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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think I pissed my friend off

53 replies

Pennymopster · 15/10/2014 17:35

I made a good friend about a year ago. We're both single mums with girls, and get on really well, we've had boozy nights, shared loads of laughs and even been on double dates. Recently we went out for the day in my car, taking both DD's. I took some Sarnies, juice, biscuits y'know the usual. On the way there the girls started getting a bit restless and started getting a bit niggly with each other. I'm afraid I got a bit miffed that my friend kept opening bags of crisps and fizzy drinks and chocolate bars etc to shut them up. This was at 10am . It kept on coming, popcorn, cakes...(I'm not one of these overly-fretful mums who won't give her kids treats, quite the opposite). I didn't say anything. I didn't know how to without coming across all bolshy. Anyhow, lunch came and neither of them ate anything but demanded more chocolate and crisps my DD got really upset when I said no, have a sarnie. So the afternoon was more tantrums and tears than usual. On he way home my friend started giving them more sweets, smoothies, so I snapped. I said please don't co's my DD with definitely puke and I don't want to spend what's left of the weekend clearing that up .. She took it OK but sort of laughed and took the piss a little. Anyhow that was a fortnight ago and she hasn't returned my call, texted me back, sent any FB messages, nothing.

I know someone's going to say well, if she cuts you off because you told her nicely not to stuff your kid with crap then she's not worth knowing. Yes I know, but could I have done it any gentler? I feel like a nasty bastard now.

OP posts:
Funkytown · 15/10/2014 17:39

i wouldn't say your a nasty bastard but you should of told her no in the begining instead of waiting until annoyed to snap at her
how about sending a message saying sorry for snapping ?

ithoughtofitfirst · 15/10/2014 17:39

You've done all you can for now. She'll come round.

Bowlersarm · 15/10/2014 17:43

I wouldn't have said anything to her. It was only eating crap for a day. Not worth losing a friend over.

iwishiwasacat · 15/10/2014 17:48

What a silly thing to (seemingly) end a friendship over though! Your friend is being unreasonable. Maybe you could have said it a little nicer but 2 weeks is a long time to be in a snit about something so trivial.

ithoughtofitfirst · 15/10/2014 17:50

I do sympathise though mind. A friend of mine once gave my (then) 1 year old chocolate milkshake and i was just thinking hate hate hate but didn't say anything. I don't think it crossed her mind that i would object.

chocolateyvelvet · 15/10/2014 17:52

To be honest I wouldn't want to see you again either.

TattyDevine · 15/10/2014 17:59

Oh it was just one of those crazy days out where nothing goes right, they happen.

She'll be fine. Don't chase but act normal next time.

ithoughtofitfirst · 15/10/2014 17:59

Your name says it all chocolatey.... it was YOU wasn't it?! Fess up! Mwahaha.

Wineandrosesagain · 15/10/2014 18:00

Chocolatelyvelvet - why wouldn't you? Op seems reasonable to me.

chocolateyvelvet · 15/10/2014 18:01

Haha not me!

I just think it's a really aggressive and unpleasant way to speak to somebody. I wouldn't speak to my friends like that, and I wouldn't expect them to speak to me like that either.

LadyLuck10 · 15/10/2014 18:05

Yabvu, you sat quietly allowing her to feed her all that and let it build up before you spoke up?
If you were that worried you would have said something immediately, so only yourself to blame. Apologise to your friend.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 18:06

chocolate don't be ridiculous.

Op it's amazing how you can really like a mate and get on well but have different parenting ways.

Personally I would text her saying you miss her and if it was the argument over the choc ( never say junk food) then it's just because your dd gets sick easy.

Them wait and see. My guess is she is missing you too but is embarrassed and upset.

