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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have been really creeped out by this man?

62 replies

DecisionsDecisionss · 12/10/2014 18:24

Last week I went on a weekend away in Italy with dd who is 2. We were in a city in a quietish area and a man who looked in his fifties wandered over as I was walking with dd and looking at my map (so I was slightly preoccupied).

He stroked the top of her head and probably did a couple of strokes with a strange look on his face when I pulled dd away and said sternly to him 'no, sorry' so that he would back off. He wandered off and didn't say anything, so I don't know what he was thinking.

I am still alarmed by it, I feel that walking up to a lone mother and her child and stroking the child's head is really wrong, he never said a word or started a conversation with me, his behaviour really awoke the lioness in me! If it had been UK I'd have been absolutely furious, but I know Italians are more tactile in general.

OP posts:

forago · 12/10/2014 23:16

I was bought up in the middle east. We had blond hair (she had white blond hair) and we were constantly the centre of attention when out and about. They used tonoinch out cheeks and pat us in the head and give us little gifts. She used to get annoyed as her cheeks would hurt more at the end of a shopping trip as she was younger and blonder (and cuter)! They all meant it in an entirely innocent, affectionate and harmless way. I have some lovely little brass miniatures from the market that they gave me.

I see why it freaked you out but its entirely culturally normal in many countries.

forago · 12/10/2014 23:17

She being my sister!

Primafacie · 12/10/2014 23:19

Yes, please holiday in the UK in the future. Better for all of us I think.

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 12/10/2014 23:27

OP - yabu. I was surprised we managed to bring our blond haired dd back from Turkey such was the love for her out there - from men and women alike. I did flinch the first time a waiter whisked her up in his arms, cuddled her and danced with her - but soon realised that this is usual behaviour there.

It's a different culture, and lovely too. Other European cultures adore and admire children more than the miserable UK.

pieceofpurplesky · 12/10/2014 23:30

My son has a beautiful shade of reddish gold hair and he gets it touched wherever we go - the Italians are especially tactile

Costacoffeeplease · 12/10/2014 23:34

Agreed, stay in the UK, where all is pleasant and light

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 12/10/2014 23:45

I really hope this didn't spoil your weekend away, OP.

I'm just comparing this thread to the recent "man approached my loe 11yr old dd for directions on a deserted street" thread - where I was vehemently on the "no he shouldn't have done that" side.

But in this case, your dd was safely with you, and as I said above, it is culturally very different.

GatoradeMeBitch · 13/10/2014 00:36

Always trust your gut reaction. If you thought it was inappropriate it was inappropriate. None of us are in a position to judge because we weren't there.

And 'cultural differences' are not an excuse. I've been to Italy. The fact that some Italian men feel entitled to grab women's backsides for example, is not acceptable,. I don't give a shit if it's their 'culture' to be creepy.

VenusRising · 13/10/2014 01:06

How is your dd with it all?

Hope you didn't put her off strangers being nice and friendly.
Some cultures are a lot more tactile and child focused and friendly.

(Gatorade, you are correct about grown women in Italy being groped by Italian men on busses and trains etc, it's very rare to have children groped - children are 'innocents' in Italian culture)

If you feel like you're stressed out and suspicious of everyone Forn whilst reading maps on the street and looking after your dd, OP, it might help to download maps to your phone and have directions already figured out, that way you can enjoy yourself, and have a holiday.

My dd is unusual looking and we are constantly being approached by strangers who want to compliment her, even in the UK. I don't think they can all be peados, waiting to snatch her away.

Some people just love children, and want to pat them on the head.

Altinkum · 13/10/2014 04:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MexicanSpringtime · 13/10/2014 05:07

I live in Mexico and my dgd is not blonde, but I could set up a sweet stall with all the lollypops she's been given by complete strangers. People are so sweet here and love children.

springalong · 13/10/2014 09:22

It is part of Italian culture without doubt. It is slightly shocking the 1st time it happens - your child is touched and tickled and you are spoken to in a stream of language that you cannot follow. My DS is also blond and from when he was a baby this became a common occurrence. He is now 9 and he doesn't get touched and tickled but like Mexican I could also set up a sweet shop with the lollies. Now I am precious about that - I have learned to relax, we accept graciously. But DS knows it will be in the bin when we go round the corner!!! Take a chance, go back to Italy!

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