to have spent most of the night lying awake, worrying about money?

[MrsJossNaylor]

I know IABU really, but I can't stop panicking.

Our family income is above average, at £30k, but all it takes is one minor disaster (in this month's case, the MOT) to make things very, very tight.
It's halfway through the month, there's £250 left to last two weeks, the bills still haven't gone out and I don't know how we're going to cope.

I also feel really shit as we can't afford to do anything for DS's birthday, plus (selfishly) my hair is full of greys and split ends and desperately needs doing - but I can't afford to go to the hairdresser.

AIBU to stress so much about money when, in reality, I'm not even poor?

It's the worst position to be in isn't it?
We tend to cut our cloth accordingly yet we're just above the threshold for any tax credits etc. I think a lot of families with incomings of 25 -35k are just about keeping their heads above water. Any perceived spare money can be swallowed up by a broken hoover, washing machine etc.
It's hard isn't it?

Of course YANBU. Money - or rather lack of it - causes huge stress. The fact you are treading water each month with no savings buffer, means you have no sense of financial security. It is very stressful.

Of course you're not being unreasonable, times are tough and even the basics like utility bills are eye watering < for you.

Have you made a list of your income and outgoings to see where it's possible to cut back? Is it cheaper to move energy suppliers or insurance companies for example? Do you have a sky/virgin TV package and do you use all of the channels? If not, is it worthwhile cutting this back? Is there anything that you can make and sell from home?

How old is your DS? As for your hair, a lot of the salons need models and they often get a free/cheap haircut/colour for their time.

How old is DS? If he's tiny, he probably won't even notice having a less than big birthday. Likewise, small children don't need a fancy Xmas - one gift & a cake & a tree.

(YANBU)

On a normal month, are you able to put a little bit into savings to help with these sudden expenditures?
£30 a month will give you a buffer of £360 per yr.

Have you got the cheapest energy supplier? I've switched recently and we ve made huge savings.

I've recently discovered a shop called Savers where they sell toiletries a lot cheaper. I bought hair dye from there for a lot less than the supermarket. You might have one in your area.

Look at your local colleges where they do hairdressing courses and see if you can afford a cut next month.

It was my ds birthday on Saturday and I got him 1 gift. I blew up balloons for him and found a happy birthday song with his name in it on YouTube, cooked him his favourite breakfast and made a chocolate cake for him. He was more than happy. I've told him he can have a few friends over for a little party at home. You can still do little things to make it nice for him.

Go to Moneysavingexpert and get some ideas on how to cut costs and save money.

I use tweentimes or just search for root touch up/ hair mascara on ebay - it is just stuff you dab on alongside your make up in the morning.They make me last ages between dye and I have very white roots.
The Christmas bargain thread is amazing- I swear I have bought my mum 3 nice presents and haven't spent £5 in total.
can you ebay anything to make cash for birthdays etc?
I try to enjoy the challenge of food budgeting... how many things can I do with 15p tins of potatoes/value pasta and hanging out at the supermarket at 345pm on a Sunday to get 9p loaves has a certain satisfaction.
Money worries are the pits and the pressure of the festive season looming makes it so much worse.

I agree, if your ds is older they like being with friends most. A sleepover with frozen pizzas and a dvd means as much as an expensive parties. If he is little than a family tea party with ballons is fine.

I completely understand we are in a very similar position, between us we earn around £32k which sounds fine but in reality, we just get by! As you say unexpected expenses really knock you for six

My dh is an amazing shopper, he hunts down the bargain s in the evenings which saves us loads.

Too late this year, but next year could you grab cheapish things for birthdays and Xmas during the year? We do that when we can (add has a birthday on Xmas eve so it's bit arghhhhh !)

There are lots of us in this position sadly.

Best party ds ever went to was a home made one. They did activities in the woods (hide and seek and some games), then went to their house for home made pizza.

I don't find cut price shops all that great tbh but we have a great market near us and we are very tight this month we went at the/weekend at got about £ 50 worth of food it should last until pay day a/week tommorow I always find meat , veg and fish much better quality from the market .

Its so hard. I was in the same boat for years.

