To feel a bit disappointed in myself that I know the world judges on looks, and I go along with it

[magicpixie]

Been feeling a bit under the weather and feeling crap

So therefore been looking crisp
Not doing my hair, well it washed and brushed and I'm clean
Hair in ponytail etc

But wearing comfortable but sort of scruffy clothes like leggings and loose fitting things

Also been wearing my glasses rather than contacts

But I feel so judged on looks

Oeople saying to me

Oh you do look ill.....
When really I know some of these comments are based purely on looks as today

Still feel rough, have done my gaur, put on a tiny amount of make up
And not wearing such scruffy clothes
Yet feel more unwell

And people are more accepting of me

And I know this is how it is

And I shall try and make the effort with how I look

But it annoys me as I should be just as acceptable
With glasses on hair in a pony, clean yet wearing comfy clothes

However I'm more acceptable looking smarter

"It does sound like you judge people yourself on how they look"

I can honest;y say I don't

I don't care if people wear trackie fleeces or smart suits
I take them as I find them
I don't get influenced by gossip either
I take people as I find them

I am guilty of lots of things
but not that

Yes people react well to the beautiful - its a recognised psychological trait.It's called the "Halo Effect" whereby we ascribe value & good characteristics to beautiful people purely on their looks.

I felt this badly as a very plain child. Do you have similar issues re your looks? I now have contacts, sorted my snaggly teeth know how to wear v minimal make up to look less vampire pale (I get told I look ill without it) but it takes minutes , life is too short for hours of titivating!

Work/going out: 4mins for foundation, blusher & tinted lip balm (eyelashes / eyebrows dyed as allergic to eye makeup). Hair 5mins with straighteners. At home, hair twisted up in a clip & foundation only. Decent pair leggings & black top look smart but are comfy. If you make best of yourself but aren't a slave to it I feel it ups your self esteem immeasurably. Not everyone is stunning with no make up! Don't beat yourself up.

I'm not denying some people do this but I think when people have formed this kind of belief it can take on a life of it's own and make you hyper vigilant for rudeness or dirty looks on the days when you feel you are not looking your best and you may be worried about others judging you so make less eye contact and smile less. Likewise you may feel more confident and therefore give out more friendly vibes when you are looking smarter. Even if there is some truth in what you're saying though put a positive spin on things magicpixie, this is a useful way of screening people for those worth being friends with and those who are shallow and not worth wasting your time over. You sound like a nice person who takes people as she finds them so demand the same standard of treatment for yourself and don't waste your mental energy worrying over people who'll treat you less kindly when you're in your scruff.

Pony tail, glasses and scruffs sound perfect to me.

Another point worth remembering, a lot of make up has the effect of making you look healthier than you are - when I'm tired or under the weather, or just been eating crap for a few days, the first place that is obvious is in the skin on my face. I get a bit of a grey tone, particularly around my eyes, foundation or tinted moisturiser covers that. Mascara an eyeliner create the optical illusion of brighter eyes.

Not wearing make up can make you look even more "ill" because people are used to seeing a fake level of "health" in your face due to make up. Putting make up back on will make you look healthier as that's what it's supposed to do.

I must say, I find the idea of having an ill wardrobe odd, don't you just wear normal clothes? Or are your normal clothes really uncomfy?

sazzle,ah yes "Halo Effect" been googling it a bit and it makes perfect sense to me

exactly what ive been trying to describe
thanks for telling me this actually has a name

I wasn't a plain child and not really a plain adult
just I can go from one extreme to the otherlooks wise
from look scruffy and like I make no effort
to ahem, actually quite good looking lol
if I do say so myself
but because its not that important to me, I don't always bother
however I can see how it effects how people are with me

its nothing to do with how I act as I act the same, ive made sure of it, that even when I look scruffy
I smile and say hello
but I do not get the same response
so I know its not me acting less confident or anything like that

thanks pud, yes I am a nice person
I think that's wahy its been bothering me, because I don't judge others on looks so I don't think they should judge me

I'm just accepting this is the way it is and getting on with it and try to not let it bother me

But if you don't judge others on looks, do you really think there are all these people out there judging you and really treating you different? I honestly think some of this must be in your head and you are looking for it - or suffering from low confidence or some form of paranoia to some degree when you feel you are looking less attractive. I'm not saying this to be rude - I really don't understand.

Surely we all have moments of looking more scruffy and less groomed and then days when we are smarter, more groomed - can't say I've really noticed any difference in how people respond to me other than when I make the effort I get some nice compliments as it is so different to my everyday slob look.

sorry bambi I can't be bothered to explain it again, you seem more confussed about it than I do

good luck.

You are coming across as self obsessed OP. What does it matter? Why does it bother you so much that you get a "better reaction" when you look "quite good" as opposed to "scruffy"? I mean, what difference does it make? Unless you are actually getting thrown out of places for looking scruffy, or shop assistants are refusing to serve you.

It would be relevant if you were describing a work situation, where you were paid to do a certain job which was made more difficult by your scruffy appearance.

But considering the majority of us aren't supermodels and face the exact same situation as you are describing, I fail to see your problem. If you mean men are less flirtatious with you, then who cares? If you want the reaction of people sucking up to you because you look good that much, then recreate your "look" every time you go out? Problem solved.

tbh I think you have a far bigger problem with expressing yourself clearly.

Maybe they thought you looked ill because you were unwell. Of course you look ill when you are unwell. It's not a commentary on your clothes.

People don't tell me I look ill when I dress comfortable but scruffy - unless I actually am ill. I think you're reading something into their comments that isn't there.

Where on earth do you people live that you're treated differently if you dress up?

Skylark, I am from North & Midlands and once I got to London, Finance seemed very new money , image above all things, and 'labels'/flash car/ wife & mistress and burn out by 42. Then retire to country and ad hoc 'consulting' with wife no 4 who will be younger than your youngest child. And in Finance, your PA has to wear full slap, heels and a cocktail dress: its the law! My question - if you wear a cocktail dress to work what do you wear to go out?

I am now in marketing in London where its all jeans & dress down every day - much nicer.

Unless you are going to a wedding or a job interview most people look just daft dressing up to the nines.

Clean clothes, clean hair, enough.

I would judge smelly dirty clothes and greasy hair but otherwise no.

I was struck by how twattish the apprentice woman sounded telling the other women to wear short skirts and heels to sell.

There's a stupid expression that is sex sells, yes it does but just sex.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine - sex does sell but I am so over it/ jaded with it and so must an awful lot of people be. Otherwise how do you explain every ad now has a cat or dog/cute other animal? The ugly/cute/sad pug never fails to make me smile & remember the product. If you look at 80's ads, I would say around 75% were funny, not sexual and v famous.(the beer ads especially). Then it all went overtly sexual - which I found trite/lazy/tasteless .

Why do I picture you OP, walking through the park like the old harmony hairspray add, everything in slow motion - sun is shining, striding out tossing your glorious hair with all the men stopping to stare in admiration.

I'm just wondering how extreme your two looks are (dress up and dress down) that you are having this effect on folk and have noticed it to such an extent.