Am I being unfair

[sur123]

If I ask my husband, who I have been with for 17 years, to only play his computer games when I am at work (he does not work) and not when I come home, is this being unreasonable?

Hmm sorry but with all the things he's saying sounds like he could have met someone else? Wait for the 'love you but not in love with you...' Sorry if miles off the mark just reads a bit that way to me

So what does he want to do to change that?

It's all very well moaning about it, but if he sees a problem he can either say ok, well, this is what I don't like and this is what I would like and this is how I think we can achieve this...

Or he can come up with a list of complaints and say yeah but I don't want to do anything that could change it

Nobody is going to come along with a magic wand.

Change doesn't just happen. You have to make changes.

He is either willing to do that or he isn't.

You too.

The two of you need to talk seriously about it.

Well, could he work some hours, so that you don't have to work stupid long hours or have financial worries?

As you know with online gaming you can't just pause the game. The alliances and corps need the input.

Currently sat here listening to one of DH 'meeting'

Um if I had money worries and was working long hours to help then I wouldn't be as enthusiastic in the bedroom department.

How is he helping relive this stress? You still haven't said why he isn't working.

So you work stupid hours and he doesn't work at all?

I take it, if he's playing computer games all day, he does fuck all around the house too?

No wonder you don't feel like being 'adventurous' in the bedroom.

What you have there is a bona fide cocklodger.

Well it depends.

Is he playing them all day too or does he not get a chance because he is busy doing something else?

I don't find adults who play video games weird but I find it strange when it eats in to family time.

He says he is trying to find a job, I do believe he is trying. But it has been rather a few years now, but I do understand its hard at the moment to get a job. He said he is trying to find a job :(

We can't claim benefits as I earn over the threshold. :(

He and I have talked loads and loads over the last 2 weeks, I give him huge credit for that, I do know a lot of men don't talk to their wives about their issues. I appreciate his honesty.

For me, being best friends and having a ton in common felt like a good thing. But I DO understand why he feels neglected and why we are now more distant.

He feels we are dull in the bedroom now. I have no idea how to be better, when I am tired, stressed, money worried, worried about a family member who is seriously ill, and now feel pressure that I am dull.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate his honesty, and many people wouldn't have been.

My idea was also to try to spend time away from our PC's and TV and anything else together. Both of us to make the effort??

How is he trying to find a job if he's on the sofa playing games all day?

Whenever I've been unemployed I've found looking for work is a full time thing. Especially once you start going to interviews, etc.

What you perceive as his 'honesty' is actually him shifting all the blame on to you.

And to give him more credit, he does do all the housework and cooking. Unless I am off work, then I cook... or try to!! I am not a good cook :p

I love him, I don't want this to fail. I am the one that feels like a failure, but when I tell him this, he says I am being dramatic/immature/a martyr. I am trying to be honest with him.

He said I should google how better to please men in the bedroom. He said I was good when he first met me. I said that we are older, I am tired, stressed etc etc. I know that is a lame excuse, and I wish I could make him happier, but hearing that he feels we are dull has put even more pressure on me.

I sound like a right whiner now, but how do you even begin to try to "let yourself go" and be more adventurous, and less of a prude, when you know someone thinks you are dull? I didn't think I was dull. I thought I tried hard considering I am tired/stressed.

I have never used a headache as an excuse, and never said no!! I do initiate it too, but not often enough I know.

Argh... I know so many people who split with husbands because they have nothing in common anymore... we are SO compatible this all feels insane to me :(

Have you explained how you feel?

Are you doing things round the house or is he taking that weight off your shoulders (I know a few women who work full time and still do all the cooking and cleaning)?

How has he proposed ways of sorting things out or has he made that your responsibility?

xpost!

so is his main issue that you're not exciting enough in bed?

is he watching porn all day?

Honestly? He sounds like a massive loser.

Why are you tying yourself in knots trying to hold on to this twat?

All I'm reading is that he keeps saying 'jump' and you keep saying 'how high?'

how do you even begin to try to "let yourself go" and be more adventurous, and less of a prude, when you know someone thinks you are dull?

He's setting you up to fail. You need to ask yourself why.

I have no idea lol, I am at work :p
I doubt it though.

I doubt he would be so honest with me if he was...

:(

Tbh if DH didn't spend time with me, the last thing I would want is sex.

Tbh boring in bed, what is that supposed to mean.

Sex for me is about love and respect for each other.

Arf @ internet forum posters scoffing at game players.

He thinks its dull because he says its always him doing all the work. I never considered it work, I thought we were having fun. I know I am not the adventurous woman I was, but now I feel even more self conscious.

I feel so shit about myself right now I can't even describe it. He also now thinks I don't appreciate him and the work he does around the house, which I felt I did.

I can't seem to say or do anything right, everything I say is misconstrued and the same in reverse. We're not getting anywhere :(

:(

I'm confused at posters thinking adults playing games is weird. Why do you think there are so many 18+ games? Just because you don't like gaming, it doesn't make it weird that other adults do. It's definitely not just for kids anymore

He's being a cruel arsehole.

And I'm afraid to say, I smell OW.

So you work, you pay all the bills, your self esteem is in tatters, you are worrying about the bills and he has the audacity to say he is doing all the work!

I'm sorry if this is blunt, but you are in denial, big time. He isn't looking for a job, he isn't showing any respect towards you, you've got yourself a cocklodger (as much as I hate that phrase).

I really don't think there is an OW.
If there was I doubt he would feel so frustrated and be honest enough to tell me.

:(

Nope, that's not unfair. If he isn't working then he should have enough time whilst you're working to play his games.
Agree with the others, set a night a week for a 'date night'. Talk, go out, do something on that night a week, every week :)

Holy God.What a charmer.How can you keep from ripping his clothes off when you get in from your long day at work while he's been sitting on his arse gaming?Woman.Know your place.

I am also confused as to way adult gaming is considered 'weird'.

OP I think that you need a 'heart to heart' with your DH, we can only speculate but you really need to sit him down and let him know how you feel.