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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think working as a nanny for my DM is a good idea?

29 replies

PeachyParisian · 13/10/2014 20:29

My DM is going to employ as a nanny to look after my DB who will be 6 months old when I start (yes, there's a bit of a gap!) I'll only be doing 2 full days a week, from 8-6. He will be going to a CM for 2-3 days a week.

What is a fair rate of pay? I have 4 years childcare experience, but I've never worked in the UK so I don't really know! We are in the South East. I'm not after a competitive wage, this is very convenient for me and will be a little more relaxed than most jobs, plus it's family. I adore my DB and would do it for free if I was in a position to, but ultimately these 2 days are days I now will not be able to work elsewhere.

My DM knows she's got to sort of the NI side and so on but we haven't properly discussed pay because I don't know what to ask for. Is an hourly wage best? Or daily and I overlook overtime? Not that there's likely to be any but she might be delayed on a commute, have an evening meeting and my DF might otherwise be occupied.
Also how do I draw the line? If she wants me to babysit on an evening/weekend in the way you'd ask a family member how do I determine when I'm off the clock? I don't want her to feel she can't ask me because I'll charge and ask my Dsis instead.

Is this really going to work? It's quite unusual and I don't know anyone who's been in the same situation that I can ask.

OP posts:

Greenfizzywater · 13/10/2014 20:35

I think it's a bad idea, but if you are going ahead with it then start this discussion on the childcare forum. You need a contract, stating gross pay to be paid via a payroll, to get a P45 when you leave, an hourly rate, paid holiday etc etc

skylark2 · 13/10/2014 20:56

Do you want to charge a commercial rate? If not, how about the same she's paying the childminder? (Adjusted for NI and so on). Or is the point of using you so she doesn't have to pay the CM for five days?

Original poster

PeachyParisian · 13/10/2014 21:13

Point of using me is because I need a job for those 2 days and I'm better than the CM .
I want something vaguely resembling a nanny wage, rather than a CM one as he'll be the only child I'll be looking after and I'm not ofsted registered plus it will be at their house so usual nanny situation! I sort of want a fair middle between minimum wage and the going rate for a nanny, but I don't know what that is!

She's an employment lawyer so I don't imagine she's unaware of the regs, will be sorting contract as soon as we've decided on terms. She's not had a nanny for over a decade and seems to have forgotten all the non-childcare things you can ask them to do. Not sure why I felt the need to tell her!

OP posts:

Purplepoodle · 13/10/2014 21:17

It could work but you need to set out clear lines. How much your paid for what hours. Agree if she is late or has meeting then she pays x. As for babysitting. If your happy to babysit for free on evenings or weekends then tell her she can ask u using a phrase to clearly state she is wanting unpaid 'would u be free for some auntie babysitting on sat' and jot to be huffed if u dont wnat to. Yoi will need to keep very good communication

LittleBairn · 13/10/2014 21:21

Ex nanny here I wouldn't work for family it could get messy.

LittleBairn · 13/10/2014 21:22

Most nannie only do nursery duties, so keeping child space clean and tidy, clothes washed and ironed, cook the kids meals and tidy any mess created.

FishWithABicycle · 13/10/2014 21:30

Nannies are usually significantly more expensive than a CM though, because children at a CM need to fit in with other mindees and CM's own kids whereas a nanny should give a much more value-added experience. Given your experience (assuming you mean actual full time experience) you shouldn't charge less than £8.50p/h normally, but put a 10-15% discount on that because she's family. She'll need to pay more than that overall of course because she'll be liable for national insurance, and don't let her avoid giving you the fully paid 5.6weeks holiday (which bumps up the hourly rate up again)

PixieofCatan · 13/10/2014 21:30

God no, this is the stuff of my nightmares. I'm a nanny and there are always going to be gripes on both sides no matter how amazing your employers are. You can end up seriously resenting people if you don't have a truly open forum on these things, which will be very difficult given that you're family!

If you plan to go ahead, you don't 'charge' anything, she sets the gross rate and you choose to accept or not. I'm paid a set rate hourly, overtime and babysitting at another rate. If my employers allow me to go early or don't need me I'm paid for that time rather than having to owe it back.
It's not just NI, it's tax too.

If you want to get into nannying, there is no way you'll be able to use her for a reference, this is something you need to seriously consider if nannying is what you want to do.

nannynick · 13/10/2014 21:34

8 Gross an hour. Agreed number of hours per week, so can calculate out to agreed annual salary.

A nanny in south east could be any salary between NMW and 15 gross, though many will be in 8-12 range.

PixieofCatan · 13/10/2014 21:38

Sorry, missed the childcare experience paragraph. What is your experience? You should accept at least the minimum nanny wage for your area, maybe more.

