Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

aibu or would you find this weird

31 replies

inmyshoos · 14/10/2014 18:02

In laws visiting nearby and bring dh's niece who is same age as dd. They come for a cuppa and then when they leave at 3.30pm dn doesnt want to leave as playing with dd. I say she is welcome to stay and play with dd and when we all come over (holiday home less than 3 miles from me) for tea at 5pm I will bring her then. Means they could get unpacked and sort tea (they 'prefer' to eat there not here incase anyone wondering why im not cooking for them!)

Fil says 'nope dn comes with us'. No chat and mil just follows his instruction. Not said in a way that allows for further questions.
Both girls (age 5) cry and they tootle off.

Is this normal?? Aibu to think it is just weird?

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 14/10/2014 18:04

Maybe they feel they are totally responsible for her whilst she's in their care?

amyhamster · 14/10/2014 18:04

Does seem odd yes

LadyLuck10 · 14/10/2014 18:05

Maybe DN's parents instructed them so or they felt as they were responsible for her she needs to be with them.

amyhamster · 14/10/2014 18:06

Was dn being very whiney though about not wanting to go & fil thought you were giving it to it by suggesting she stayed longer ?

SaucyJack · 14/10/2014 18:06

Not weird in the slightest IMO.

He comes from a generation where kids just did as they were told instead of parents "discussing" every last little thing with them.

NorwaySpruce · 14/10/2014 18:06

It depends on so many things.

Your relationship with the child's parents, the child's propensity for acting up, whether th GPs knew that the minute they turned their back, the child would be screaming for them...

First day of a trip away with the grandparents is probably full of them all finding their feet.

I'd cut them rather a lot of slack.

LadyLuck10 · 14/10/2014 18:07

Meant to say I don't find it weird.

taxi4ballet · 14/10/2014 18:08

Are they perhaps the 'do as you are told' generation, and demand unquestioning obedience?

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut · 14/10/2014 18:08

How strange.

Does he question your car safety/driving/ability to look after dn?

diddl · 14/10/2014 18:10

Perhaps they want time with her & not to drop her at the first opportunity!

it's not compulsary to always give in to kids!

Swingball · 14/10/2014 18:10

Yes, a bit.

LemonadeRayGun · 14/10/2014 18:11

Maybe they feel responsible so need to makes ire she is with them at al times. Maybe they don't want to give into her crying/whinging on the first day of the holiday, setting a precedent etc.

I don't think it is weird at all. They are responsible for her, they keep her with them. I think it is actually a good thing they don't want to palm her off onto someone else of the first day, whether slightly misguided or over protective or not.

DeWee · 14/10/2014 18:13

Wouldn't call it weird. Just they didn't want to. Would you think it weird if they were her parents?
For one of mine, I know that if they make a fuss at 3:00, they'll probably also make a fuss at 5:00 if I've given way at 3:00, so for that reason I would be less likely to let them stay, as all i would be doing is postponing and making worse the fuss.

It's also possible that dn's parents had said something like "please don't leave her, or don't let inmyshoos drive her" which may have made fil awkward hence being somewhat abrupt.
It's also possible they had something they wanted her to do with them. If it was a special treat they may have wanted to take her on her own so didn't want to say.

PurpleSwift · 14/10/2014 18:14

I don't find it weird at all.
My dn would never leave other peoples houses if you let her! Which her parents did at first. Cue meltdowns when they actually did have to take her home. It's still difficult for them now but boundaries had to be set.

Original poster

inmyshoos · 14/10/2014 18:14

They have dn overnight every week. She lives in same street. Not whingey and only cried when fil said 'no she comes with us'. We live 200 miles from them all. I couldnt help but take it personally like i couldnt be trusted with her!

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 14/10/2014 18:14

If it were me, I would be paranoid and seeing a pattern in them not wanting to eat at your house, and not even considering leaving DN with you even for an hour. Is there history?

diddl · 14/10/2014 18:15

Maybe he was abrupt with you, that's all imo.

You made a suggestion which he take up-fine!

LadyLuck10 · 14/10/2014 18:15

Don't take it personally. If I have someone else's child with me then I am responsible for them! There's nothing more to it.

Original poster

inmyshoos · 14/10/2014 18:16

I was a nanny for many years so take safety pretty seriously. Fil doesn't know how to strap car seat in properly so doubt sil worried about my having her in car.

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 14/10/2014 18:20

Yes but you're not getting it. It doesn't matter about how much more safe you are, it's about him being responsible for her.
If she fell hard, or anything else happened then don't you think the person who was meant to be looking after her would feel responsible ? I'm one of those people too.

jamtoast12 · 14/10/2014 18:20

I do think that's wierd, of course they feel responsible for it's yours dh niece! Why wouldn't they want to leave her if they were all playing nicely I presume. I'm guessing they may be the sort of grandparents who just want her to themselves for the hour? Does seen odd though as much easier for them if she's with you for that hour. Do you get on with her parents? If you don't see the parents much etc then I can understand why they may say no but still odd if you're all family.

ILovePud · 14/10/2014 18:29

I wouldn't take this as a slight or any indication that they don't trust you with her. They may just feel that whilst they have been charged with looking after her then that means she stays with them. The way in which your FIL said it does sound a bit abrupt though so I can see why you're miffed. You're comment about how they 'prefer' to eat at home had me wondering about the backstory, are they generally a bit rigid about things and like things done in their own way?

BlueBrightBlue · 14/10/2014 18:31

YANBU, the little girls are having a nice time, want to have tea together and relatives live a stones throw away.
I think they are weird and like throwing their wright around.
A rare chance for 2 little girls to have some nice play time together; it's not like they see each other every day.
Gosh, I must sound so old fashioned.
In laws sound like a miserable pair of joy killers.
( perhaps it's the trend now?)

BlueBrightBlue · 14/10/2014 18:32

wright? weight I meant,

Darkandstormynight · 15/10/2014 00:56

I don't find it weird in the slightest, tbh.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread