To feel a bit disappointed in myself that I know the world judges on looks, and I go along with it

[magicpixie]

Been feeling a bit under the weather and feeling crap

So therefore been looking crisp
Not doing my hair, well it washed and brushed and I'm clean
Hair in ponytail etc

But wearing comfortable but sort of scruffy clothes like leggings and loose fitting things

Also been wearing my glasses rather than contacts

But I feel so judged on looks

Oeople saying to me

Oh you do look ill.....
When really I know some of these comments are based purely on looks as today

Still feel rough, have done my gaur, put on a tiny amount of make up
And not wearing such scruffy clothes
Yet feel more unwell

And people are more accepting of me

And I know this is how it is

And I shall try and make the effort with how I look

But it annoys me as I should be just as acceptable
With glasses on hair in a pony, clean yet wearing comfy clothes

However I'm more acceptable looking smarter

The world does judge on looks, but there's no need for you to be disappointed in yourself for going along with it, it's not something you have the power to change.

You can choose to stop caring about it, which is easier said than done, but it will still happen. I think it's just human nature, it's not something people consciously do most of the time.

The world does judge and it's not going to change anytime soon. You can choose to go along or you can choose not to care.

I don't know really how to just stop caring

Plus I find people treat me differently

Wheni look nice people are nicer to me

And it's nothing to do with how in behave towards them when I look nicer
I act exactly the same

I think it's only just started dawning in me how much the world judges based on looks

Taken this longtofigure out

You're not alone, it's the same for all of us.

I have the sort of hair that makes me look like a scarecrow if it's not done, and I recognise the difference in how people react to me when I've made a little effort compared to when I haven't, as I'm sure most people (especially women) do. I usually just choose to make the effort, it doesn't take long.

Thanks I think your right

This is just the way it is

So it's upto me how I respond

Thanks for understanding
Just annoys me

People treating you differently when you dress scruffily as opposed to dressing smartly isn't exactly judging you on looks. Its judging you on a whole host of things unrelated to the appearance you were born with, as smart clothes can help create a good impression no matter how ugly or attractive you are.

It also says a lot about what you think about other people - that you think its worth making an effort to dress reasonably smartly to meet them.

Maybe u need toget some smart ill outfits then

As I only have pjs leggings etc

But even if I was wearing smarting clothes

If I had my glasses on hair in a ponytail and no make up

I would still get treated not as nicely

So it's not just about clothes

Maybe you need to concentrate on coming across better to others, rather than what you look like then? A charming and friendly manner can make amends for glasses, a ponytail and no make up. In other words, maybe its not the latter, but the former?

I've started wearing dresses a bit now that it's colder - stretchy jersey dress and thick tights, feels comfy, no waistbands etc, so it feels like wearing leggings of PJs but makes it look like I made an effort!

I agree that people are much nicer to me when I have some make up on and have done my hair (DP especially, it's like it reminds him why he fancies me) but I suppose that's to be expected, as I know I do look more attractive, that's why I do it.

I noticed that my ex would always be mean to me when my hair was curly, I just think he didn't like it that way and so he became more picky about other things I did at the same time.

I also get a lot of comments about looking ill/tired when I haven't done my make up and it does annoy me, but I guess we've all become so accustomed to seeing blemish free skin as the holy grail of beauty that I still go along with it and 'put my face on' before I leave the house.

Covering up dark eye bags and spots, adding a bit of a 'healthy glow' with blusher - there's a reason we do it, it makes us look healthier than we are! I've seen documentaries about juicing and clean living that recommend fixing your skin from the inside, as clear glowing skin is the most obvious sign of health, hence we find it attractive.

Perhaps if you don't want to buy into the beauty myth you could look at improving your looks from a health perspective. With glowy skin and clear eyes, a pony tail and glasses will look fresh-faced and youthful!

I think it depends what normal is to you i.e. if you are someone who always has hair done, make up on etc then of course people who know you will think something is up if you aren't your usual groomed self. I have friends that dress casually and wear no make up so this is normal for them. For other friends who always wear makeup and smart clothes, wearing no makeup and dressing in tracky bottoms would indicate that something is up.

Well i never wear make-up or really bother with my hair, so at least on the plus side no one every says to me I look ill, unless I actually do. Also everyone I meet treats me very nicely, make up or not.

The way people look, or perhaps more how much preparation they've put into getting ready probably does help cue other people into how they are feeling, at least people who know them. I don't think that's necessarily a negative thing, I'm wondering in what way people show you that they see you as less acceptable when you're scruffier? I know sometimes people say I'm not looking well but it's usually when I'm not and probably do look a bit unkempt, I've not really taken it as an insult, maybe I'm just a bit oblivious though. I think 'the world' is a very diverse group and you'll always get some people who are very focused on looks and some who don't give a monkey's and lots at various points inbetween. I can honestly say that I've not chosen any of my friends on the basis of what they look like and wouldn't be any more or less accepting of them if they looked or dressed differently. I hope the people who are close to you and care about you feel the same way and I hope you're feeling a bit better soon.

I think you sound as though you have low self esteem - I wear my grey hair in a ponytail, wear very little make up, am never smartly dressed yet I don't feel people judge me at all - I have a huge circle of friends and acquaintances and lead a very busy, happy life.

I would never judge anyone on their looks - well, to be pefectly honest I do slightly judge people who clearly spend lots of time, energy and money on their appearance because, in my opinion, it is very shallow to think that 'appearance' is so important. I had a 'friend' who would never go out unless her hair, make up and clothes were perfect - hence she hardly did anything and had few friends, seemingly preferring to spend hours each day washing her hair etc .

I have a very busy happy life and lots of friends

And I'm friendly and nice towards all others

Treat others as I would like to be treat myself

So it's ot tight I'm a horrible person with no friends or life

I do just find people are nicer to me when I look better and I find it annoying
That's all

Bugger them. The people who really matter don't care too much about how I look.

I agree with furtive. It's more dependant on what is normal for you to be seen wearing. If you generally are dressed a bit smarter with face and hair done to see you in leggings, bare faced etc. it will suggest to people you are under the weather. Now you have gone back to the look that is normal for you people aren't commenting.
It's not about appearance in a general sense it is about your default usual appearance.

yes I can understand that with people that I see often but that don't really know very well

such as school run people!

yet random starngers like in the supermarket etc and in the street are like it too

How are they more accepting of when you are dressing smarter? You looked different, obviously hadn't put the time and effort in like you usually do - so they were just wondering if you were ok.

I'm not sure I understand. I dress down most of the time, don't wear makeup, stick my hair in a pony tail - no glamour puss at all. I have never felt anyone treats me badly because of this. When I do make an effort, folk often say something (don't treat me better or worse)- because I just look different.

It does sound like you judge people yourself on how they look.

Right, read the whole thread now and find this quite fascinating. So, if I made more effort with my appearance - people in everyday life are going to be nicer to me, have I missed a trick here?

If that is the case and people are acknowledging it - do people here treat people better if they have a smart appearance?

Thinking about it, I probably do judge folk a little who are very groomed and made up in everyday life - because I would think we don't have much in common. For me I might be more accepting of someone less groomed (shabby old mucker) like me. So if this is true - it probably goes either way depending on the person.

I wear my (clean) hair in a ponytail sometimes, and I wear glasses sometimes, people don't treat me any differently to when I wear my hair loose / don't wear glasses. I dress down at weekends (pretty smart for work in the week, generally). I don't think anyone treats me differently one look from the next, I generally always feel that people are generally nice to me. I find that you get back what you put out.

I find that if you wear make up all the time then when people see you without it on you do look ill to them. I don't necessarily think that people are judging it's just that they are not used to seeing you without it. I never wear make up on a daily basis and I don't care if someone judges me on it. That is their problem if they do. As far as I am concerned my hair is clean and brushed and my clothes have been washed and that's all that matters.

I agree and It's sad.

I've had many different 'looks' and I notice the way people treat me much differently depending on how I look. Clothes/make up/heels or not heels.

I really try to not be part of it and if I'm addressing someone for the first time, whether they're scruffy or smart I am the same with them.

Honestly, apart from browsing in incredibly expensive handbag shops where the staff are trained to call security on anyone daring to wear Primark, or the door staff at 'exclusive' night clubs, I think that a large component of this is in your head, OP. You sound incredibly conscious of your daily grooming level, as if it's some kind of acceptability rating - are you sure you aren't behaving differently, or so conscious of being 'ungroomed' that you're giving off odd/negative vibes? I'm someone who thinks grooming is for show dogs, and I've never noticed different treatment from people other than those trained to 'read' your appearance according to a set of criteria on the rare occasions I bother.