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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take a sickie / lie about childcare issues?

73 replies

Mammanat222 · 14/10/2014 14:14

Will keep it as brief as possible.

Although I have annual leave left (and a week in November booked off) I really need to take a few days off asap. We're moving house and there is a lot of work that needs to be done, OH needs a few solid days in there. [OH is currently looking after DS as our childcare is away]

I loathe to take a sickie but we've all been told no more annual leave at present.

So I could take a few days off and blame "childcare" and then offer to use my leave? Or I could actually say I am ill and save my leave?

I am not keen on doing either to be honest - worried I'll be tempting fate - but something has to give.

We are paying two rents until we move to new place, have no-one else to have DS in daytime for next few weeks? AIBU to take a sickie or pull the childcare excuse?

Just to add I have been with my company for 13 years, have an exemplary attendance / punctuality record which I pride myself on.

Also I am 6 months pregnant and worry about actually getting ill and needing to take time off?? Or DS being ill as we're getting to that time of year?

OP posts:

jamtoast12 · 14/10/2014 18:29

I'd pull a sickie in your case - they won't be able to prove anything even if they suspect.

I'd not blame Childcare cause then you'd lose leave.

Castlemilk · 14/10/2014 18:30

If you want to say where you are, I wonder if someone might be able to help you out? Not sure if that is etiquette... But is there no one you could call in a favour from?

Sallyingforth · 14/10/2014 18:38

they won't be able to prove anything even if they suspect
That's a shit attitude.

The employers will certainly know that she's moving house, they will have her new address. The OP says there is pressure at work, and if she takes time off now it will put even more pressure on her colleagues. Whether they can prove it or not, it is going to cause resentment and ruin her good record.

OP if you really must take some time off, please do explain this to your boss and ask for leave. Perhaps you can offer to cover other staff who need time off at another busy time? Christmas perhaps?

TheRealMaryMillington · 14/10/2014 18:43

A year or so ago I had to dismiss someone who phoned in sick, whilst simultaneously posting "Moving day!" and pics of her new flat on her Facebook status. She was a bit dim (and this was latest in long line of lying and absenteeism) but the Truth Will Out.

Change your November annual leave and take parental leave/early mat leave.

Why have your work barred any more A/L anyway?

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 15/10/2014 08:45

Ironically since yesterday evening I have been feeling ill (nausea - had my flu jab yesterday, not sure if it's related? Probably not)

BUT I am in the office already. Go me!!

Have decided that chances are me / DS are going to get ill at some point in next few months so taking a sickie is not a great idea.

I am going to ask about some leave - just a few days either side of the weekend - and see what they say.

OP posts:

PiperRose · 15/10/2014 09:01

Being childless and working with loads of women who seem to be able to take leave or get out of working late because of child care issues this would piss me off beyond belief if I was your colleague.

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 15/10/2014 09:30

Being childless and working with loads of women who seem to be able to take leave or get out of working late because of child care issues this would piss me off beyond belief if I was your colleague

Fair enough, I have never actually used childcare as an excuse.

My childcare is actually normally pretty good, but is away at the moment (planned)

I've had 1.5 'unplanned' days off since January - one day due to DS being ill and the half a day was down to the bloody cat (who went missing)

I walk in the mornings so am never late and as I say I have an exemplary record.

There have been times I have had to leave my poorly child with his Daddy as I haven't wanted to let work down, there have been days I have dragged myself in half dead on sleep deprivation and today I feel like shit but I am still here? #

I take my work commitments very seriously BUT life has thrown something unexpected at us and I need a bit of leeway - which I don't expect to be facilitated

In any event I have decided against anything "dodgy"

OP posts:

makeminered · 15/10/2014 09:40

Tell the truth. You do have childcare issues.

Spindarella · 15/10/2014 09:48

Have skim read, but you DO actually have childcare issues don't you? So you wouldn't be lying. And you'd be using your annual leave. I wouldn't pull a sickie though.

Regarding the targets, would you be able to put in extra hours after taking the two days leave to ensure the team/company hadn't been adversely affected?

vezzie · 15/10/2014 10:19

I often wonder, on MN, where I am going wrong, that my life has so little wiggle room.
Like the op, all my time is accounted for and there is a definite tone in some of the replies on this thread that seems to imply the op should just organise things a bit better; maybe the work doesn't need to be done, maybe she should work at night, or her dh should; maybe "someone else" can do childcare (WHO?) etc

It just doesn't work like that for some of us.

This is how I see it (I didn't always, I can remember very clearly the moment when I got realistic about this, which was when I sacked off a rehearsal to ice my daughter's birthday cake, the night before her party):

There are 21 slots in a week (morning, afternoon, evening)
Get your sticky fingers off night time. Get off it right now, don't even think about it, that is not up for grabs. Doing things at nighttime only works if you have another slot to replace your sleep in - which you don't - you can't spare a morning, afternoon, or evening which already have things in.

If you work full time you owe your employer 10 of those a week. (unless you take annual leave)
You must try your hardest not to let him into any of those 5 evening ones but realistically your employer is probably actually getting a good 12 a week.

That leaves 9 in which you can insert Things.
So: list them out (even if only in your head) in order of IMPORTANCE. To YOU.

Now do those things.

Other things won't get done.

Fuck em.

Spindarella · 15/10/2014 10:24

Vezzie I think I have agreed with every post from you that I've seen. Can you add a tag line that says "and Spin thinks so too" to save me the energy of typing. Thank you.

skylark2 · 15/10/2014 10:37

I would be honest with them.

Can you work from home at all (obviously not much with a toddler)? Can you be available if they need to phone you? Could you work four long days and not come in the fifth?

mimishimmi · 15/10/2014 12:46

Be honest with them. It irks me when people suggest that someone will be ready, at the drop of a hat, to provide emergency childcare as if they have nothing better to do. It simply is not the case.

vezzie · 16/10/2014 12:19

ha ha Spin I have just seen this. thank you!

OP what have you decided to do? I hope everything works out ok.

CheeseToastie123 · 16/10/2014 12:56

I have to say, vezzie wisdom is wise.

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 16/10/2014 13:47

Just to update:

Asked manager today. I did lay it on a bit thick I must admit "its all so stressful" / "so much to sort out and get done" / "affecting us financially" etc but no lies and no mention of childcare issues or illness.

So I now have a 4 day weekend!!

Happy ending all round

OP posts:

vezzie · 16/10/2014 13:51

Yay! Well done!

jackydanny · 16/10/2014 16:00

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/10/2014 17:09

That's great! And your integrity as an employee is intact!

Lasttimebaby · 16/10/2014 17:33

I'm glad you got sorted out. I am in a similar situation and I have worked for 15 years for same employer. I never take month end off unless it's Xmas/new year. I always facilitate them and also have an exemplary record. I work past my working hours continuously and it is seldom acknowledged and I feel so guilty asking for AL. I have never ever taken a sickie but if I desperatly needed a day I will tell them I will work it in. In effect though they owe me about 20 days already worked but that is never mentioned. Our head office is in the states so I often stay on to catch up with them.

ZuluBob · 17/10/2014 20:49

Just seen you're update. I'm so pleased for you. I was one of the posters who said you shouldn't lie so I was really hoping for a good outcome. Hope everything goes well.

Sallyingforth · 17/10/2014 20:51

Well done, OP. It's always better to be honest.
I hope those who told you to lie have learned from this.

missymayhemsmum · 17/10/2014 22:38

Great! I couldn't really see any decent manager not allowing some leeway to a pregnant woman in the middle of moving house, for goodness sake!

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