To wish my friend would stop going on about instantly bonding with her dc?

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

I probably am but I wish she'd be a little more sensitive.

I had my ds five years ago and had a terrible fraught pregnancy and a bad delivery which left me unable to have more children so no second chances for me. I had pnd and really struggled to bond with ds. I cared for him but he didnt feel like mine for ages and I certainly never adored him or felt much for him for a really long time.
Friend knows this, she knows how upset I was at the time and actually more upset since because I can't have more children so I will never get that fantastic baby experience of which she speaks and also because now that I do love ds I feel like I let him down rather badly.

Her dc is six months old and I've had months of how there's no love like a mother's love, how she adored him as soon as she saw him, how he's so fantastic, how perfect he is, how she can't believe she loves someone so much etc etc. obviously all lovely for her and on one hand I'm pleased for her but on the other I kind of wish she'd just tone it down a little. Because selfishly it's making me feel even more inferior, no I don't know how that feels, no I didn't think ds was perfect, I was at best ambivalent for a good twelve months. She keeps saying "I can't wait to have another one now I know how lovely it all is." And "he's so perfect I want another just like him!" She's had loads of photos printed with things like "we wanted an angel and god sent us you" printed on them.

Aibu to wish she'd just be a teeny bit more sensitive about the fact that a) I can't have another one and b) that I didn't have the same experience as her. Or am I just being selfish and yes, a teeny bit jealous?

I think some people are just a little bit self-absorbed and insensitive. They don't mean to hurt they are just a bit oblivious. you have to either take them as they are or take a step back, or both!
I didnt have an instant bond with my DS; I only worry about it when people start gushing about their instant bonds. Love him to bits but I'm not a gushy person anyway

Not gushy, as in I wouldn't go on about to others.

I am another one that read op wondering if she is overcompensating to hide the fact that she is struggling. But then I had 3 difficult births and didn't get the instant love with any of them - especially the first so maybe I just don't understand it.

It sounds very over the top to me. I'd also be wondering if she's going on about how she thinks she should be feeling rather than how she's actually feeling.

FWIW I remember looking at my new baby after a couple of weeks and thinking "I have made the worst mistake of my life." And not daring to tell anyone. Not having the perfect baby bonding experience is far more common than you'd think - just look at the responses you've had here.

Very over the top and insensitive of her. She knows what you have been through, so tone it down a bit.

Sorry but I think it's you who is being a bit self centered. She is totally smitten as many people are and is probably only thinking of her baby when she says this stuff. It's not about you, so don't make it about you.

Not everyone wants to hear it constantly, not just speaking about tge op, but people in generally;

I wasted my special previous time and I won't get another chance at it and nor will my ds.

Oh lovely, that is so untrue. You both have plenty of time to get to know each other. You have a lifetime to get to know each other. And you know what? Out of that lifetime, the baby period is the one that he won't remember. Not in the slightest. I know it seems now that you can never have it again, but you will be a parent for as long as you live from now on in and trust me that is plenty of time. You haven't wasted anything - you've been working through difficult times and difficult emotions and that was necessary for you and that makes you the mother you are. Fuck your friend, in all kindness - she isn't doing you any favours; it's just that she's had a different experience to you, and you will both have experiences that are different as the years roll by and your babies grow and you grow also. And if you were to beat yourself up about every difference in experience as your babies grow and turn into toddlers, into children, into teenagers, into adults, then you would be spending a lot of time doing that for no good reason whatsoever. Everyone finds things difficult at times - for some, that's the baby years, for others it's something else. It doesn't signify failure, it doesn't mean that you're doing it wrong, it doesn't mean that your child will be scarred forever. It just means that we're all different and we all muddle through and somehow if we get it right, most of the time, things work out and the kids are mostly happy and so are we mostly happy and it all evens out in in the end.

I expect shes too wrapped up in her adoration to consider how you might feel.

so create a deeper bond now with your dc. the birth and babyhood is just one tiny bit. there is so much in front of you

She sounds insincere and ridiculous. Not to mention cruel.

So, if you had a disabled child, would she go on about how well hers can walk? If you couldn't breastfeed, would she go on about how easy she finds it?

Is she usually competitive? Insincere? This level of gushing is very odd and either deliberately cruel or hiding something.

Have you challenged her about it?