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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that someone told my 6 year old that the tooth fairy is not real?

48 replies

Notnastypasty · 11/10/2014 23:05

One of the mums that I'm friends with at the school was picking up her dd last week and said 'another tooth out for my dd, more money for me to spend'. I motioned to her that her dd (6) could hear her and she shrugged her shoulders and said 'ah she knows its me that does it'. Each to their own, no problem. But today my dd says that this child has been telling all the children in the class that there is no tooth fairy. I found out about Father Christmas aged 5 and was hoping I could string it out for a few more years with my children especially as dd hadn't even lost a tooth yet!!

As we're friends and she told me that she'd given her child the truth I sent her a text that said 'I'll see you tomorrow at blah blah, btw if you tell dd about Santa etc, perhaps you could ask her to keep it a secret as some kids don't know! Hope you don't mind me saying xx'

She's taken massive offence at this and I'm wondering if I shouldn't have said anything?! But I honestly wouldn't have minded someone saying similar to me. Or am I being outspoken?!

OP posts:

mausmaus · 11/10/2014 23:07

yabu
the tooth fairy does not exist but it's a nice ritual.
dc still insists on it even though they were clever enough to work out who left the shiny coin...

SavoyCabbage · 11/10/2014 23:09

It's all very difficult as some people think it's all a load of rubbish and a bit unnecessary and others think it's wrong to lie.

I've told mine that different people believe in different things.

DoJo · 11/10/2014 23:11

I wouldn't have taken offence if someone had said it to me, but I would probably be a bit if someone I knew genuinely thought that I was the only person who was likely to bust the father Christmas/tooth fairy myth. Kids aren't stupid - they can work things like this out for themselves, which is presumably what her child did, so maybe she's more offended that you think she has specifically told her daughter about the tooth fairy (and implying that she would do the same with FC) as opposed to the daughter working it out and the mother agreeing with her.
If your daughter had worked out the unlikelihood of the existence of the tooth fairy, would you have insisted that she didn't share the knowledge with anyone?

LadyLuck10 · 11/10/2014 23:13

Yabvu, at 6 years they would find out anyway. Also the other mother can tell her dd whatever she wants and you simply cannot ask her to tell her dd what to say to other children. I would never ask another mum to do that.

LemonadeRayGun · 11/10/2014 23:15

Other kids have told mine that FC and tooth fairy doesn't exist. I told them that not everyone believes in magic, but let's still put our teeth under the pillow / stockings out for FC and see what happens...

hoobypickypicky · 11/10/2014 23:15

YABU to be annoyed insofar as you're wasting energy on being so. You can't censor adults and you've no chance in the world of stopping most 6 year olds from old passing on new-found information even if you try! The fact is that there is no tooth fairy. Kids will say it how it is.

I think I'd be a bit hacked at being asked to tell my child to keep a fact a secret just because your child believes something which isn't true. We spend much of our time telling our DC not to tell lies so it seems a bit contradictory to change that to suit someone else's parenting style. I wouldn't go so far as to be massively offended though!

You weren't being outspoken. You asked (nicely) if another parent could alter their parenting style. She clearly doesn't want to. Neither of you are in the wrong for that.

Original poster

Notnastypasty · 11/10/2014 23:21

Thanks for your opinions. Looking at it like that it does seem churlish of me I admit. And if I'm honest if it was any other child/parent I would have passed it off as one of those things. But she has form for being a shit stirrer and telling her child really inappropriate things. So maybe her being a twat is clouding my judgement of the actual issue!

OP posts:

Sn00p4d · 11/10/2014 23:28

Fwiw op I totally agree with you.
Kids grow up fast enough I don't think yabu to try to preserve a bit of magic. I find it really quite sad that people are so keen to tell children it's all made up but that's their choice with their own children, no need to waste it for everyone else.x

Username12345 · 11/10/2014 23:40

YABVU to expect other people to collude in your fabrications.

ILovePud · 11/10/2014 23:44

I think YABU, if your friend had said this in earshot of your DD then I think that would be a bit off but I don't think you should be trying to control what she tells her DD or to get her DD to keep the secret. Mind you I do tell my DC to keep the secret that God's not real from the other children at school. (want to put a wink in here but my bracket key has broken)

icanhaveadarksideifyouwantmeto · 11/10/2014 23:46

my dd was given book at school that said there was no tooth fairy.

I went bonkers and complained to the school.

they made me feel foolish and said... but it isnt real...why would you lie to your dd?

fucked me right off.

now she is ten, no longer believes in FC so when she lost a tooth last week i said... arent you a bit old for the TF? she said no.

I said ... well get a pound out of my purse then!

tara49 · 11/10/2014 23:48

My son is 7 and rushed two nights ago to put his tooth under the pillow for the fairy - i'm quite sure he knows full well it's me but he likes the fun of the ritual and so we continue. I agree though - my youngest is 5 and goes to school with mainly muslims and they have already told him that there's not a santa - I told him it's because they don't have Christmas so santa doesn't come to them but I know that this will be the last year which is, I think, very sad at 5! Waiting for a place in church school so we can continue the lie! lol

Trills · 11/10/2014 23:50

Can you remind me at what age children start to lose their teeth?

