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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a sickie / lie about childcare issues?

73 replies

Mammanat222 · 14/10/2014 14:14

Will keep it as brief as possible.

Although I have annual leave left (and a week in November booked off) I really need to take a few days off asap. We're moving house and there is a lot of work that needs to be done, OH needs a few solid days in there. [OH is currently looking after DS as our childcare is away]

I loathe to take a sickie but we've all been told no more annual leave at present.

So I could take a few days off and blame "childcare" and then offer to use my leave? Or I could actually say I am ill and save my leave?

I am not keen on doing either to be honest - worried I'll be tempting fate - but something has to give.

We are paying two rents until we move to new place, have no-one else to have DS in daytime for next few weeks? AIBU to take a sickie or pull the childcare excuse?

Just to add I have been with my company for 13 years, have an exemplary attendance / punctuality record which I pride myself on.

Also I am 6 months pregnant and worry about actually getting ill and needing to take time off?? Or DS being ill as we're getting to that time of year?

OP posts:
looki · 14/10/2014 15:40

Gosh I feel bad to the bone after reading the replies. I don't see the issue with it, your employer will reduce your annual leave accordingly. You aren't taking more than your annual leave quota.

Tell them you have childcare issues. You have childcare issues. If your employer is like mine, they won't allow unpaid annual leave either. I don't know my neighbours and I don't have family within a few hours drive.

If you had used up all your annual leave and needed a few days for childcare issues, what would you or your company do then? They would survive without you.

And for what its worth, I fail to see how your employer would 'find out' unless you live or are moving near them? Of course, you will have to drop a few white lies regarding your house move being delayed for a couple of weeks etc or they will know that you are taking time off to move.

Needs must and all that........

ilovesooty · 14/10/2014 16:14

I don't see anything saint like in disapproving of taking sick leave when you aren't sick. It's fraud. Would you really jeopardise an excellent work record like this?
Explain why you need the leave.

TSSDNCOP · 14/10/2014 16:25

So your whole team is pushing collectively to achieve a company goal, which presumably is important. But not that important to you obviously. And your colleague who has legitimate time off is the bad guy?

DaisyFlowerChain · 14/10/2014 16:29

Love how the person actually sick is the bad guy yet lying as you want some time off to move home isn't. We'd all like to do things at times rather than be in work but the majority realise it's just part of being an adult and getting on with it.

Greyhound · 14/10/2014 16:30

I'm no saint but I would just tell them the truth - you are moving and have childcare issues.

No point lying; they'll probably guess...

ZuluBob · 14/10/2014 16:34

I wouldn't pull a sickie. It's nothing to do with being 'saint like' I simply couldn't lie about something like that. I have never once pulled a sickie and neither has my DH. It's the type of lie where you could easily get caught out too.

OP are you sure you you couldn't work something out with your employers. Could you come in early and or leave late for the next week to make up the time.

I would feel peeved that your college is taking the piss but it wouldn't make me want to do the same thing.

Yab very u.

vezzie · 14/10/2014 16:38

What do the people who are saying "no, definitely not" think the OP should do?

You are happy to use your annual leave, and this is exactly the sort of thing it is for. If you need to put additional pressure, in the form of a lie, on your work to make them let you take it, then do.

If they don't care that you have to move house, and physically can't work on the house through the night (which would jeopardise your health at the best of times, let alone when you are pregnant) because it would be more convenient for them for you to take your leave at another time, then just take it. Bending the truth is better than making stuff up though.

essentially this is a matter of necessity; so you just need to position it as a necessity in such a way that they understand, whether that means introducing some faux-urgency (someone "let you down at the last minute") or something else like that.

Agree, do not lie substantively about what you are doing on those days, and do take them as leave, but do what you need to do to get it, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it. It's your time, and you need it. And the only thing you cannot fudge, stretch, manufacture, or do without, is time.

MumOfTheMoos · 14/10/2014 16:40

YABU - using childcare as an issue when isn't just feeds the narrative that women with children are a bit flaky when it comes to work that issued to justify the gender pay gap.

So, as well as putting your own reputation at risk you damage all working women's reputations.

There will be enough times when you do have childcare issues etc - don't use up any good will owed to you by your exemplary attendance record by lying.

Bowlersarm · 14/10/2014 16:44

What do the people who are saying "no, definitely not" think the OP should do?

The OP is paying rent for the new place already. I think they should do the moving around work commitments, I.e.at the weekends or in the evenings.

Sick days should be sick days, and not used just because you want a bit of time off work.

BikeRunSki · 14/10/2014 16:45

Does the work on the new house have to be done before you move in?

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 14/10/2014 16:50

I am just pointing out the disparity, colleague has had 2 weeks leave [plus a few sick days] yet I cannot take a couple of days.

The colleague's annual leave was planned but they tacked a few days on to take it from Midweek - Midweek (so 6 working days) to 2 full weeks (10 working days) at quite short notice. Also meant they were away for month end which I have always been told is not allowed. I have had to plan my leave around always being in between 26th-2nd of the month!

