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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how you'd have dealt with this (rude colleague)

82 replies

Poppiesinautumn · 12/10/2014 13:32

This morning I was helping lift an elderly gentleman in hospital and I was chatting a bit as I did so.

Then we went to put the soiled sheets in the laundry.

Colleague turns to me and said in a really exaggerated tone 'Woah. Chill.' I was [ hmm] 'what?' 'Chill. You're babbling. Shush. Just - chill.'

I didn't say a word, just sort of raised my eyebrow.

I wish I'd said don't be so rude or something now - but the moment passed; what would you have said?

OP posts:

Stealthpolarbear · 12/10/2014 15:23

Sounds like she has a superiority complex and isn't afraid to use it

Original poster

Poppiesinautumn · 12/10/2014 16:10

Thanks :) Both hcas.

Im not "will never shut up" chatty but I will talk to people especially when they clearly like it (and many of them do .)

Part lf my job description is to talk to patients and put them at ease!

OP posts:

Downamongtherednecks · 12/10/2014 16:16

Poppies I would like someone like you to care for my loved ones. Ignore the idiotic colleague, she is probably jealous that you have such a nice manner, and an easy relationship with patients. Don't give it another thought, and don't change.

kiritekanawa · 12/10/2014 16:24

Poppies - can you clarify whether you were talking to your colleague as well as talking to the elderly gentleman? After you'd finished dealing with him and on the way to the laundry? or was her remark only about how you were talking to the gentleman?

I'm not trying to criticise you, just to understand what went on here. As someone who recently had a thread on here about being the difficult, cursed (miserably unhappy) colleague whom the chatty people absolutely loathe, I'm interested in how this interaction worked.

I've certainly felt like saying "chill" sometimes but i would absolutely never say it. i just don't start conversations, or get moving to a different bit of the workplace. To some people I work with, this makes me "known to be difficult"/ "a superior bitch"; and to others, this makes me "quiet" or "someone who gets on with work" - however, I don't work in a job where social interaction is actually really part of the job.

kiritekanawa · 12/10/2014 16:24

oh and BTW poppies it sounds like your interaction with the elderly gentleman was lovely

Original poster

Poppiesinautumn · 12/10/2014 18:48

The strange thing is I am quite a quiet person but quiet and silent aren't the same thing at all.

I was talking to the gentleman :)

You do have to speak to them, you can't just yank someone's covers off, strap them into a hoist and then undress them in silence. It doesn't mean I'm yak yak yakking all the time.

But 'good morning mr jones, I'll just roll you to me ... Oops sorry, bit far there! Haha no mr jones I won't tell your wife!"

That's IT.

That's why I'm a bit perturbed that so many think i am the problem!

We even 'tell' deceased patients what we are doing to them. It's a simple matter of respect.

OP posts:

Balaboosta · 12/10/2014 19:52

God sake. Maybe she had a headache or PMT. As a care professional do you not have the emotional equipment to process this one?

FindoGask · 12/10/2014 20:08

"The thing is ladies (well I am assuming you're all ladies! grin) - I have never had one complaint. I'm always spoken of highly and my recent appraisal says 'cheerful, compassionate, reliable and competent.'"

Well, so there you go then. You've got nothing to worry about. Someone was a bit snarky with you - just let it go, maybe?

Original poster

Poppiesinautumn · 12/10/2014 20:11

I could let it go, yes.

I will let it go as obviously the time to say something has passed.

But in future I would like to have a response. It annoyed me. It was rude and unnecessary and I don't like having to be quiet and just take it when someone treats me like that.

Oh and I'm not a professional but thanks.

OP posts:

Idiotdh · 12/10/2014 20:24

I do think you have over reacted and your colleague wasn't rude to you so much as a bit critical and slightly bossy.

There would have been absolutely no reason to say something back to her. However if you were mystified, ask the reason. Still don't get the don't tell the wife comment and since none of us were there we really can't judge. However, I don't think your colleague said anything wrong either. You won't find out what she disapproved of unless you ask her.

CombineBananaFister · 12/10/2014 20:29

It doesn't matter if you were chatting/babbllng (which it doesn't sound like you were unless being friendly is a crime now?) she shouldn't have called you out in front of he patient - massively unprofessional even to someone who may be annoying her.
Plus the patient was clearly enjoying the conversation which is all that matters so tough shit if she is pissed off. I'd say something afterwards about how she shouldn't be doing it in front of patient OR you could be as unprofessional as her and call her a grumpy guts/bear with sore head and joke with patient.

Original poster

Poppiesinautumn · 12/10/2014 20:33

Idiomwe have been through this.

I was not babbling or annoying the patient. You don't have to get the "don't tell the wife" comment, it was a joke. I wasn't asking people to judge whether I was babbling or not as, as people have rightly said, you weren't there. I'm confident I wasn't.

What I'm trying to explain is that it made me feel shit. It made me feel squashed, small and stupid.

I don't like feeling like that and would have liked a comeback. Not a rude one, just one that clearly stated I didn't appreciate the tone or the comment.