Dh on national average wage I worked part time to. But with morgage utility bills and 2 children there was bearly enough to go round, mot's or any other surprise out goings ended up with bounced dds and then ended up in a downward spiral. There were week after weeks of trying to do a family food shop on £40-60 a week. You can look around for cheaper shops it does mean going to maybe 3/4 different shops rather then getting everything from a super market. you can talk to your gp about anxiety. If you have any form of debt there are non profit making companies out there who are amazing at advising you about money and can help organize and talk to companys on your behalf. Payplan is one of them, have heard good reports off other ones too but can't remember the name of them (sorry)

That made me laugh biggles ds1 birthday is boxing day so. Know the aagh feeling !

wasn't so bad when she was little but now she's 9 it's really hard!!

YANBU.
We manage to keep our heads above the water ATM, and we are probably luckier than you because we have about €2000 savings in case of a car / washing machine / boiler emergency, but we couldn't be more frugal. It means that nothing could go if we needed to decrease our monthly expenditure.

We never eat out or have takeaways.
We never go to the hairdresser's.
We never buy magazines.
We don't go on holiday.
We have the cheapest phone contracts (€2 for me, €10 for DH).
Clothes are bought at the end of the sales or in car boot sales.

I wish DH would stop smoking. It makes me so angry when I see him lighting a cigarette up and the kitchen desperately needs a refurbishment.

Like others have said if you haven't already wrote down a budget with your ingoings and outgoings on it you need to do one now.

I did one a few years ago,when we were always skint although it felt like we shouldn't be and I was amazed how much money we were wasting each year without realizing.

It's made a huge difference we never live hand to mouth now and we both have savings which was something that was impossible before.

Have a look at any contracts you have,phone line,mobile,tv package,broadband,Insurances,gas and electric and see if you can get a reduction in what your paying even if your contract is far from up if you ring and say it's costing to much and you can get a better deal else where they will usually always offer you a reduction in your bills.

With the MOT on your car you don't have to use the garage that does your MOT for any repairs they say you need,you can shop around for somewhere cheaper or better still see if you have any friends or family that are good with repairs on cars.Knowing the right people has saved us thousands on repairs over the years.

Depending on how old your child is,how about a visit to the cinema at the weekend as a special treat.Lots of Cinemas offer special children's viewings now that cost between £1 and £3 a ticket each,take in your own sweets,popcorn and drinks that would save you a small fortune.

Maybe Mcdonalds afterwards for a children's meal each really cheap and they get a toy as well.

Have a look in charity shops(I've bought loads of brand new items,toys,books,clothes from our local charity shops for a few pounds at the most)if you have any cheap shops near you lots of them now stock brand name toys,books and stationary(we have a pound shop near us that's stocking toys that are selling for £10 in argos)ebay and facebook selling pages are also worth a look.

Card factory if you have one near you sell cards for 29p each.

Hi , same boat here - recently lost over 1k a month income and god are we feeling it, we do have a buffer of 2.5k which I am desperately trying not to touch, I am a dab hand at sourcing bargains and keeping up appearances as it were on the cheap, but it is exhausting and one thing goes wrong, I dread to think. I thought the good times would go on and on, lesson learned for me.

It IS tough OP, I completely understand.

If you're in Edinburgh or near I could definitely make a cake for your DS (I love making birthday cakes and only get to do a couple a year, so you'd be doing me a favour really). It's a small thing, but would mean one less thing to think about. PM me if you think I could be of help.

The best thing we did was work out an annual budget, and set aside money all year round for predictable expenses.

It made the first few months harder, but we were never hit by a 'bad' month again.

We predicted 2 dental fillings a year, £400 mechanic costs, £X amount on Christmas and birthdays. We also calculated our annual utility bills and so on.

Totalled it all up and divide by 12. Put this figure into a seperate account (actually two as I kept present funds separate). What was left in our joint was 'luxury' things - like clothes and food and entertainment.

It took AGES working the budget out. We made ALL our expenses, from pennies upwards on cards rather than cash. We then used Love Money to organise all our spends automatically - it gives us a very detailed budget.

We can no longer blame TV license, or MOT etc if we are poor that month. We stopped making excuses on predictable but unwelcome spends.

Hi,

I've been there and it is awful. properly awful. I completely get that "all falls to peices when a big bill comes in" feeling. How much will you have left after bills or will they take everything?