Seems that being conscientious doesn't get you very far, as it simply becomes "expected" of you? I am reliable, often get old that 'you never moan, I forget you are pregnant', or 'I thought you'd be so flaky with a toddler at home'

I perform a very, very tight juggling act to keep all my various balls in the air and I just need a bit of slack, sadly I don't feel as though I will get it through the honest means, hence me gauging opinion here.

But I respect what everyone is saying and I obviously feel it is morally wrong otherwise I wouldn't have asked!!

OP posts:
PrivateJourney · 14/10/2014 16:52

Sorry if this is dense of me but why does DH need to do so much work in the property before it's habitable, if it's a rental? Would it be better to pay someone else to do that work, get it done sooner, DH can do the stuff you want to do and you stop paying the double rent earlier?

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 14/10/2014 16:53

The OP is paying rent for the new place already. I think they should do the moving around work commitments, I.e.at the weekends or in the evenings

As explained I have a week off in November - that will be official moving week - but the place needs a lot of work down to get it to be liveable.

OH is currently looking after DS all day, he goes to new place in evenings as soon as I get home but needs to do some noisy work that we'd prefer not to do evenings or weekends (out of respect for our neighbours)

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammanat222 · 14/10/2014 16:54

Actually maybe I didn't explain properly why I need to have a few days off in the week but yep we need to do a few bits that are going to be noisy and need to be done in "work time" so to speak.

OP posts:
Greenfizzywater · 14/10/2014 16:55

no biggie imo

NamesNick I hope I never have the misfortune to employ you!

Bowlersarm · 14/10/2014 16:57

You could always ask your new neighbours if they are ok with noisy work for a few evenings or one or two weekends before you move in.

jackydanny · 14/10/2014 17:01

I think the best way to do it would be to have a very honest conversation with your boss.

It sounds like a necessity and as has been said, is exactly what leave is for.

In the worst case scenario, you could still end up phoning in well because of childcare?

Keep your exemplary record.
It is easier to keep your character than to recover it.

ClashCityRocker · 14/10/2014 17:07

I agree, explain the situation to your boss. You do have a childcare issue, I think your boss would be harsh not to allow it.

Or Sod's law you'll be back at work the next day, and then become properly ill.

If you're asking on here whether you should, i suspect you'll also feel bad about it.

vezzie · 14/10/2014 17:12

"YABU - using childcare as an issue when isn't just feeds the narrative that women with children are a bit flaky when it comes to work that issued to justify the gender pay gap."

I think this is looking at the issue from entirely the wrong angle.

By taking annual leave from an allowance, the OP isn't actually ripping her employer off for anything. This is her own time.

However, for people with children to be entirely at the disposal of their employer in terms of when they take it - entirely independent of other commitments like housing practicalities, children, etc - assumes that all families come with one adults: one who makes home work (no matter what) and one who can do what their bosses want (no matter want). That second person can't realistically do that without the existence of the first.

It's outdated. It's based on a view that all men get allocated domestic help, and that they are the only ones who dare go out and take jobs.

I entirely disagree with your point and would make an opposing one: only when employers are forced to confront the reality of people - all adults, of all sexes - having other real life commitments, can there be genuine equality in the workplace.

(I have actually irl got quite cross with people - mothers - at my workplace blatantly taking the piss while "working from home", going to children's parties etc - essentially putting forward and colluding in a narrative that "I don't take my job seriously now I am a mother, you don't have to take me seriously, wink at this and I know I will never get a promotion" - I think that that does poison the well for all of us, but it's different - it is actually cheating and lying to say you are working when you are not, and done in a really annoying fluffy cheeky "oh, we mummies!" kind of way)

(those people don't work here any more)

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 14/10/2014 17:13

I would also say you have a childcare problem due to your CM being away, and offer to use a couple of days of your leave to cover it.

Or work from home, if it's that kind of job.

I wouldn't lie or pull a sicky, as I have several colleagues who do that and 9 times out of 10 they get found out somehow. Mainly through Facebook or being spotted out & about by another colleague.

Bulbasaur · 14/10/2014 17:53

Unfortunately, MN is full of people unable to understand grey areas.

Only you know:

  • The project load and if a missed day or two is acceptable
  • Your boss
  • Your coworkers
  • The risk:reward ratio whether it's worth it or not

Honestly though, right or wrong, if your coworkers know about you moving house, it's not going to take rocket science to figure out.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 14/10/2014 17:55

If you say you have childcare problems and offer to use some of your annual leave then I can't see why they'd have an issue with that. It's better than pulling a sickie.

MyFairyKing · 14/10/2014 18:18

Try parental leave as someone mentioned up thread. :)

Greenrug85 · 14/10/2014 18:24

Personally, in this situation i would just lie. Grin something has to give!

But you will get lots of people on here who 'always do the right thing' Wink

Original poster
Mammanat222 · 14/10/2014 18:28

Sorry if this is dense of me but why does DH need to do so much work in the property before it's habitable, if it's a rental? Would it be better to pay someone else to do that work, get it done sooner, DH can do the stuff you want to do and you stop paying the double rent earlier?

It's HA, so not in great condition and also the reason we are paying rent immediately.

OH is a decorator by trade so makes sense for him to do it as opposed to pay someone without vested interest.

OP posts: