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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed when you ask someone to do something and they say 'Can you remind me?'

67 replies

Canshopwillshop · 16/10/2014 12:58

I feel like saying 'no, I've just asked you - it's now your responsibility to remember!'. Example, my DD's friend accidentally took home my DD's school jumper so I texted her mum (a friend of mine) asking her if she could get her DD to bring the jumper into school tomorrow to give back to my DD. Got a txt back saying 'yes, but can you remind me tonight as I'm not at home.' Why should I have to remember to txt again later?? What if I forget - whose fault will it be if she then doesn't remember!

Sorry, I am over-playing it a little but it just got my goat (and I'm a bit hormonal).

OP posts:

Guitargirl · 16/10/2014 23:38

YANBU - this would drive me nuts. Her DD took your DD's jumper, definitely their responsibility to return. And what herecomesyourman said - the 'please remind me' people - it's assuming that you are so much much less busy and important than they are. It's rude.

GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 16/10/2014 23:42

I would send her a text every half hour and really piss her off!

Permanentlyexhausted · 16/10/2014 23:42

That depends on the circumstances Guitargirl - in my Brownies example, each parent only has one child to think about in Brownies. As the leader I have 24 children to think about; ergo, I am busier!

BackforGood · 16/10/2014 23:45

YABU.
She's not said she wouldn't return it, she's just asked for a reminder as it won't necessarily be at the top of her 'to do' list this evening, and if it's so important to you to have it back in the morning, it's more likely to happen if you remind her. I really can't see why you have a problem with this.

I'm also wondering how you knew her dd had taken your dd's jumper, tbh, although I realise that isn't the point of the thread.....

vezzie · 17/10/2014 11:01

Permanently, YANBU, but that is completely different - you are a volunteer doing the community a favour which means a. that you have too much to remember and b. the others should support you by giving you info in a format that works for you, which is presumably in writing by text or something, which is what you mean by "remind me".

Wonc · 17/10/2014 11:32

Aargh! This is so so annoying.

DH does this to me all the time. It's pathetic. Just bloody remember like the rest of us.

Wonc · 17/10/2014 11:33

And YA NOT BU

UltraNumb · 17/10/2014 12:16

yabu.

i have a diabolical short term memory, you asking me 24hrs prior to something is not going to be remembered.

If i ask you to remind me, its because i won't/cant remember and i will forget, but if you remind me at the appropriate time.. IE just before i leave the house, i'm more likely to remember to do it (but still cant promise, i can forget something only moments later)

however, my friends are all aware of my STM problems, and understand they have to do this for me!

IrianofWay · 17/10/2014 12:27

Not a question of whether she should remember or whether you should, it's more to do with who is more invested in the outcome and therefore is more likely to be motivated to remember.

MaidOfStars · 17/10/2014 13:20

the 'please remind me' people - it's assuming that you are so much much less busy and important than they are. It's rude

Oh this is just bobbins. I do not, for one minute, think I am somehow more busy or more important than the person asking me to remember something. You may think it's rude, but it certainly isn't intended to be, and proclaiming its apparent rudeness does absolutely nothing to help those who have poor short term memories. Speaking for myself, I cannot be shamed into somehow retaining this information.

I'm starting to see this as something particular about brain biology/chemistry, and like any other particular manifestation of unusual brain biology/chemistry, I think others should just accept its the way some people are and not think it's fair game for attacking their character.

PetulaGordino · 17/10/2014 13:26

if i were the mum i would have set the text to "unread" so i wouldn't have forgotten it when i got home

dp is always asking me to remind him to do things, not things i've asked him to do, but things he has thought of and doesn't want to forget. i tell him i'm not taking on that responsibility, find another way to remember. apparently though from his POV the act of telling me about it helps him remember. ok then, as long as that's all it is

Sicaq · 17/10/2014 13:31

YANBU. I had a workmate who did this all the time. And whenever he was pulled up on not doing X, his excuse was "Well, you didn't REMIND me!" Fuck's sake, we all have enough to remember in our own lives without being other people's personal memory banks too.

Can you tell it's a pet hate of mine?

Bluetone · 17/10/2014 13:41

My friend does this. She kindly picks dd up from school for me on a Wednesday if I'm working. I always check it's ok and she always says to remind her. It doesn't bother me at all, she's doing me a favour. I send her a quick reminder on a Tuesday night. No biggie. she did forget once, she's a scatterbrain

EggsAreRound · 17/10/2014 13:43

People may well have short term memory issues; this is when you create systems to circumvent them. Have trouble remembering? Write it down. Whatever it is. Use electronic calendars, or paper calendars, or whatever works for you. Work out how you best learn - visual, auditory or kinetic, or which combo of these works best, and use that method.
I have my outlook (mail) calendar and contacts synced to my phone. Everything goes on a list, and everything syncs. Reminders get sent automatically.
Just saying, 'I can't' pushes the problem off onto other people, which isn't the right thing to do.

treehousethunderstorm · 17/10/2014 13:49

Yanbu. This annoys me too especially when DH says it to me - then he can use the excuse 'you didn't remind me!'

If your friend had said 'remind me if I forget' that would be different.

GeorgianMumto5 · 17/10/2014 13:56

Yanb entirely u but your tone maybe is so, yeah, YAB a little bit U. I have to ask people all the time to remind me. I have two chronic health conditions, both of which cause me to be forgetful. You wouldn't know it to look at me, so I daresay most people just dismiss me as scatty, but I genuinely can't help it.

That said, I'm not surprised you are annoyed, given that none of this was your doing and you're a jumper down. I hope you get it back soon.

UltraNumb · 17/10/2014 14:09

Eggs, i do, i have diaries and calendars (both paper and electronic) and a smart phone, but i dont always have those on me, so if you ask me something when i dont, and i ask you to remind me later, its because generally, later, i will have one of those to hand to write down/set myself a reminder.

if i have them, then i will do it there and then. my 'can you remind me later' is for when i DONT have anything to write it on/in.

my life is a tumble of post-its and texts from my family reminding me of things, because my Short term memory is almost non-existant. i can literally put a dvd down on the table i mean to take out the door with me, and walk out 2 minutes later without it!

i live by 'i must do that now while i'm thinking about it' or it doesn't get done!

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