I've done a party for DC for about 8 kids on less than 10 for the food - salmon paste sandwiches, cheapo chicken nuggets, cheapo value pizza, bowls of wotsits, jelly set in individual bowls, squash in individual beakers - kids eat vey little at parties and on the whole aren't bothered about quality. If you're up to some party games like musical statues etc you can do this really cheaply. If you can get a food delivery on credit or have any clubard vouchers to cash in this will help.

Hair - home dye is your friend and if you have a local training school you can get a cut for around a fiver. Some salons have a training night where it is completely free.

Just another one to say I know how you feel. We usually manage OK, but every month seems to bring additional expenses - MOT, car tax, washing machine breaking down, new uniforms/shoes for the DC. Add to that the fact that DH is a contractor & can be out of work for up to 6 weeks at a time & things can get pretty hairy!

Things I do to save money:

• Shop for meat/fruit/veg/bread/fresh goods in the evening when my Tesco reduces them by 75%-90%. This requires a lot of patience but is well worth it, our grocery bills are very low (never more than £200 per month for 2 adults, DC aged 5,3, 8 months).

• Have & use every loyalty card going. It takes a while to build up points, but they are so handy. I've just stocked up on nappies with my Boots points & with Tesco & Sainsbury's I'm saving up for Merlin annual passes so that days out in the school holidays can be very cheap, especially if we can't afford to go away. These 2 companies offer other ways to boost points, such as surveys.

• Buy 90% of clothes (us & DC) secondhand & sell them on when finished. Toys are mostly secondhand or gifts, too, and my younger DSes don't know & the older one knows but doesn't care.

• Sell anything you are finished with. Even just a few pounds here & there can add up - I've made £75 in 2 weeks by selling bits & bobs for £2 & £3.

• Complete surveys online for vouchers or cash. I'm currently awaiting a £10 Sainsbury's voucher for doing surveys.

• Register for the product tests on MN - I've had loads of things to test & it saves a little bit of money, it's really exciting & your opinion on these things really counts

• Birthdays can be done cheaply - charity shops or FB sales pages will often have new items cheaply. For parties, do stacks of sandwiches, crisps, cakes, salad & dips, fruit & some big jugs of squash. Add a pack of Haribo/chocolate buttons for each child 7 they'll think it's a proper treat! Then some old-fashioned party games for younger DC (pin the tail on the donkey, musical chairs, pass the parcel) or movies & popcorn for older DC & they'll all be happy If you want to take your DS out somewhere, look on Groupon - depending on his age & your area I have seen farm parks for £5 for a family, bowling for £2.50 per person including a burger & much more.

Good luck

Oh and to add to the above - if you haven't already done so sell a load of stuff on music magpie. You don't get much per item, but if you sell loads it mounts up.

We got about 50 for 100 DVDs/CDs - most were about 30p but a few were 2 and 3 (although 3 is the maximum). There are other things which can be sold too like electronics and clothes.

Once you have got through this month I would look at a budget. Money Saving Expert has one.

Work out your big quarterly and annual costs e.g. insurance, MOT, Christmas and share the cost over the number of months you've got until the payment is due e.g. house insurance 150 due August 2015 (10 months) means you need to put aside 15 per month now. It can be tough to do this initially but it does help when the big bills come around.

I still do this now even though my income is higher because it means you can plan better.

No other advice op but trust me you are not alone and it's incredibly stressful. Xx

Thanks so much everyone - especially Hamish and your very kind offer of baking a cake! That's so sweet (pun intended) but sadly I'm nowhere near Edinburgh.

DS will only be two, so he won't know it's his birthday. And if we just go to the park to jump in mud he'd be as happy as ever - it just frustrates me to think that I can't afford to take him to any of the places I'd love to (zoo, aquariums, Blackpool illuminations, etc).

We can't cut down any further on bills - have already Money Expert-ed them and we don't have Sky etc, but I'm going to cut day to day expenses by walking the three miles to work instead of getting the bus.

Its just so hard! It shouldn't be this tough. I feel shit that I can't feed DS berries every day (even the frozen ones are pricey) as he loves them, and I feel so tatty at work, with my grey hair and clothes that are far too big for me, as I've lost weight and can't afford new ones.

I do feel U for moaning, when there are genuinely poor people out there, but its good to know that I'm not alone. And thanks again for the tips, all.

I'm going to start by getting my too-big clothes on eBay!