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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give my lodger notice?

39 replies

elvenbread · 14/10/2014 22:08

She's been here about 16 months. We don't not get on but we aren't friends ifyswim. She's a moaner. Constant illnesses I.e. a cut finger or a mild cold which she treats like Ebola or swine flu. We are totally different people. She loves made in Chelsea, make up, drinking etc. I like sport, chilling, reading etc. Basically she irritates the heck out of me. I asked her to help me clean tomorrow night and she yet again made excuses. I'm also tired of her inviting guests without her asking. It's my house but it diesnt feel like it anymore. Wibu to give her notice just because I've had enough? Her contract says a month notice

OP posts:

Isabeller · 14/10/2014 22:12

Unfortunately you need to do some major repairs/building work/redecorating which will mean her room is unusable/needed for storage/ for weeks and then your long lost family are coming to stay for Christmas and New Year. Or something.

YANBU it is your home, it is perfectly reasonable to want to feel comfortable with whoever is sharing it with you.

(goes back to writing advert for new lodger)

Original poster

elvenbread · 14/10/2014 22:19

I might get the house valued which might give her a kick up the backside. Why she's still here I've no idea. She can't be enjoying it either. Not sure the repairs story would wash. It's all newly decorated!

OP posts:

AyMamita · 14/10/2014 22:25

YANBU. out!

BoffinMum · 14/10/2014 22:28

Just tell her a relative needs the room. Then that relative will fall through.

Southeastdweller · 14/10/2014 22:30

I think it can be very hard when you're the L.L living with the lodger or tenant unless you get on like a house on fire. You both need to feel comfortable at home.

I would give her notice and if you do this again, get the ground rules set in stone from the start (which doesn't sound like what happened with her).

Oakmaiden · 14/10/2014 22:31

I don't think it is unreasonable for a lodger to invite guests around without asking, or indeed to not clean communal areas (although she should tidy up after herself, obviously). I assume she is paying rent?

At the same time - if you don't feel comfortable with her there, giver her notice. It is your property, and you are not obliged to have her as a lodger.

wowfudge · 14/10/2014 22:33

Just give her notice. You don't need to give a reason, but the truth would be a good idea - you might want to soften it a bit though, so as not to hurt her feelings. Bad enough she's being given notice without being told you don't like her.

Making up a reason you need the room is a bit childish and would be lying.

ADishBestEatenCold · 14/10/2014 23:08

Would you expect to be friends? Are you not her LL?

I think giving over part of your home to a paying tenant is incredibly difficult, especially if you are used to having it to yourself.

I think one of the hardest parts is to realise that, while you have expectations of your tenant (and these expectations should be very clear and included in the tenancy agreement), your tenant will have equally strong expectations of you as their landlord.

For example, unless having guests was specifically excluded in the tenancy agreement, I think you are being unreasonable to expect her to ask your permission to invite guests (though possibly courteous to mention that she is expecting someone).

Certainly this is your home and you have a right to enjoy your use of it, however she is renting her home from you, it is within your home, and she has a a right to enjoy her use of it.

It is difficult. If you want to give her notice, then you should do so. If you decide to have a lodger in the future, perhaps you should have a good old think about your requirements, make them very clear from the outset and incorporate them in the tenancy agreement.

DancingDinosaur · 14/10/2014 23:13

Well, why should she ask you when she invites guests? Do you ask her when you invite guests? If you do ask her, then yes she should do the same back. But if its a one way thing, because you own the house then thats very unreasonable. I presume she's paying rent. I've been in the same situation as you. But if you want a lodger you just have to suck it up. Its her home too. Although its reasonable to expect her to clear up after herself, as long as you clear up after yourself too.

whois · 14/10/2014 23:15

incorporate them in the tenancy agreement
Nope nope - hoise share agreement yes, tenancy agreement nope.

Anyway op YANBU - you don't get on, give her your notice and find a new lodger. No drama. Just tell her it isn't working out having a lodger any more.

whois · 14/10/2014 23:17

I don't think it is unreasonable for a lodger to invite guests around without asking, or indeed to not clean communal areas

It bloody is reasonable to clean the communal areas together, who else would do it? The house elf?

Lodger paying to live there, not to have a full maid service.

Same as in a house share, you would all expect to clean the communal areas.

