to give my lodger notice?

[elvenbread]

She's been here about 16 months. We don't not get on but we aren't friends ifyswim. She's a moaner. Constant illnesses I.e. a cut finger or a mild cold which she treats like Ebola or swine flu. We are totally different people. She loves made in Chelsea, make up, drinking etc. I like sport, chilling, reading etc. Basically she irritates the heck out of me. I asked her to help me clean tomorrow night and she yet again made excuses. I'm also tired of her inviting guests without her asking. It's my house but it diesnt feel like it anymore. Wibu to give her notice just because I've had enough? Her contract says a month notice

I'm not sure that my expectations are unrealistic. Help me keep the place tidy/clean. If you want guests to sleep over run it past me first, particularly if you want to use my spare room. Done.

So give her notice already. You're overthinking this. You don't want to share your home with this person. You have no obligation to do so other than giving her reasonable notice - You don't need to justify yourself here.

I've lodged in a few places and things like cleaning living areas has never been something I've been expected to do. In fact everywhere I've been I've also had bedsheets washed for me and towels provided.

It sounds like you've not set out expectations at the start, lodging is not the same as sharing a house.

Using your spare room is taking the pee though irrespective

You need to decide whether you're offering a flatshare/houseshare or a room to rent.

The former = higher rent (approx half your outgoings). This gives your lodger equal right to have overnight guests, friends around for dinner, hang out in your living room etc. S/he would also then have equal responsibilities for cleaning etc.

The latter (room to rent) = lower rent, but gives your lodger no right to anything more than sole use of that room and use of kitchen/bathroom.

The suggestions that your lodger can treat the house completely as her home because she pays rent for one room (as opposed to half the outgoings) are ridiculous (no offence to anyone who suggested that!)

I think it's really rude of the lodger to install guests in the spare room without asking. I'd be annoyed by that.

I would move her out because she's not showing common courtesy. She can't just use your spare room for example, and let's face it, anyone who had a bit of consideration would say "By the way so and so is staying over tonight, hope that's OK".
Then I would find someone new, and set out your terms. There are plenty of examples of what sort of agreement can be signed, but honestly, with a lodger, you don't need to give them long notice periods etc. That might sound harsh, but if you find you've got someone unpleasant under your roof, you won't want to be tied to a 2 month notice period.
It doesn't matter what anyone says here, it's your house, you decide what you want. Sounds like rent a specific room, share kitchen and bathroom, clean up after yourself. You can allow use of other rooms if you wish. I had lodgers for years and found the key was to set out expectations clearly in writing, not over-complicate things, and be ready to get tough quickly if anyone took the piss.

Yanbu...I couldn't be arsed living with a moan and a health bore. Bil is like this...every cold is the flu etc. There's always something wrong with him. It's very boring and self centred.
I am not tolerant of this sort of behaviour from people, so if my lodger were this way inclined they would definitely get the boot.

You never mentioned anything about her using the spare room so bit of drip feeding there.

So far as cleaning in the sort of arrangement I mentioned the lodgers would never be expected to clean.

You need to sort out exactly what you want and make it clear from the outset. It seems you want a house share when it suits you and a very restricted lodger arrangement when it suits you.

I'm not looking for best buddies but it would be nice to get along and do the odd thing together. I don't want to with my current tenant as she drives me insane.

So what exactly is she lodger/tenant ? Why on earth would a lodger be expected to "do the odd thing with her landlady"

Friends staying over is different. Obviously she shouldn't be commandeering areas outside the room she has rented from you. I guess I wouldn't necessarily expect to be asked if they were sharing her room though - as long as it was just for a night or two...

It's her home too - and on balance I think YABU with what you have been saying . However, as the arrangement isn't suiting you, YANBU to give notice

I had a lodger when I was younger. The house belonged to my parents but they were abroad.

He occupied the top floor and I wouldn't go in his room or clean it. I didn't expect him to clean the communal areas, my parents paid for a cleaner anyway so that was enough. He didn't watch tv with me as he worked evenings and nights and he was no bother to be honest. I'm pretty laid back but did raise my eyebrows slightly when I once came back from the pub with my boyfriend to find lodger had brought a few lap dancers back from the place he managed, still wearing their outfits. Think I just said hi and went to bed!

Yours doesn't sound compatible with you and I'd give her notice.

Why on earth would a lodger be expected to "do the odd thing with her landlady

Like occasionally eat together or watch something on TV? Because it's nice to be vaguely friendly with someone you live with.

Better to have a bit of a natter if you happen to be in the kitchen at the same time rather than awkward silence.