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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make DS rehome his guinea pigs

57 replies

clatterpillar · 14/10/2014 11:46

We got DS guinea pigs when he was 13. He loved them and looked after them really well - they lived in an open pen in his room.

We realised at the time that they could outlive his interest in them and made a provisional plan - before buying - that they could go and live with his grandmother, who agreed.

3 years on, he has started A levels and has a busy social life. The guinea pigs now live in a hutch in the garden. They have not been out the hutch except when he cleans it and I frequently have to check they have hay. I checked them this morning and they had NO WATER in their bottle. This is the second time it has happened.

I have just talked to DS about it and he was uncommunicative but said he had forgotten them a bit and would try harder. I said this isn't good enough, and unless I see them getting some time out of the hutch and no more lapses in basic care, I will rehome them. There is also a family nearby who would like them. He will not consider these options and won't look me in the eye or discuss this properly.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 14/10/2014 12:44

They need to be inside. And he needs to face up to his responsibilities and you need to get tough to make sure he does.
I won't say any more as I got into trouble last time I ventured on to a pet neglect thread.

gentlehoney · 14/10/2014 12:58

It is very very easy to forget water so it is probably best to have two or three bottles on the go at once.

TheFairyCaravan · 14/10/2014 13:04

I actually said it is down right cruel to leave animals outside with no water, Clatterpillar.

It sounds like you've already made your mind up. You've asked if YABU, I think you are. He wanted the guinea pigs, he has got them now and in my mind he should bloody well look after them. I agree with ilovesooty, get tough with him and make sure he faces up to his responsibilities.

fluffyraggies · 14/10/2014 13:19

If you're not going to re-home the pigs (and it doesn't matter who does it, him or you) then have them back inside OP.

If the animals are under his nose he cant forget them again AND it teaches a lesson about animals being a lifelong commitment. Not something to sideline outside when your room gets a bit cluttered (or whatever happened).

Original poster
clatterpillar · 14/10/2014 13:20

Fairy I asked AIBU to rehome the guinea pigs yet you say YABU? He has today to start looking after them properly or they will be rehomed immediately with refusal to discuss constituting agreement with my plan.

Obviously it is cruel to leave animals without water. I checked and gave them water obviously. No animals were mistreated in making of this AIBU.

OP posts:
Original poster
clatterpillar · 14/10/2014 13:23

Fairy I don't agree that he should press on with having gps if he no longer feels any attachment to them. Rehoming is the best outcome for them.

OP posts:
gentlehoney · 14/10/2014 13:23

If the water had actually ran out, then they had been mistreated. Even if it was only briefly.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 14/10/2014 13:30

YABU to rehome the guinea pigs without any real attempt to explore alternative solutions and to get your son to face up to his responsibilities, yes. Did he say that he no longer feels any attachment to them?

Why did you post in YABU? Were you actually looking for the alternative "Validate Me" section?

Original poster
clatterpillar · 14/10/2014 13:30

gentlehoney there was a tiny bit of water left, but not enough for any time at all. They would definitely have been in discomfort and unable to digest food over the course of the day. I think DS gets this. His refusal to look me in the eye and subdued response probably means he is wracked with guilt. But it can't happen again.

OP posts:
Original poster
clatterpillar · 14/10/2014 13:34

Well Tortoise I suppose i feel guilty taking away his pets. DS is adopted and he got them when he came to us. So I suppose I am looking for validation. I am asking him to put forward alternative solutions - he wants to keep them. But I am very busy and cannot always be checking up on him.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 14/10/2014 13:35

They had no water for the second time according to your OP! The guinea pigs have been mistreated.

I think that it is probably for the best if you do get them re-homed, but I think you should never buy another pet. You should never, ever get them on a temporary or provisional basis imo. Animal shelters and rescue centres are over-run because people can't bothered any more or have "outgrown" their pets. It's disgusting imo, pets are for life!

fizzymittens · 14/10/2014 13:41

Buy a 6ft indoor cage and get them inside. It is not the right weather for piggies to be outside now as they don't like cold and damp weather. Your son's wants are secondary to these animals needs

Buying pets for children is fine but as the adult you need to step up and do the adult thing by either caring for them your self or rehoming them tbh. I would hope that all adults who buy pets for children realise that there may come a day that little Johnny 'loses interest' and that's when neglected animals end up in rescue with someone like me. It makes me so bloody angry.