Howeve, if I were to ever flat share, or to rent out a room I would ensure we had a cleaner to avoid petty squabbles and resentment over who cleaned last.

whois · 14/10/2014 23:18

Flat share again that should be. Done plenty of living with others :-)

Vycount · 14/10/2014 23:21

She's a lodger, just give her notice to go, you don't need to give a reason.

Vycount · 14/10/2014 23:23

Some information england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/sharing_and_subletting/lodgers

londonrach · 14/10/2014 23:26

Yabu and yanbu. You say its your house but forget its her home too. She can invite whoever she wants just like you can. She doesnt have to ask, you not her mum. As for the cleaning yanbu that should be shared in communal areas and each tidy clean our room. However you dont like her or like same things so just give notice and find someone you do enjoy living with.

londonrach · 14/10/2014 23:26

Own not our room

ADishBestEatenCold · 14/10/2014 23:29

"Nope nope - hoise share agreement yes, tenancy agreement nope"

I would have thought that a house share agreement might apply where either both OP and the other person were renting a house between them, or where both OP and the other person were joint owners of the property living together.

www.houseshare-agreement.co.uk/

I would not expect that to apply to OP because I was under the impression that she was letting out a room in the property that she owns, which would mean that her lodger is her tenant and requires a Tenancy Agreement.

www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home/your-lodgers-tenancy-type

WerkSupp · 14/10/2014 23:30

YANBU

PhaedraIsMyName · 15/10/2014 00:19

You are being extremely unreasonable commenting that "it's my home" and expecting her to ask permission if she has guests. It's her home too. You might own it but it's really still a house share.

Unless you are running a traditional boarding house where the landlady provides some meals and has a clear distinction from the outset of the parts of the house which lodgers can use and those which are private I think you are way out of order. And to be honest don't sound terribly nice.

Original poster

elvenbread · 15/10/2014 06:14

Thanks for that phaedrals. You sound lovely yourself of course. By guests I don't mean someone popping round for tea. That would be fine. I mean friends staying over. I would always let her know if I had someone stayibg over as I think it's common courtesy to know who is under the roof you're sleeping under. I've woken up to find random strangers in my spare room (which incidently isnt a room my tenant pays for I.e. my third box type room).

OP posts:

FishWithABicycle · 15/10/2014 06:34

I lodged for a year when a student and was never expected to do housework other than cleaning up after myself. It's not at all like a house share where everyone has equal rights and responsibilities. I had one room that was my home, and in the rest of the house I had significantly fewer rights (e.g. Couldn't watch my own choices on tv unless the LLs were out, had a specific time slot for using the kitchen) and the quid-pro-quo for that was no cleaning duties. This was all set out in writing in advance though.

There is no problem with just giving her notice if it isn't working out. You don't need to give a reason, it's your house. Then you find a new lodger and do a bit more screening for what kind of person you want, and set out your expectations in the tenancy agreement next time.

But your tenant doesn't have to be your friend, and may not want to even if you do share interests etc.

Original poster

elvenbread · 15/10/2014 06:43

I'm not looking for best buddies but it would be nice to get along and do the odd thing together. I don't want to with my current tenant as she drives me insane. All the other lodgers ive had over the years have been great.

OP posts:

DwellsUndertheSink · 15/10/2014 06:45

I think her friends using your spare room is out of order, and I would tell her that this is the last time - or move loads of stuff in there before this weekend and the friend can bunk up in her room. Presumably she is paying a proportion of the rent/mortgage, and not half?

If she uses the communal areas, then she should be expected to clean them after use and regularly help with a more thorough clean. If she constantly finds excuses not to, then I think YANBU to give her notice.

But like others have said, you need to consider what your plan is for the next lodger. You seem to have unrealistic expectations

Southeastdweller · 15/10/2014 06:46

I forgot to mention that having been a lodger that the set-up is different to that of a 'normal' share. I was very aware that it was the L.L's house and I did and didn't do pretty much the same as Fish when he or she was a lodger. I wouldn't be a lodger again as I found it constraining but it can be a good way to save money.

I agree with the O.P that it's common courtesy to let whoever you live with know that guests will be staying over.

FunkyBoldRibena · 15/10/2014 06:55

You are an adult. If you do not like your lodger, then give notice. Why does what people on here say matter in any way whatsoever?

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