I don't think im being unreasonable...why comment?

[wantstolickwilliamgraham]

Good friend got engaged this weekend and already knows her rough wedding date. Already knew on Friday but they announced it this morning on facebook.

There Are 30 comments so Dar and half of those are from other women and just say brief congrats and then 'diet starts today's or 'salads from now's or 'plenty of time to get in shape'

Very disheartened to see it tbh. I know everyone wants to.look their best bit I think it's a shitty thing to say especially if you only know them on facebook. It implied that they need to lose weight and adds more stress and pressure. It would have been ok if my friend had posted that she was aiming to lose weight and wanted encouragement, then got motivating comments with congrats but it pretty much hijacked the engagement news and became all about weight losing.

My friend is pretty fit - she runs shitloads and doesn't believe in diets so I know she will be additionally unimpressed as well because she won't have considered losing any weight anyway!

Aibu to think these comments are rude and unneeded? That people are tucking too obsessed with weight and others waistlines? I know my friend will be passed off, I know if I got those I would be too and more bloody paranoid! Anyone else see this or hear it from people?

I would read that as the people want to diet/get fit to look good at the wedding. It would never occur to me that they were talking about the bride.

Maybe you're reading too much into it.

I'm not suggesting its an unfounded school of thought at all, Vermillion, just the opposite. It's depressing that so many women - and, notably, not the men they are marrying, who will be equally on public display and being photographed at their wedding - whatever their BMI, feel their bodies aren't good enough for their weddings as they are, that the first assumptions from other women are that engagement = time to diet, and that the wedding industry profits from internalised misogyny expressed as judgementalism about women's bodies from other women.

I remember shopping for a wedding dress for a friend of mine, a tiny, fragile creature with an underweight BMI, whose constitution was permanently weakened in her teens by anorexia that saw her repeatedly hospitalised. The woman in the shop we went to still defaulted to the assumption that significantly underweight friend would be trying to lose weight before her wedding - as if that's just what brides to be do.

It's just plain rude, I know it's the norm for people to talk like that about themselves but not about others. They might as just as well say "you're fat".

People will say the same sort of shit face to face, it's not just confined to FB. But sometimes it can be more annoying as the crap comment can be seen in writing. I usually delete what I think is Dumbarsed reply to anything I've written as a status so it can't continue to piss me off.

Hope your friend and her fiance have a fab day x

Got this when I bought my wedding dress (and I don't think I'll ever be that slim again). Really p**ed me off. However I have quite a few friends who did lose weight / tone-up / drink loads to improve appearance of skin etc... before their weddings (and then let it all slide again afterwards).

Yanbu.

Rude, unthinking, unfeeling idiots.

I lost weight and went from a 10 to a 6 for a lot of reasons. This is NOT an approach I recommend.

Lot's of replies, oh wow. Just back from work so I thought I'd answer and update. Bear with e this may take long.

Really glad to see I'm not the only one who gets annoyed by this sort of thing, just frustrates me specially when it hijacks happy news making it all about something else.

No one suggested her fiancé did, I was tempted to but when I checked after work I saw that actually he had commented himself. He makes me laugh; he replied not to give my friend ideas, that he knew he needed to lose a bit before the wedding but thanked everyone for the reminder. He said he needed to be able to 'get his twerk on on the dance floor' and my friend was sure to drag him out running now. He's got about 11 likes (so far) and various comments of 'shake it til you make it' and 'wiggle wiggle'.

As I mentioned the comments were definitely aimed at her:

'plenty of time to get in shape, it only took me two months.'

'better not leave it too late hun, I didn't start until a few months before and panicked. Remember the fitting is 6 weeks before!'

'if you want to come with W and me, we do aerobics every tuesday and thursday!'

And several more.

I definitely agree the comments are generic and throw out ones, I just don't see anyone aiming them at her fiancé. I agree with the people saying it's sexist bullshit. The day is really important to them both, but just seems so many shallow comments.

Lol, SurelyTemple, I will remember that one. Poor woman.

In terms of if my friend was bothered, yes she was. I don't think she has to be overweight to be pissed off or bothered by it, the implication is that she is if people think she needs to diet. My friend isn't slim, she's fit. Her shape is very blocky and she's the same size as me, but she has much broader shoulders and bigger breasts (which makes me amazed she can run so much sometime, since I get pain after a mile or so) so sometimes appears wider.

On the other hand she is very into her fitness now because 3 years ago she would yo yo diet and lose/gain a lot of weight (one reason she doesn't believe in diets now). She also suffered from bulimia when younger and concentrating on fitness helped her get past that as well. Since the people on her fb commenting this way don't know her well enough to know that I didn't see a need to mention.

I'm surprised brides pick a dress too small, my bridal shop urged me to go bigger because it's easier to remove fabric then add to it. Maybe if people buy off the peg they use it as an incentive. Not the best idea though if you really aren't committed to it, my friends wedding saw both her bridesmaids (who had had made to measure) struggle into them because they hadn't lost their weight as they insisted.

RiverTam, you hit the nail on the head with 'generic comments'. My friend called me, annoyed, she did find the comments patronising but also they reminded her of worse times. I did tell her that these people wouldn't have had a clue (barring one idiot who should have known better and jumped on the andwagon) because she has so many friends and she agreed which is why she just liked her fiancés comment. She's decided to have a friends cull later though, she forgot that she'd put a few of the commentators on 'unfollow' anyway because of their constant posting about their own weight.

FreakinScaryCaaw Possibly, she is very fit and active. She can climb the wall so bloody quickly it puts us all to shame :) I expect they are more obsessed on weight in general or throwing out platitudes/jumping on bandwagon.

That's very dangerous, assuming that someone will lose weight if they come to your shop. Usually people would say upfront surely if they'd want to. If you offer the idea then even if you're playing on the percents of what most brides do, your suggestion could push someone to do it or make them paranoid. I hope your friend is okay Brassrubbing.

Thank you MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 , I hope they do too :)

I'm glad other people think it's rude, maybe it will mean the thinking will die out one day. I'm sorry to everyone that had comments or was annoyed.

KayHarker1, I hope you are ok.

Lucky for me I wasn't on FB when I got married! Especially as there was NO chance I was going to lose weight prior to my wedding - I had to have panels put in the sides of my dress (that I'd had for some time - previously cancelled wedding but I loved the dress so kept it) because I was pregnant and getting bigger!

Luckily again, I didn't need to have any truck with bridal shops at that point, because any facile comments about "losing weight before your Big Day" might have sent me a little hormonal

Thumbwitch Lol that's the best reason to not diet (aside from not wanting to). Lovely reason to love your dress and the panels :)

Those comments would send me hormonal, the ones on fb were annoying enough, and I don't have that excuse!

How rude!

I bet they wouldn't say it to her face.

Ugh this does my nut in. Someone at work got married and had been watching what she ate before the wedding, and then when she came back from the honeymoon loads of people were all "oh you can give up that diet now, you're married so you can let yourself go". Never mind the fact that she might want to keep healthy... And never mind the fact that it's nobody's business but her own

I have fallen in love with the ladies who run Curvy Couture which was on BBC1 a few weeks ago :)

TheWildRumpyPumpus Some have brass balls and no 'moderate' switch but for the most part I doubt they would.

avocadotoast Lol I got similar after I got married, I had a very bad neck due to an accident and couldn't exercise for months so put on weight and got confided in that now I was married I knew I could let myself go.

Weathergames Off to google that, not heard of. :)