my baby boomer parents are selfish and ungrateful

[yoofoftoday]

Had lunch with parents yesterday and left so fuming.

Mother complains about not being able to get a new car on finance and that her retirement income is only 28k after she retired early. Her current car is only 4 years old and she often uses her free bus pass (only free to her take payers have to pay for it along with the rising bus fares) as she doesn't was the BMW to get scratched in town. I barely can afford the bus and can't even afford a car.

Dad who gets his state pension but still works was complaining that he has to pay Ni and then wait till the end of the year to claim it back. Also complqains that now he gets his state pension has to up the amount in his private pension to avoid 40% tax. He only keeps doing this job as its easy and he works from home not doing much.

Uncle who sold a building plot to developers for a fortune ages ago and hasn't worked since said "oh your poor dad still working". When my dad is in perfect health and works from home paid a lot for easy work, basically on call 9-5.

Then my parents say they are putting their winter fuel allowance towards a 3d DVD player while I go home to my cold house where I only put the heating on if it goes below 16.

Nc but regular.

There isn't anything we can do to change it no, a little recognition of this from people with final salary pension schemes and winter fuel allowances they spend on holidays/gin wouldn't go amiss

Sorry fizz, I see you know now!

I am not boomer generation either and won't get what that generation got. But it's a numbers game, no point begrudging people who were around at a more enlightened time.

The boomers parents begrudged them too, as they didn't have a war to deal with. There was a massive generation gap.

boomers' parents, sorry

fizzy I've no doubt many old people are living in abject poverty, which is indeed sad and distressing. However, I have also known old people who appear to have nothing, who actually have quite a lot, but just won't spend it, even to make themselves more comfortable. It's baffling. There have been a few in DH's family.

Yes - this is probably a throwback to the scrimping and saving that these people have done all of their lives. It is a hard habit to break. I often have to encourage my Mum to spend money but she feels guilty doing so because she has a rainy day mentality.

My parents are well off & have mortgage free for a long time. But when they built the family home (given land) interest rates were like 14% so whilst a less mortgage it was probably equal to what most pay now.
They didn't buy biscuits, go on holidays etc. Mum worked 2 jobs I hardly seen her as a small child.

But their sacrifices were worth it & they are well off now & comfortable, fantastic pensions & own property but are not flashy about any of it.
They are very generous & I know some friends wonder how I can 'take' so much from them but I never ask, they give & offer because they want to, for us & their grandchild.

We ourselves are ok money wise -but we spend way too much on convenience food & could make serious savings there. I had a life insurance payout which is letting us move it a large family home on a small mortgage but realistically we will live in my parents when the time comes. we should have our mortgage paid off by then & that will act as a pension top up. I don't consider myself lucky to have that, my health issue could remove me from earth at anytime but I gotta live with what I have while I can.

I want to go back to work part time & whilst it will make things tighter it's important to me to be a mum, despite parents providing free Childcare.
I guess I would feel resentful if they didn't help us put when they can more than afford to bit I dont have that problem. I an very close to them & see them everyday, I dont go crawling when I need sthing or anything like that.

Why does the fact that the parents are "baby boomers" rather than well-off people her own age mean that it has to be turned into political point-scoring about how hard these people might have had it in their youth?

simple. because the state supports boomers, and not well off people her own age.

But it's a numbers game, no point begrudging people who were around at a more enlightened time.

Enlightened wtf? History will remember the boomers as the laziest, selfish and feckless group of people.

I'm still tempted to emergrate, hate my tax going to support such unfair stuff.

b) Our generation will benefit from their good fortune eventually as most of their assets will eventually go to their children.
B) have you not heard of inheritance tax? Also I want to be able to afford a house now, not 30 years down the line when I'm 60.

My Dh has been doing some consulting work for a large group that owns a chain of retirement and nursing homes (privately owned but gov't subsidised). All the research shows that due to the extraordinary numbers of baby boomers who will all require nursing homes etc over the same time period there will be a massive under-supply of beds and prices will go up exponentially. This will mean that a huge proportion of elderly people will need to sell their homes and all major assets to fund their latter years.
The statistics show a huge drop in the number of people who will be able to leave any significant assets to their children or family.

I'm in Australia btw, so my info is based on the Australian system, but the demographic trends are global.

The truth is that pensioners vote and that is why the government will not make any adjustment to their benefits .

They would much rather take away benefits fir young people.