Do they lose teeth much earlier than I think?

Or do children "believe" in things like Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy much later than I remember?

SarniaCherie · 12/10/2014 00:06

Around 5 or 6, some earlier. DS lost his first in Reception year. He is now in Year 2 and his first big front tooth has started to wobble.
He and his best friend were telling me this week that there was no tooth fairy and that the mums and dads leave the money. I asked them to explain why we would want to pay money for old teeth and what would we do with them. Said it was fine if they didn't believe, it was up to them but the fairy only leaves money for believers. .
They couldn't think of an answer to that one. I just remember my older sibling telling me it was all made up and I don't want DS to spoil it for DD when it's her turn. I think if DS does cotton onto Santa this year he will probably keep quiet in the hope he'll get more presents

sykadelic · 12/10/2014 00:45

icanhaveadarksideifyouwantmeto "they made me feel foolish and said... but it isnt real...why would you lie to your dd?"

Oh. My. God. What did you say? I'm afraid I wouldn't have been very polite :S

OP I don't think you WBU at all because she and her child have form. That said, she obviously doesn't give a toss and it could come from any other kid as well so I'd go with what someone else said above "People believe in different things, if you don't want to believe that's fine, if you do, that's fine too"... that's the route we're planning to take with religion.

I can't say I remember when I found out the tooth fairy wasn't real. Santa I found out because we snooped for presents and they were already wrapped with tags from Santa. I remember being the little kid that told another kid Santa wasn't real and the mum FLIPPED OUT at me, yelled and screamed. Of course I didn't realise at the time I should keep it a secret (I was young).

I'm not sure I felt "the magic" but I'd have to ask my parents to know for sure. I love Christmas. The general feeling of it, not specifically Santa. I'll probably do the Santa thing just because Santa is awesome :D

icanhaveadarksideifyouwantmeto · 12/10/2014 00:57

well there wasnt much to say was there? she was right. I WAS lying to my dd!

I got my own back though... the next book she brought home was a talking elephant book....

EVERYone knows elephants cant talk/ everyone knows the tooth fairy is real

Momagain1 · 12/10/2014 01:09

As each of us figured it out, my mom managed to convince us that now we were in on it, with the grown ups, and had to kerp children who believed from finding out before they were ready. We took the responsibility Very Seriously.

I tried that with my oldest, she went on to tell her whole class the next day.

nocoolnamesleft · 12/10/2014 08:43

But Santa is real. How else would NASA track him??!!?

Eva50 · 12/10/2014 09:03

Ds3 is 8 and still believes in the tooth fairy and Santa. I know that he is going to find out very soon but hope we will get one more Christmas out of it. His friend found out last Christmas just before I took the two of them for "dinner with Santa" at Dobbies but he was great (his Mum warned him) and didn't say a thing. I think you would have been better to have said something to the other mother in person rather than a txt but I understand your sentiments completely.

Wisheswerehorses · 12/10/2014 09:06

Tell your child(ren) that for something to exist for them they have to believe in it? So,the tooth fairy comes to those that believe in her etc like Terry Pratchett' s Hogfather.

Snapespotions · 12/10/2014 09:21

Look, OP, by the age of 6ish, it's extremely likely that some of the kids will have worked things out for themselves, even if their parents have tried to keep the pretence going for as long as they can. It is impossible to stop them talking to other children about this, frustrating though that might be, because most children love sharing secrets.

My own dd was a relatively early non-believer, despite my best efforts to make her believe. She simply didn't feel that it all added up. We had a long talk about the importance of keeping the magic alive for other children who did still believe, and as far as I know, she has always kept her knowledge to herself. However, a couple of other kids in her class did go round telling everyone the truth. And at the end of the day, it is the truth, so it's difficult to argue that they are wrong for not perpetuating the lie.

It's sad for us as parents when these fantasies come to an end, as we all enjoy re-living the magic through our children, but there are many other ways of making things special for them, even when they are non-believers. I don't think you can do much to stop kids talking about this stuff, so better focus on how you're going to respond when it happens.

Rainbunny · 13/10/2014 18:36

OP - I feel for you. I think that brief time in childhood when magic like FC and the TF exist is going away earlier and earlier. My extended in-laws are very religious and they don't allow their children to believe in Father Christmas at all. It made me a little sad when my 4 year old relative told me that there's no such thing as FC. I want my future children to have that fleeting bit of magic as children, sadly I fully expect my in-laws will spoil this for them.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 13/10/2014 18:50

All this "by 6 some kids have worked it out" is not only sad but I suspect bullshit! 6 is SO small...they're totally gullible...UNLESS someone ruins the magic for them.

TrendStopper · 13/10/2014 18:59

My 10 yr old still believes in the tooth fairy & father christmas as do many of her friends. She has hinted a few times that she may have doubts but I have just told her that some people believe and others don't. I want to keep the magic for as long as possible.

BrieAndChilli · 13/10/2014 19:09

Ds1 is nearly 8, very bookish and constantly looking things up so although he hasn't mentioned it I wouldn't be surprised if he's googled Santa and tooth fairy. I did tell him last year to stop telling dd that fairies weren't real and let her believe do he may be taking that advice.

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