Going forward do girly nights and avoid those with your dds until they are older.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 15/10/2014 18:07

I think you did the right thing. She's probably smarting at being pulled up on it and maybe feels judged? Her new friend has irked her by not being as laid back as she thought so may not know what to say after initially trying to laugh it off followed by silence. She may think there's no way back. Send her a quick message asking her to come for a brew.
I'm not overly bothered about my kids eating crap as they have a balanced diet but what you describe is way OTT. My kids would happily stuff themselves to point of puking if an adult was handing over crap treats, they'd see it as ok. As pp says she'll come around. If she doesn't then she's daft for letting something so trivial affect her friendship with you.

chocolateyvelvet · 15/10/2014 18:10

Thebody, in your opinion it's ridiculous.

In my opinion (and presumably OPs friend) we think we are worth a bit more than being spoken too like something they've trodden in.

Obviously it's easy to be wise in hindsight but something should have been said far earlier. Friend had been doing it all day and then suddenly got her head bitten off- I'd certainly be confused and upset which isn't fair.

By the way I am completely with the OP on her point; I wouldn't want someone feeding DCs sweets. But I wouldn't let them for hours then suddenly leap down their throat either.

CherryDolphin · 15/10/2014 18:17

If it bothered you that much you should of said something at the beginning. Maybe it wouldn't of pissed her off if you'd said something sooner and didn't snap at her. If I was her I think I'd be pissed for a while but I would quickly get over it.

She is being petty imo.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 15/10/2014 18:18

I agree chocolatey but I've been there with family. On one day this summer My mum turns up with gingerbread men which the kids snap up, ice cream van comes and she gets them a 99, sil takes them to the cinema and they come back with masses of pic n mix after telling me they'd been for a McDonald's. In the evening dh makes muffins and gives them hot choc. I was up with two of them that night. They had bellyache and were full of energy. As I said my kids happily troughed their way through the day. :o

Original poster
Pennymopster · 15/10/2014 18:21

spoken too like something they've trodden in.? head bitten off you were there were you chocolatey What utter bollox you're talking! You think she would have been less thin - skinned about it if I said something about it earlier?

I have just texted her Thebody, good advice, I told her 'I really didn't mean to offend, and so sorry if I did, it was just the cleaning up of puke I was worried about.'

OP posts:
CherryDolphin · 15/10/2014 18:23

That's good Penny. Hopefully she will come round soon.

chocolateyvelvet · 15/10/2014 18:25

Of course I wasn't there, penny.

I was responding to your own post which used the word 'snapped' and the fact that the friend had been giving them food all day then you 'snapped.'

If you had asked politely for her to stop and she hadn't the snapping would have been justified but snapping should not be first response.

But as you said I wasn't there and you could have been perfectly pleasant and polite, I don't know Confused

Laura0806 · 15/10/2014 18:26

Hopefully she will get back to you and forget all about this. After all it was nothing really in the scheme of your friendship. I can't imagine being any more than a little miffed at the time

YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 15/10/2014 18:27

Her loss, really. People are far too precious these days- if you can't be straight up with your friends then that's just stupid. It's not like you reprimanded her for feeding her own daughter loads of shite snacks.

Not that I'm against kids having treats, but that sounded like too bloody much. Binge eating is not good

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 15/10/2014 18:28

Good one penny it's always best to try and at least pretend to share the blame even if you don't feel like you do.Grin Hope she comes round.

chocolate sorry if I was sharp but really the op wanted a solution not WW3! Wink

chocolateyvelvet · 15/10/2014 18:29

I wasn't starting WW3 :) Just saying personally I would give the OP a wide berth if someone snapped at me especially in front of my child(ren).

Original poster
Pennymopster · 15/10/2014 18:31

I used the term snapped to describe more than anything, the way I felt about saying something. I also explained I asked her politely and made out as if it was my problem not hers. If you'd read my post and had an ounce of understanding you'd have seen that.

OP posts:
chocolateyvelvet · 15/10/2014 18:33

penny I have to say you're being pretty rude to me, now.

How am I supposed to know the word 'snapped' means anything other than 'snapped'?

I did have a 'snappy' friend and stopped seeing her as I have plenty of non-snappy friends :)

If you weren't really snapping fair enough - but I couldn't know that!

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