Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not sew buttons into DH's coat

52 replies

ButtonGate · 13/10/2014 14:26

DH has had the same coat for a few winters now and slowly the buttons are coming off.

Every winter he drags it out, and every winter MIL asks why I haven't sewn the buttons on.

AIBU to think it is not my job to do this. He is a fully functioning adult who has been to university. He has lived on his own. Is it not her fault for not teaching him this life skill? Although I'm not entirely sure he can't sew? I shall certainly teach my son how to sew a bloody button on?

Is it because I am a SAHM? I do work from home as well but that is on the back burner until DS goes to school.

Am I a terrible wife? Do I need a sewing pile?

OP posts:
DaisyFlowerChain · 13/10/2014 15:01

I'd do it if home all day, I'm forever hearing on here that being a SAHP is part of a team yet nobody seems to want to do anything for the WOHP who has to work all day.

I'd do it do DH despite is both working just as he weeds the garden as I hate doing it.

shatteredboo · 13/10/2014 15:02

It's sewing a button fgs. It's pretty straight forward. All this "never been taught to do it" nonsense really gets on my nerves.
Has he got a pair of eyes and a pair of hands? Then I shpuld think he could have a go at it.
Its hardly the same as changing a tyre.
It's a button!!!

Infinity8 · 13/10/2014 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bigoldsupermoon · 13/10/2014 15:15

Boggled by the arsey replies so far! The OP's asked if she's U to think that this isn't her job. It isn't her job. If her husband's repeatedly wearing a busted-up old coat, he's clearly fine with that. His mother needs to keep her beak out, and he needs to ask for help if he 1) wants to sew the buttons back on and 2) doesn't know how.

YANBU, OP.

AMumInScotland · 13/10/2014 15:38

The issue isn't sewing on the button.

The issue is MIL assuming that it is DILs responsibility to sew on the button.

In many threads, the issue is the DHs assumption that it is the wife's responsibility to sew on the button.

So far as I can see, the DH hasn't asked her to sew on the button. In fact he hasn't even made any comment about the button or the need for anyone to sew it back on.

Hurr1cane · 13/10/2014 17:02

I do the sewing and the cleaning and care for DS. DP works and does the DIY.

I know it's terribly old fashioned but it works for us

DuelingFanjo · 13/10/2014 17:11

"Also just to check OP, as a fully functioning adult, can you change a car tyre and do an oil change?"

you have no idea if she can or can't, I guess she can if she wants to. Or are you assuming that every woman must get their man to do these things

The point is, the OP's mother in law is repeatedly asking the OP why she hasn't done it which is a massive assumption about the wifely roles. It's ridiculously rude and backwards.

Why doesn't the OP's MIL ask her son 'why haven't you sewn your buttons on?

ArkhamOffett · 13/10/2014 17:13

YANBU. He should do it himself as it's his coat and you're not a servant.

In fact, that's what I'd say to MIL "I'm not his servant"

Fairenuff · 13/10/2014 17:22

I would say "The last time I did that MIL he complained that my sewing wasn't as neat as yours so perhaps you could do it for him this time" and smile sweetly.

Idontseeanysontarans · 13/10/2014 17:25

My MIL can out-Stepford a Stepford wife at times and would still lecture DH on not doing it himself Grin
I'd still do it myself though, he faints if he sees blood...
can change oil and a car tyre despite not being a driver

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 13/10/2014 17:27

I can sew a button on, although that is the extent of my sewing skills, I can change a plug too, my nan taught me both as a child. I can't change a tyre or do an oil change but then again I don't drive and would learn if I did.

However, the issue isn't whether the OP or her DH can sew, change tyres or plugs. The issue is with her MIL's attitude that it's the OP's job to sew the button(s) back on because she has a vagina.

OP YANBU

SirChenjin · 13/10/2014 17:28

I would do it because I don't prescribe to the "it's my job/your job" thing - DH is not great at sewing, although he can do it, and I'm shite at other things he's better at. We don't have time to think about whose job is whose, we just do it.