I'm in the SE (Brighton and work in Mid-Sussex), I get £10.50gph and I have 4 years nannying experience and other experience in a mismatch of settings before that.

nannynick · 13/10/2014 21:40

What will you do on the other days. Is doing this for your mum going to prevent you getting other work?

gentlehoney · 13/10/2014 23:29

You will be in a dual role, and it will be difficult to be professional if you are caring for your little brother.

Original poster

PeachyParisian · 13/10/2014 23:37

Thanks for the advice everyone! 8ish an hour gross seems pretty good.

I have 4 years full time experience with ages ranging from 4 months to 14 years. Don't plan on continuing with nannying long term, I'm back at uni now and hope to be a lawyer eventually. We're in Hertfordshire, just north of London.

It will prevent me working on those two days but not overall. Technically I'm a full time student but I only have contact hours 2/3 days a week. I do have another weekend job in retail though.

We do have a very open relationship, and I did just mention to her I'll be expecting a petrol allowance if she's wanting me to take him to his baby groups and got an eye roll in response. I don't want them to feel that I'm being cheeky but likewise I don't want to accept something I'm not happy with just because it's my mum.

In previous nanny roles I have ended up doing slightly more than typical nursery duties but the only extra I wouldn't mind doing would be cooking a quick dinner. I also have a 16yo DB but he looks after himself!

OP posts:

wobblyweebles · 14/10/2014 02:00

I paid our nannies around $12 an hour although they sorted out their own tax etc. I also paid mileage when they used their car to take the children places.

wobblyweebles · 14/10/2014 02:00

Sorry, I think that works out around 8 pounds an hour...

OutragedFromLeeds · 14/10/2014 02:16

It sounds like a terrible idea tbh.

maras2 · 14/10/2014 02:32

Nooooooo. Don't do it;paid or otherwise.It'll end in tears. < and not the child's >

Eastpoint · 14/10/2014 03:10

It isn't 'right' that your mother should profit from your kindness, if she won't cover your fuel costs & is willing to pay you only just above minimum wage it isn't going to end well. Your helping your fully qualified mother is very different to a grandmother helping her grandchildren. How will your mother respond if you can't work for two weeks due to pressure of academic work? Who will she use for childcare? How flexible will Her childminder be? How many hours of independent study are you expected to do while studying?

mimishimmi · 14/10/2014 04:41

I think you should charge the going rate for whatever you'd be getting at your other job. It isn't fair to expect family members, close or extended, to make career sacrifices so they can look after your kids.

PixieofCatan · 14/10/2014 07:36

She's eye rolling at you asking for petrol allowance for using your car. Which is a perfectly reasonable expectation as a nanny using their own car. Get out of this situation NOW.

If that's 4 years nannying experience you could easily find a nannying job, especially part time as less people want part time work. 4 years childcare experience is plenty to get you a nanny role as well.

At the very least you need to agree a fair wage, not a subsidised rate because she's family. There is a thing in the crafting community about how to price up your creations for selling, I think it's similar in childcare. You categorically do not underprice yourself, you think of the time and effort going in, what other people with similar experience and qualifications receive for their work and that is what you should get. By underpricing yourself you're impacting everybody else who is doing similar work whether you intend to or not. Mates rates is fine for a one off job, but long term childcare and job security shouldn't be on mates rates.

wobbly Nannies are rarely self employed legally in the UK, it's difficult to be a nanny that qualifies for self employment. I'm both employed and self employed, HMRC grilled me about each and every job I have done in the past and my current employed role and my self employed work a few months ago when I called under completely different circumstances. They're getting shit hot on it too.

Ehhn · 14/10/2014 07:48

If you are smart enough and qualified enough to apply for a law degree and you are in the South East with childcare experience, don't nanny for 8 ph - tutor! You will get anywhere between 15 and 40 ph depending on what your grades from school are like and what age/level you tutor. Also, the times fit in a lot better with uni timetables, as most tutoring takes place after school or at weekends.

Family, employment and children sound like a recipe for falling out...

Castlemilk · 14/10/2014 07:55

Eye roll? Ok, that answers all your questions- and most of those asked by posters in return. Don't do it.

londonrach · 14/10/2014 08:03

Sorry the eye roll on your petrol money would suggest this is a very very bad idea.

LittleBairn · 14/10/2014 08:14

One thing I would be worried about is nannying for your mother long term won't look great on your CV you might find it difficult to find nanny work after its over.

antimatter · 14/10/2014 08:17

In SE nannies with your experience are at least 10 pounds ph.
If your DM can afford it she should pay that.

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