Please do the right thing OP and don't leave it to your lazy, neglectful son.

fizzymittens · 14/10/2014 13:42

Agree with Fairy.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 14/10/2014 13:48

I must admit, I do feel for your son a bit. I had rabbits which I lost interest in, my parents kindly took over their care and told me ' no more pets' . He may well resent you if you get rid of them, but be too caught up in teenagerishness to look after them properly himself. Same thing happened with my son and his hamsters. I took over their care and told him if he didn't buck his ideas up he couldn't have more. He didn't, so they were the last hamsters. He was grateful when I took over their care tho.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 14/10/2014 13:49

If you son has been with you only since he was 13 then I would definitely tread carefully and take the kinder approach

fluffyraggies · 14/10/2014 13:57

Under the circ.s I think unless you (the parent) are perfectly happy to take over the care and cuddles of an animal now he has lost interest (and we all know it happens) AND you happen to know of a good home to send the animal to - then you might as well rehome the pigs.

On the provisio that he will have no more pets bought for him.

futureponyclubmum · 14/10/2014 13:58

I had horses growing up (slightly different I know) but my DM was very clear that having a pony was 100% conditional on me being heavily involved in looking after it and that if I stopped appearing interested or shirked my responsibilities then they would be sold. I knew the score and I never lapsed. She was entirely reasonable in her approach given the consequences. For example if you left a horse for 24hrs with no water you could have a very sick horse and a massive vets bill! When we did sell my very much loved but hopelessly outgrown first pony my DM made me see what was what was best for him and his quality of life which mattered not my selfish whim to keep him semi retired sitting in a paddock when he could be with (and did go to) another little girl doing all the activities he enjoyed.

I think you need to take abit of the PC Mum attitude with your DS and his GPs. Its not fair if they never get let out or are not getting fed/watered properly. If there is a local family willing to take them where they will be loved and well cared for then they should go.

Original poster
clatterpillar · 14/10/2014 14:05

Thank you inspace - that is at the heart of this issue.

If he expresses a strong desire to keep them I am willing to give him another chance and have them by the back door. I am not going to look after them myself because I don't want to play with them, and they deserve more than rudimentary care.

When I was little I had hamsters and I wasn't allowed to sit down for dinner until they were completely sorted.

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 14/10/2014 14:06

But rehoming pets he loves against his will may do lasting damage, especially if he has had a difficult childhood. They're guinea pigs, not horses.

Original poster
clatterpillar · 14/10/2014 14:06

Thanks Futurepony and all other posters.

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 14/10/2014 14:08

Sorry clatter- my last comment was towards future, not you. That's definitely a sensible approach and I'm sure it'll work out. Even good kids neglect their poor little pets, little sods.

fluffyraggies · 14/10/2014 14:08

I think you may have got more ... helpful/sympathetic posts if you had said that the boy has only been with you for 3 years OP.

But never mind. As i say, just tell him kindly but clearly - look after your piggies DS or they will have to go.

sanfairyanne · 14/10/2014 14:14

he took out food and veggies though? is he sure he forgot to check the water bottle

water bottle could just be leaky or else gpigs have started draining it, in that case. some of mine have needed water bottles filling up twice daily
i never worked out how they drained them, but they did

MrsFlorrick · 14/10/2014 14:14

Poor piggies. I feel sad for them reading this.

If there is a good chance of rehoming with either the family you mentioned of DGM then do so. Don't wait.

We have two piggies. They were for the DC but in the full knowledge that the DC at ages 5 and 3 wouldn't be able to fully care for them so they are sort my piggies.

I take full responsibility for them. The DC help out and enjoy helping. But I don't think you can actually expect children to fully take responsibility for pets. You have to be prepared to step in and step up.

sanfairyanne · 14/10/2014 14:15

ds is adopted and he got them when he came to us

omg just read that part

tread v v carefully

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