MN is usually good for this but unfortunately it's turned into an analysis of my tone, my judgement and character.

OP posts:

TooMuchCantBreath · 12/10/2014 20:41

In the situation you describe I'd probably have gone with something like "ooh, did you get up the wrong side?" Whilst blythly carrying on and ignoring her. Tbh I can be touchy on a morning, I like quiet and no chatter, obviously my job dictates otherwise so I have to get over it but I do understand feeling like someone is being over the top when they're really not - except I'm self aware enough to know it's my problem and keep my catty comments in my head

kiritekanawa · 12/10/2014 20:50

Poppies - I think i was just trying to work out what had happened - other people may have been as well.

Your colleague's remark sounds uncalled-for, based on what you've said. You probably don't want to have a comeback that in turn makes her feel squashed etc - you want an adult-adult reply that will diffuse things, rather than an adult-child putdown (like she delivered to you).

As someone who's been a grumpy arse often enough in my life, what would be effective if I'd been your colleague, would be something like "hang on, I'm not babbling, I'm talking to a patient like a normal person would. Can you explain what's worrying you here?" said gently, with a smile.

She might then come back at you with something ridiculous and grumpy - but then at least you've tried your best to be constructive with her. I have a lunatical boss who, every time I try to diffuse clearly arsey digs, shrieks at me for being defensive and having a bad attitude. I get up her nose by doing the diffusion again the next time . in less silly situations it works well. Good luck putting up with grumpy colleague

Marzipanface · 12/10/2014 20:52

Colleague was being horrible. She has the problem, not you. She was mean and rude. I probably would have been just as shocked as you. Prepare yourself for further mean comments so next time you can pull her up on it. I find asking the person to explain/elaborate usually makes them look like a twat.

HavanaSlife · 12/10/2014 20:52

Nothing wring with what you said, patient was happy and at ease etc

Colleague was bloody rude, chill is she a teen ffs

If she had pmt or a headache she should be professional enough not to take it out on others

HavanaSlife · 12/10/2014 20:54

If it happens again take her to one side and ask what her problem is

Mmmicecream · 12/10/2014 20:56

I just can't think of any set of circumstances where saying "chill .. just chill" and "shush" to a colleague is OK. Pulling colleague aside and having a quiet word about them being too chatty is fine, if it's done in an adult to adult way, but telling another adult to chill and shush is rude as well as language used to dis-empower.

TBH I am surprised anyone thinks that it's OK in a professional context, regardless of possible mitigating circumstances

MrsDeVere · 12/10/2014 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverythingCounts · 12/10/2014 21:13

I would go with being patronising back but in a cheerful tone, so she doesn't get the satisfaction of making you angry. So something like:

'Oh dear, someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning'
'I don't think I'm the one who needs to "chill" '

or how about (with concerned expression)
'Gosh, you look really tired. Are you all right?'

Those all turn attention back to her rather than you having to defend anything you've done, too. Which you don't.

wanttosqueezeyou · 12/10/2014 21:50

I think you were chatting to the patient? Not her?

I think she was rude. Did she say this in front of the patient?

I'd probably try something like "I wasn't speaking to you"
or push her with "I'm not sure what you mean, could you explain?"

If she's hungover or has PMT or any other condition that makes her unable to carry out small talk to put a patient at ease then she has no place 'caring' for people. Perhaps as a last resort you could tell her that.

Like the comment about "someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning" too.

TooMuchCantBreath · 12/10/2014 21:58

Sorry kiri, your response would irrite feck out of me. Id respond far better to a bit of gentle micky taking that would allow me the opportunity to climb down out of my backside and laugh at myself. Obviously if that didn't work then you move on to stage two. I think your response is stage two iyswim.

WhereYaFrom · 12/10/2014 22:00

She sounds a bit grumpy!
I would probably have answered her (whilst still looking at man) with a cheery "oh Don't be silly colleague!, elderly gentleman and I are having a chat aren't we?"

DizzyKipper · 12/10/2014 22:03

Ultimately I think the most important people in situations like these are the patients and your priority should be maintaining their ease. If you do want to think of a retort for if and when this happens again I would try to keep it jovial (even if you're actually seething inside). That's if the exchange takes place in front of the patients that is, if not feel free to politely but assertively tell your colleague how unappreciated such a comment is. As to what you can say, sorry I'm not really quick with come backs. I guess I might feign mock indignation or something, chuckle and say something like "you think THAT'S babbling, you don't want to see me babble" and then maybe tell a humorous anecdote babbling related - the aim being to keep it light hearted and fun for the patient, rising above the bitchiness from the colleague (including any further remarks they may make), and then addressing the situation when you can be alone with him/her. Personally I wouldn't make any comments that are ultimately a slight on the colleague, however cheerfully you can deliver them - the patient will prob pick up on there being an issue between you and it isn't fair on them.

strawberryangel · 12/10/2014 22:15

Only on MN could what you said be considered unprofessional!

Sounds like your colleague's a dick, OP. I liked everythingcounts response.

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