastard op. Let's hope he goes to jail.

Original poster

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 18:52

Shes said she hates him and he makes her nervous and on edge all the time, Ive seen him threaten to go out and cheat on her if she didnt go to his one night....so she went. I want to shake her and kill him.

OP posts:

TheMagicChicken · 16/10/2014 19:25

What is a 'steg'?

Original poster

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 19:31

Exactly Chicken !! I rthonk its lke loser or

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Original poster

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 19:32

Something. My days my 10mo is grabbing my phone sorry!

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britishbakeoffblues · 16/10/2014 19:34

I'd be reporting every little thing to the police.
Steggie - A human being, who has extreme characteristics, such as high intelligence, athleticism, strength, extreme perseverance, non-worldly, idealistic viewpoints, and a hard-nosed, hard-workingattitude. His prioritization skills are magnificent. But on the opposite end of such characteristics, he tends to be gullible, awkward, and easily disappointed by the society that surrounds him due to its materialistic approach to life and its willingness to give up. This separates him from society, which, while he still can obtain and maintain friendships, views him as a mongrel of competitive nature and a threat to their own well-being. According to urban dictionary.

RandomMess · 16/10/2014 19:37

fingers crossed he goes to prison and soon.

MNHQ

EllenMumsnet · 16/10/2014 19:41

Evening all. Thanks to everyone posting support and advice for the OP

Although this might be a sticking plaster for a great big wound, just posting this link to our DV info, in the hope that your DS stumbles across it.

All the best

Original poster

Fixerupperz · 16/10/2014 19:47

Thankyou Ellenmumsnet.
I just needed somewhere to vent and i know AIBU gets traffic

OP posts:

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