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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not sew buttons into DH's coat

52 replies

ButtonGate · 13/10/2014 14:26

DH has had the same coat for a few winters now and slowly the buttons are coming off.

Every winter he drags it out, and every winter MIL asks why I haven't sewn the buttons on.

AIBU to think it is not my job to do this. He is a fully functioning adult who has been to university. He has lived on his own. Is it not her fault for not teaching him this life skill? Although I'm not entirely sure he can't sew? I shall certainly teach my son how to sew a bloody button on?

Is it because I am a SAHM? I do work from home as well but that is on the back burner until DS goes to school.

Am I a terrible wife? Do I need a sewing pile?

OP posts:
mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 13/10/2014 14:28

Yabu to not tell his mother this. Otherwise yanbu.

OwlCapone · 13/10/2014 14:28

That depends whether you leave the "man jobs" to him.

LadyLuck10 · 13/10/2014 14:29

Yanbu to think he should be capable of sewing it, but wouldn't it be kinder to just do it for him.
I would do it for my DH, not because it's expected and we do everything for tat, but because I have the time and kind to him.

livelablove · 13/10/2014 14:30

Tell her he'd have to sew it himself if he was in the Army.

JumpAndTwist · 13/10/2014 14:30

YANBU

Ignore 1950s MIL.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/10/2014 14:31

I would do it for Dh because I'm better at sewing than he is just as he fills up my car on a Sunday night as he knows I hate doing it. If you don't want to do it though then don't, he doesn't sound bothered.

JumpAndTwist · 13/10/2014 14:33

My DH sews his own buttons. It only takes a few mins. It does not seriously impact his important man time in the evenings. If he doesn't sew them it means he isn't that bothered. Simple.

Poledra · 13/10/2014 14:33

I would do it, but not because I am 'the wife' but because I am better at it than DH. Same reason that he cleans the oven - it'd be sending up smoke signals before I'd bother cleaning it, he does it before it becomes a health hazard.

OwlCapone · 13/10/2014 14:34

Why have you felt the need to namechange or register on MN to post this, OP?

Seriouslyffs · 13/10/2014 14:34

I would. I see running sewing repairs the same as making someone else a cup of tea when I have the kettle on rather than a betrayal of Emmeline Pankhurst.

combust22 · 13/10/2014 14:36

I would just do it. Yes that may be sexist, but my OH wouldn't have a clue.

My OH does a lot of the DIY, he's good with wooden and electrical things, so I leave that to him. It makes sense for the person with the skill to do the job.

When I was at school only the girls were taught cooking and sewing, boys did metal work and woodwork. Boys did no cooking and girsl were not allowed to do metalwork.

As a result I can replace a zip in a garment but find it hard to put up shelves.

BackforGood · 13/10/2014 14:38

I don't object to doing something, simply because, historically it would have been the woman's "job". Personally, I don't mind sewing - did quite a lot last night as it happens (kids badges, put a patch in some jeans, etc), as it gives me good reason to sit in front of the tele for the night. I am therefore happy to sew a button on for my dh.
OTOH, there are some jobs that I really don't like doing (eg, putting the compost out into the composter in the garden), and dh does these for us, as he knows it's something I hate doing.

The key is, that you both do "stuff" - I don't understand households where people think they can only do their own 'jobs'... to the extent of putting in separate washes or whatever. Here, we all work towards keeping the household going in different ways.

If you are a SAHM, then I'd expect you to take up a much higher proportion of the 'stuff' than your dh (unless of course you have 3 yr old triplets and 8month old twins which you are going to mention later in the thread Wink).

AMumInScotland · 13/10/2014 14:40

I would frown and ask MIL why she doesn't ask him why he hasn't sewn the buttons back on. It's certainly not your responsibility as a wife to sort it out.

In fact, I do sew DHs buttons back on, and any other little sewing jobs. But he asks me politely if I could do it, and I am totally happy to as I am much better at it. All part of the give-and-take of a relationship. But not someone else's right to assume because of gender.

Idontseeanysontarans · 13/10/2014 14:40

I would and do because a) sewing is a hobby of mine, I made him some pj pants not long ago among other things, b) he has seriously shit eyesight and would probably end up dying a death by a thousand cuts and c) it's a button. As a pp says, it's like putting the kettle on or locking the door.
Your MIL is U to assume you are the only one who is capable of doing it but it isn't a betrayal of feminist principles to do something for a man..

Idontseeanysontarans · 13/10/2014 14:41

Crap. Thanks for the reminder Backforgood, got some Brownie badges to do tonight!

Sunna · 13/10/2014 14:44

When I refused to shorten some work jeans for DH he stapled the hem up.

ThatBloodyWoman · 13/10/2014 14:45

YABU.
I don't know how to change an alternator on a car so my dh does it and doesn't expect me to learn how to do it.
He would show me if I asked though, and had time to learn.
I do mending for him, because I can do it.I would show him if he wanted and had time to learn.
We work as a team, or else it gets unpleasant and difficult.

OOAOML · 13/10/2014 14:47

It depends on division of skills and labour in your relationship I think. I would sew buttons on DH's coat, because I like sewing, have lots of sewing stuff, and he doesn't, and I tend to do sewing-related things in our household. I would expect him to ask me though, I don't go round inspecting his clothes.

On the other hand, if I need something from a high shelf I ask him if he's around. If I have a tough jar to open I ask him. These are things I could do but he is better at. When we get mice (we live in an old flat, so this happens most winters) he deals with them. I could, but I am squeamish and he isn't as much.

I actually quite like if I have a small sewing pile. I tend to pour myself some wine and watch TV whilst feeling virtuous because I am 'working'.

I'm not a SAHM, I don't think that's relevant. I think it more relevant whether you or DH are better at sewing buttons on, and how you divide tasks between you.

meddie · 13/10/2014 14:49

YANBU but it obviously isnt bothering him since hes left it for a few winters. I would be more inclined to sit down, show him how a button is sewn on then leave him to do the rest if he wants.

DilligafMyUKIP · 13/10/2014 14:50

Funnily enough, DH and I operate as a partnership. He does some stuff, i do some stuff - I'd certainly get pissed off if he refused to do something on the grounds 'he wasnt my daddy' or some such shit.

You see, this does annoy me no end on threads like this Is it because I am a SAHM? I am just dying to tell you get off your arse, stop posting righteous indignation, sew the frikking button on and for good measure earn your own money - then you'll be back in a even keel with your feminist principles.

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2014 14:52

Why are you asking us?

Do you not tell your MIL that your DH can do it himself?

Offler · 13/10/2014 14:54

DP, who famously repairs his jeans using old shirts and copydex, replaced the zip in jacket by himself! (I was impressed, I'd told him to buy a new one, new zips are buggers!!) I think sewing on a button should be within the means of most people, male or female.

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2014 14:55

Also just to check OP, as a fully functioning adult, can you change a car tyre and do an oil change?

If you're a driver then that's a life skill you should have learnt.

FunkyBoldRibena · 13/10/2014 14:55

I would but that's because I know he would spend so long doing it and I'd end up getting annoyed watching, and then I'd have to apply some sort of first aid to him, and then do it properly myself anyway.

You could probably have done it in the time it took you to post that thread and read the replies.

Naoko · 13/10/2014 15:00

I would sew the button, because I like sewing and DP doesn't (and he does other stuff I hate), and because DP works full time with a long commute and I don't right now.

But if my MIL asked me why I hadn't sewn on DP's buttons, there would be Words regarding it not being the 1950s, and what, exactly is wrong with her assumptions about gender roles.