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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't think im being unreasonable...why comment?

41 replies

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 13/10/2014 08:56

Good friend got engaged this weekend and already knows her rough wedding date. Already knew on Friday but they announced it this morning on facebook.

There Are 30 comments so Dar and half of those are from other women and just say brief congrats and then 'diet starts today's or 'salads from now's or 'plenty of time to get in shape'

Very disheartened to see it tbh. I know everyone wants to.look their best bit I think it's a shitty thing to say especially if you only know them on facebook. It implied that they need to lose weight and adds more stress and pressure. It would have been ok if my friend had posted that she was aiming to lose weight and wanted encouragement, then got motivating comments with congrats but it pretty much hijacked the engagement news and became all about weight losing.

My friend is pretty fit - she runs shitloads and doesn't believe in diets so I know she will be additionally unimpressed as well because she won't have considered losing any weight anyway!

Aibu to think these comments are rude and unneeded? That people are tucking too obsessed with weight and others waistlines? I know my friend will be passed off, I know if I got those I would be too and more bloody paranoid! Anyone else see this or hear it from people?

OP posts:

monkeymamma · 13/10/2014 09:00

To borrow a mumsnet phrase, this really boils my piss! Why oh why is the world so obsessed with what women weigh and how they look. I bet no-ones suggested her dfiancé goes on a diet. Hope you leave a comment to this effect!

Original poster

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 13/10/2014 09:02

And now a message saying she should get a spray tan because she is too pale!

OP posts:

froootbat · 13/10/2014 09:02

Yanbu! I think it's that kind of snit that gives people a complex. Her weight, fitness and how she looks in her dress is none of anyone else's business.
There is absolutely no need to pressurise someone to lose weight before they're wedding day, especially if they're insecure, your wedding day is stressful enough!

fellowes · 13/10/2014 09:02

she should just reply i love my fiance the way he is he doesnt need to diet :)

Original poster

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 13/10/2014 09:03

Oh no they both should apparently get one!

OP posts:

Roussette · 13/10/2014 09:04

Perhaps the comments are from people who are talking about themselves and not expecting the bride-to-be to lose weight? (my diet starts today to get into my wedding outfit so I can look good at your wedding)

Ragwort · 13/10/2014 09:08

It just sounds like most of the complete and utter rubbish that people seem to spout on Facebook ................ just don't take it seriously, or better still, don't bother with Facebook. There is life outside FB you know .

Some people announce their engagement in the newspapers - very posh ones in the Telegraph - you can't imagine other people posting a message in the Telegraph saying 'time to lose weight' or whatever.

It seems to me that if you engage in these sort of social media announcements you can expect some pretty stupid replies back .

moxon · 13/10/2014 09:08

Honestly, I think it is because people have no thoughts of their own anymore. They are too lazy to think up something new, or appropriate, so they subconsciously just reach for the 'societal response' - which is this sort of sexist crap. It irks me endlessly!

Original poster

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 13/10/2014 09:09

No it's aimed at her, not them. If it was that's their choice but def aimed at her or her and dh. A lot of people are saying how they did it for their big day right after.

So far too these comments are from just fb friends, people used to go school with, not ones who'll be invited.

OP posts:

Original poster

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 13/10/2014 09:12

Have to sign off for a bit to go into work now but her fiance is a good friend and lover a joke so I may make a comment of him bring the one nor her like people have suggested. He's sure to comment!

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 13/10/2014 09:31

I think it's standard fb comments. No need to get so worked up. I'm pretty sure most poem will want to look their best anyway so will either diet.

SurelyTemple · 13/10/2014 09:33

I'd be annoyed too! Like a bride has to be thin to look properly 'bridal' or some such nonsense.

SurelyTemple · 13/10/2014 09:35

re the spray tan, a friend who got married in the early 2000's believed that her dress was so classic, her hair was so classic etc, she thought that her photos wouldn't DATE. Now she looks at them and thinks 'i'm ORANGE'

Brassrubbing · 13/10/2014 09:39

Yanbu, it's moronic, but there is absolutely a widespread school of thought that sees it as normal for a bride and her bridesmaids to suddenly start a full-body overhaul the second the date is set. The same school of thought that sees a woman's wedding as the Biggest Day of Her Life, and assumes she's been planning it since she was playing with dolls. The same school of thought that has assistants in bridal dress shops assuming that when a woman buys a dress some time before the wedding, she will definitely need alterations closer to the time, because she will be consciously losing weight.

Staywithme · 13/10/2014 09:40

It's lazy comments coming from people who want to say something but don't have the imagination to think of anything original. Sure you see it on mumsnet too. The throw away comments that are repeated over and over again. tried to be smart and say adnasium, ad nais, a, ah fuck it I don't know how to spell it!

KayHarker1 · 13/10/2014 09:42

I don't get facebook in this context anyway. But that aside, how vair, vair rude of people. You share those kind of comments if they've been invited in the OP - like 'I'm getting married, time to start the diet', and then you say 'Good luck'. You don't say, 'Oh you're getting married? You must be a bit tubby, time to start a diet'. Shocking.

MrsPiggie · 13/10/2014 09:43

If the friend was severely overweight then such comments would be annoying and inappropriate. Since she's not, it just sounds like random, slightly thoughtless chit chat and nothing more. I don't know what reason you've got to feel annoyed on her behalf, did she give any sign that she was bothered?

VermillionPorcupine · 13/10/2014 09:49

The same school of thought that has assistants in bridal dress shops assuming that when a woman buys a dress some time before the wedding, she will definitely need alterations closer to the time, because she will be consciously losing weight

But that's not an unfounded 'school of thought'. The assistants have a very good reason to assume that most brides will be losing weight, based on their experience.

I got married this year and got quite friendly with the lady that owned the dress shop where I got my dress. She told me about 90% of her brides intentionally pick a too-small dress because they will be losing weight.

It's hardly an assumption based on nothing.

Thumbwitch · 13/10/2014 09:50

It's pretty bad but it's what you expect from many FB posters. They're probably the ones who get their baps out for "supporting breast cancer" or do the "secret code" thingy for the same reason.
Shallow, post before they think, don't give much thought (or indeed a shit) to the potential impact of their comments.

magpiegin · 13/10/2014 09:53

I think it depends on her. I am not overweight but my friends might say that to me as a joke and that's how I would take it.

OnlyLovers · 13/10/2014 09:57

It doesn't just happen on FB. It's happened in RL to people I know; friends, family and colleagues all seem to just assume that any woman getting married will be wanting to lose weight.

It's depressing.

RiverTam · 13/10/2014 10:03

I don't understand the whole 'standard FB comments' as though people on FB are a separate species. Surely if your FB friends are actual friends this doesn't happen? Is it just when people friend all and sundry that you get this kind of rubbish?

KayHarker1 · 13/10/2014 10:06

RiverTam Indeed. I'm on facebook, got about 60 friends and family who I know and trust. I very rarely get bollocks on there and when I do, its because someone is having a bad day and we all move on. But some people appear to have any old random bod on there and still post as though they are in an intimate setting. Makes no sense to me.

moxon · 13/10/2014 10:10

Agree with river. Fb isn't an excuse for being moronic. They will say the same things in person because of what stay repeated. (Oh, and lol at that. I think...)

FreakinScaryCaaw · 13/10/2014 10:13

I'm a bit shocked. I can't think of one person on my FB who would do this? I'm getting married next year and the only comments I got were positive.

But then again I only have mostly people on my FB who I like and know. Plus some artists. I so actually need to lose some weight. Could there be some envy coming through for your friend? Perhaps those commenting need to lose weight and know she doesn't?

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