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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to go on the hen night when pregnant?

28 replies

wanderingcloud · 14/10/2014 22:19

Just that really... this is fairly lighthearted

So I don't dripfeed...

It's a family members hen night. I'll know the hen and other family (about 3 others out of 20) I'm a bit older than most of them and I'll be just hitting third trimester with DC3.

I can't remember the last time I actually enjoyed a boozey night out, about a decade ago probably! My own fancy dress Hen night days feel like a lifetime ago. I did used to be quite the one but now I'm fat, full of baby and permanently knackered.

Can't really afford it (will be borrowing funds from impending mat leave savings to pay for it) and paying to fund the free bar for all the hens that are drinking. I also have to travel twice the distance as everyone else as we don't live near family.

AIBU to just say I hope you have a fun night and see you all at the wedding? Or should I throw off my misgivings and live it up for 1 night?

I throw myself at the mercy of the MN jury...

OP posts:

museumum · 14/10/2014 22:20

I went to one for the meal only then left when they went drinking when i was pregnant. is that an option?

YonicScrewdriver · 14/10/2014 22:20

YANBU.

FannyFifer · 14/10/2014 22:21

You don't have to go, it's not compulsory, just say you can't make it, not a big deal.

YouAreAMouseInAMaze · 14/10/2014 22:21

YANBU to not want to go to a hen night full stop.

BiscuitMillionaire · 14/10/2014 22:22

Why on earth would you put yourself through that? Just say you're terribly sorry but as you're heavily pregnant and can't drink and get very tired easily, you won't be there as you'd hate to put a downer on their night. Wish them well and see them at the wedding. Pretend to be jealous of them.

honeysucklejasmine · 14/10/2014 22:22

I wouldn't unless it was my sister.

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 14/10/2014 22:22

YANBU. If you feel you have to, go to dinner if there is one then come home.

Original poster

wanderingcloud · 14/10/2014 22:23

There is no meal. It's pure boozing from start to finish museumum!

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 14/10/2014 22:24

Everyone will say YANBU. You know they will. This is MN, they always do.

I think YABU. It's a hen night. She won't be having them often, you'd hope. Don't be so miserable. Go and support her.

fizzymittens · 14/10/2014 22:25

God don't go. I cannot imagine anything worse than a hen night apart from having to be go on one when you are pregnant.

LadyLuck10 · 14/10/2014 22:29

Yadnbu, any reasonable person wouldn't expect you to. You would be too bored anyway.

BonjourMinou · 14/10/2014 22:32

YANBU, don't go, just wish them all a fun night and say you're looking forward to seeing the photos or something.

ecuse · 14/10/2014 22:33

Think of an excuse, I'm sure everyone will understand :)

combust22 · 14/10/2014 22:35

Sounds like a lucky break,

The perfect excuse to avoid a hen night. They are horrible things at the best of times.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/10/2014 22:38

I would decline, you have a good reason there.

puntasticusername · 14/10/2014 22:39

I think if you could manage it (physically, financially, emotionally), it would be lovely to go along for an hour or so early in the evening just to show willing - but don't stay longer than you want to and definitely don't get conned into subbing all the other hens' shots of tequila! That's way unfair!

Another way might be to have a quiet word with the hen, if your relationship is good enough, and say "Sorry, the hen night really isn't my scene, particularly just now - but can you and I meet for coffee/lunch/shopping/watching a dvd on the sofa/whatever some other time, to mark the occasion?".

puntasticusername · 14/10/2014 22:43

Or thirdly, as you say, just decline graciously and see them all at the wedding - I think if I was the bride, I'd be disappointed not to see you at the hen night but I would understand entirely. It's not exactly reasonable for brides to be laying down the law about exactly what outings pregnant women should or shouldn't be able to cope with. If you didn't fancy it, that's that, I wouldn't want you there if you didn't really want to be there, I'd rather you were at home with your feet up looking after yourself and the baby!

Original poster

wanderingcloud · 14/10/2014 22:47

I have to say despite the obvious obstacles. The idea of an uninterrupted nights sleep in a hotel away from DC's 1 and 2 is actually quite tempting... In my head I could have my 1 small glass of vino in a jovial manner and retire gracefully to the hotel to SLEEP. I mean drunken Hens aren't going to be nearly as disruptive as toddlers are they??? And I can at least tell them to piss off and leave me alone at 3am!

OP posts:

JustOneMoreBite · 14/10/2014 22:50

Ugh, this reminds me of the appalling hen night I attended when pregnant. The 'surprise' activity turned out to be a fucking awful male strip show in the dankest club in London. Even if I'd been able to get off my face it would still have been the opposite of my idea of fun.

Make your excuses, I say.

Mouthfulofquiz · 15/10/2014 01:11

I wouldn't go... But maybe the night in s hotel sounds good!!

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/10/2014 01:19

I went on one when I was pregnant. 'twas brilliant. I felt like a person again and not just a baby-carrier.

OP, you only can weigh up the cost against the benefit. Do you want to go? Can you get home easily? Can you afford it?

Penfold007 · 15/10/2014 06:47

You have been invited which is nice but doesn't mean your obliged to accept. Just say thank you but no I won't be going.

slanleat · 15/10/2014 09:53

I would just not go. Your opening post outlined all the reasons you can't/don't want to go. Why put yourself through it.

Spindarella · 15/10/2014 09:59

There is no meal. It's pure boozing from start to finish

No-one would get the hump at a 6-7 month pregnant woman turning down a drinking session.

If you fancy going along, staying out for an hour or so than retiring to the hotel then that is fine. If you don't fancy going at all, that is fine. If you decide to paint a grin on your gob and stick out the whole thing then that is above and beyond the call of duty and lovely, but no-one would expect/demand it of you.

BauerTime · 15/10/2014 10:04

Who is the family member? Sister? Cousin? Auntie? If its your sister then id say make the effort to go and even try to get into the spirit of it for her sake. That's what id want to do for my sister. But make your excuses early and slope off to bed for a good night's sleep. Win-win. If its any other family member, unless you have a particularly special relationship then id probably give it a miss TBH.

However, if you can't afford it then you shouldn't feel like you have to dip in to your maternity leave funds to pay for it.

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