To think there is a MORAL OBLIGATION to share recipes if asked?

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Look, it's just a pickle recipe. Your daughter gave me a jar, it tasted delicious and I asked for the recipe when I'd finished the jar because we'd all fought over the last spoonful.

You live 200 miles away and you have refused to give out the recipe.

It's an outrage.

I'm with Kerala too: I aways share recipes when asked. Even my DM's Yorkshire pud recipe (from Sussex...)

How does it hurt me of someone makes something just the way I make it because they like it? It doesn't - in fact, I'm flattered. Nice food makes the world a nicer place. Share the happiness. It's really not hard.

OP, YANBU at all.

YANBU
Was she polite about it?

I like to share recipes, I'm proud of myself when I create something nice and want others to enjoy it.

If she was polite and gave a reason like 'My late Great-Aunt made me promise not to share' , that's preferable to 'No , bog off'. .

It may be that she created it by chucking bits and bats in and doesn't have a recipe to give, or she bought it from netto 10 years ago and chucked it into a fancy jar for you .

It's hilarious though - love the "you will have to prise my chicken and spinach lasagne recipe out of my cold dead hands" attitude. I would be fascinated to meet someone like this!

Oh dear, so early for a sense of humour failure... and I added a smiley to show I wasn't being serious!

What are the ingredients you can identify in the pickle Add?

No you meant that no mama you are just embarrassed as you should be ha ha

No I wouldn't say there is any obligation.
You are however, within you rights to remember the refusal next time they want something off you.

No sweety, you see you don't know me as well as you think.

I have posted here about the cookery clubs I run with the local food bank and the cakes and muffins I have shared at work, little recipe cards available if you want them. I might have mentioned the recipe blog I have had for a few years - though maybe not as I do try to keep my nom de wotsits separate in case someone recognises me.

I was joking... found the idea of a 'secret' recipe silly.

The recipes has aubergines and turmeric and that's about as much as I can be sure of. Maybe mustard seeds? Not certain. I've just had a look at the 'no sharing' that BigFoot posted(what is it with paranoia and brinjal?!) but posters are saying the recipe is oily and this one is quite dry. Definitely drier and less sticky than the Pataks one.

I think it's Hyacinth behaviour. And morally wrong. Society only progresses on information sharing. It's just ethical to pass it on. What if the person who discovered that olives left in brine turned yummy had been a selfish hostess. Disaster for humanity. Think on that, recipe meanies.

A friend of mind refused a recipe recently on the basis that it was her mother's and she'd be terribly upset if she shared it. Her mother lives many miles away and I'm unlikely to ever meet her so quite frankly she'd never know. I wasn't bothered about the recipe particularly but I felt like I'd been rude to ask for it. I'm not easily embarrassed but I did feel uncomfortable sitting in her kitchen effectively being told I wasn't good enough for her recipe.

People make a living publishing cookbooks, trying to get shows. Fascinating there is a parallel universe of people who guard their food secrets with the willpower of a WWII coding expert.

But if those people have all their recipes away free, their cook books wouldn't sell, would they?

I don't know you at all sweety obviously so can only go by what you post. You are now back-pedalling so fast you are in danger of falling off your bike.

Great topic though op!

The joys of Mumsnet and the assumptions made.

Is your friend Indian, OP? I ask because I've twice had Indian friends who made delicious Indian vegetarian dishes, and when I've asked for the recipe, it's been a case of them a) not remembering the English name of the relevant spice and/or b) not knowing the exact quantities. You know: "I put a bit of this spice in, and then some of that spice, and then there's a little bit of this other spice." Incredibly frustrating, but I think in both cases they learnt from their mothers and the recipe didn't get written down.

YANBU, a friend (part of a small group of friends) made us a really lovely, not spicy Thai green curry one time. I am very sensitive to spice and never make curry but know my DH would love it at home sometime. So I asked her which recipe she used (eying up her bookcase with several celebrity chefs) but no, she proclaimed, she didn't use a recipe! Just chucked a few different ingredients together. How clever, it must have been her exotic. brummie family connections... She always said she would give me the recipe but never did despite reminders. I should have rooted through the bin when I had the chance! Anyway, I already thought she was a bit of a twat and my opinion was not changed that day.

Nomama your post definitely did not read that you found recipe secrecy silly. That's quite a leap to expect people to make with a and no irony

I can see that, truffle. Looking back I didn't make it obvious enough, maybe because elsewhere I am quite a prolific sharer and I forgot where I was posting.

But why anyone should be so sure they know how I feel more than I do, even after I have responded is beyond me. But it is really easy to do that on a forum, so I won't take the 'backpedalling' stuff seriously.

I couldn't possibly it was given to me in secret by an old Indian holy man no wait it's I heart curry by anjam anand x

This reminds me of a story my mum told me.

My grandmother was friends with a woman called Mary, they were friends for 40+ years and really close. Mary had a few family recipes for the most amazing jams, pickles and chuckneys, apparently they were so lovely people would look forward to birthdays and Christmas just to receive a jar of something as a gift.
Supposedly they family had been well known for them for generations.
My GP particularly loved her strawberry jam, and had asked her friend for the recipe many times over the years but had always been told it was a family secret.

My mum grew up with Mary's DD and they have been friends their whole lives.
When Mary passed away she gave her DD, Sue, her families secret preserve recipes and made her swear never to share them with anyone outside of the family.

My GM was really sad when Mary died. Sue, being the lovely woman that she is, came to my GM and said as she considered her family she wanted to share the 'secret family recipes' with her.

It turned out for several generations the family had been buying jams, pickles and chuckneys emptying the jars into a pan, adding a few spices and a bit of sugar bringing it to the boil and then putting it into new jars with their own labels.

My mum and Sue are still friends and still joke about Mary's preserves.

Because of this whenever anyone says that it is a family secret recipe I always assume that it is shop bought and passed off as homemade.

kerala

I love it when people ask for my recipes - it's such a compliment, and I love giving them out and I love visiting them and tasting what they've done with it. But then I don't make a living from my food and don't create my own recipes, so I'm really just passing on information…

The only person who has ever refused to give me a recipe is MIL with regard to her "special mince pies" (!) - DH used to say she made the best mince pies in the world. So what, mine are different to hers, and not quite as "special", but then I don't use homemade mincemeat and she does. The recipe came from a book - she left it lying around once when I was there. It just a rich short crust pastry (with egg and icing sugar) that I've never bothered making since I found it and do you know why? Her meanness over the recipe rather put me off even trying to do anything similar. Our mince pies are completely different animals and a bit like comparing apples and pears (both fruit, but different). And everyone loves mine too.

I tried and tried with my mum's bubble and squeak. I couldn't do it. It died with her.