The fact that my MIL was sticking her oar in would tick me off royally though, and I would be passing the sewing to her.

Brassrubbing · 13/10/2014 17:40

I would treat your MIL's interventions in much the same way I respond to my own MIL's references to my DH 'babysitting' his own son and 'helping out' around the house. I smile and say, 'Oh, you poor thing, you really are living back in the 1950s, aren't you?'

Your husband, assuming no disability, would presumably be able to sew on his buttons if he felt strongly about their absence - I wear the same elderly parka with one pocket ripped out every winter to walk in the fields. I'm perfectly capable of repairing it, I just can't be bothered. But of course, no one is tutting at my husband' slack of domestic skills at letting me out like that.

sunbathe · 13/10/2014 17:55

Hmm, changing the oil and tyres - isn't that what garages and the AA are for? Wink

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2014 18:01

You could argue that a dry cleaners/tailors would sew a button on for you

But it doesn't make sewing any less of a life skill.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/10/2014 18:50

I'd sew the button because I can't stand to see buttons hanging off & to do something nice for DH, not because it's 'my job'.

DH is actually a much better 'sew-er' (seamster? sempster?) than I am and actually enjoys mending & sewing much the same way I enjoy needle crafts, that is, seeing the 'final product'.

It usually isn't a 'good thing' in a marriage to start divvying up according to what is 'his job' and what is 'her job' and eyeing the lists jealously to be sure you aren't doing 'more' than your partner. It has nothing to do with being a SAHM, it has to do with partnership and who has the time & the skills to do what. Some weeks DH does a lot more around the house/property than I do. Some weeks I'm scrubbing floors whilst he's watching telly. It all works out in the end.

grannymcphee · 13/10/2014 19:00

Honestly, it's a 5 minute job. Just do it. Why make an issue of it?! unless you want him to go around looking like a hobo!

Gruntfuttock · 13/10/2014 19:03

I couldn't agree more, AcrossthePond55 Smile

OwlCapone · 13/10/2014 19:51

I guess the OP is too busy sewing buttons on to comment further.

TonyThePony · 13/10/2014 19:56

I don't know how to sew Blush I'll be taking clothes to my mum to repair for me when I'm 70 Grin

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 13/10/2014 20:06

Meh...I've got by without having to sew anything more than a button. If the OP's DH is that bothered about the lack of buttons on his coat he could learn how to sew Wink

grannymcphee it's not the OP's responsibility to make sure her DH doesn't go around looking like an hobo. In fact if the OP posted a thread complaining that she had to tell her DH what to wear to avoid him looking like an hobo she'd be told she was controlling and he would have every right to look like one if he wanted to.

BuggersMuddle · 13/10/2014 20:31

Divide up the household tasks as you see fit. Before tackling MIL, perhaps say 'DP you are beginning to look a bit unkempt - are you going to sort out those buttons'? Grin

DP does the simple sewing in this house because I am lazy and swear when I have to deal with a sewing machine. Delicate hemming tends to be my job because he can't seem to stop himself blatantly stitching through.

On the other hand, I have had conversations with my DM along the lines of:

DM: 'You need to sort out your kitchen or people will think you're slovenly.'
Me: 'Won't they also think DP is slovenly since he made the mess? Hmm'
DM: 'No, because that's just the way it is. But he should fix that bit of skirting in your living room or people will think he's lazy.'

There is sadly an element of truth in the above with some people. I get round this by avoiding as far as possible letting those people in my house life and when I have to (they're family) completely bloody ignoring them.

Pistone · 13/10/2014 22:23

I would just do it and not analyize it. It's not a big deal.

RufusTheReindeer · 13/10/2014 22:31

My MIL asked me why I hadn't cleared the garden!!!

Now I'm just confused...

steff13 · 13/10/2014 22:47

Take it to the dry cleaners and have them do it. That's what I do for coats. For pants/shirts, I just do it myself, but all of our coats are thick wool, and they have to be cleaned every winter, anyway.