You are not being unreasonable at all OP. My parents are typical middle class baby boomers, were given every advantage in life (free education, affordable houses + massive capital gain, parents gave them a deposit to buy a house) and squandered the opportunities & advantages they were given through fecklessness, basically. I don't expect anything from them but I certainly have very little patience for them complaining about not having enough money, when I remember the financial chaos of my childhood.

DH and I have been lucky enough (and worked hard enough) to have a nice standard of life, but we have a mortgage that is far beyond anything they would have taken on at our age (for a nice but not fancy 3 bed house - and we are well-off compared to friends who will probably never get on the housing ladder, certainly not in a house as nice as ours.) DH and I work long hours, FT - my mum basically never worked full time, neither did my dad, & mum was a SAHM for most of my childhood. Meanwhile I'm still paying off my student loan (10 years after I graduated) and saving for retirement while my parents collect their government superannuation (of course they never saved towards a pension & of course that govt super will be long gone by the time I'm their age).

I don't know who is more irritating, them or my very wealthy MIL who ought a holiday home on hitting the age of entitlement for universal govt super because it freed up some capital but has the cheek to bitch about beneficiaries living on the poverty line

so, YANBU

Where are you going to emigrate to yoof?! The situation is exactly the same outside the UK.

SE Asia has a better demographic profile I think.
Can it get any more appealing!? Seriously considering a move!

"I'm still tempted to emergrate, hate my tax going to support such unfair stuff."
I get that your parents are selfish fucks who lack empathy. But frankly, you are starting to sound as if the apple has not fallen far from the tree.

This bitter and envious thread is the result of people forgetting how vulgar it is to discuss money...ever and always!

Enlightened wtf? History will remember the boomers as the laziest, selfish and feckless group of people.

that's not really fair either.

taxes, tuition, pensions etc were all set and sometimes generous because of demographic trends. what happened is that there was a bulge in the working age population, a perfect position for a society to be in (some asian countries are in that position now). when you have many more working age people, they have a much smaller pool of people to support (young in schools and old in homes) so you can be fairly generous.

now things are very different. the bulge is getting older, and in some countries (like japan) it's getting critical. now too few people are supporting a lot of old people. The problem is that we (young) aren't adjusting, and neither are the old. they are going to have to get used to a much worse lifestyle, and so are the young.

but I don't think it's useful blaming them and calling them lazy. just like it doesn't make sense for them to call the young that.

all the research shows that due to the extraordinary numbers of baby boomers who will all require nursing homes etc over the same time period there will be a massive under-supply of beds and prices will go up exponentially. This will mean that a huge proportion of elderly people will need to sell their homes and all major assets to fund their latter years
?
Sounds like life as a baby boomer further down the line won't be such a breeze.
A large glut of elderly people requiring care and a shortage of younger people prepared to do the care work.

I wonder what we will do?
Import people from the third world to provide care?
House all the boomers in massive 'elderly care factories'??

Yoof - I was made to think of you yesterday. My mum has just swapped a paid weekly job for a pain monthly one starting at the start of the month.

She phoned me yesterday telling me that she is destitute. She has no food in the house, she can't feed the cats.

I don't have much, I'm living on a tight budget at the moment and we're living on beans on toast and other cheap, quick meals. She knows this.

When I got home last night after DS's club, I pack into a carrier bag all of the food that I have to offer her - bread, milk, rice, pasta, tinned soup, marmite, fig rolls (yuk) and coffee.

When I arrive, I get the "WTAF is that??!" then she tells me that she has milk, she has pasta, she has rice, she has bread... She's taken the soup though and (thankfully) the fig rolls.

I know that our situations are very different, but we're both playing Top Trumps with our parents.

I have no idea what the solution is Suzannewithaplan. The research Dh was talking about showed demand out-stripping supply by at least 30%.
DH's clients are, of course, rubbing their hands in glee at all the money they will make out of the situation. Charming huh!?

' rubbing their hands in glee at all the money they will make out of the situation. Charming huh!?'

I share your distaste, his clients are exploiting frail and needy humans, then again his clients are in business, the raison d'etre of business is to generate profit.
Surely it is the job of government to legislate in such a way that the vulnerable are protected from exploitation ?

The probelm with older care will sure be made worse by the fact that baby boomers children are working much longer and have significantly less time.

What percentage of people end up in homes? Non of my grandparents did.

Lots of care homes have been asset stripped then the government has stepped in to save them from closing, allowing private companies to run away with the money.

Too many people are living too long is the upshot of it.

much better to euthanase 'em all