WIBU to send a note to this mum via the teacher?

[MildDrPepperAddiction]

DS is lego mad and loves to carry his minifigures about with him. He knows I don't allow him to take lego out of the house as he has a tendency to lose it.

Anyway, a few days ago he took two figures to school and gave them to another boy. They came from an expensive set and would be very dear to replace. From what I can gather, another boy asked him for them and DS gave them to him. At almost 5 he doesn't fully understand that when he lends something he may not get it back. He asked this boy for them back for the last two days and this boy says he doesn't know where they are.

WIBU to write a note to his mum asking her if she has seen them and could they be returned (assuming she knows where they are). I appreciate lego may not seem like much, but it's flipping expensive!

They could well be in school. Ask the teacher. I am a Midday and I find all kinds of stuff on the playground and leave it at the office. But I think it's a little unfair to ask the other mum. I would definitely speak to class teacher first. And if they are lost, well its a lesson learnt imo.

Should be fine, i'd think. I've lost count of the booty (including cold, hard cash) that we've forced our DCs to return upon being told of it either by them or the parents of the 'donors', and vice versa. Kids love a 'trade'.

I'd suggest you discuss it with the teacher first, not just ask her to pass on a note.

With my son, that would have been code for "I took them to school and lost them" - no other child involved.

I don't think its fair to ask the parent and would check with teacher, otherwise a lesson learned, you'll need to check him every morning, my ds were the same.

It can be a nightmare when they start taking stuff into school - I'd check with the teacher first incase he's telling a little pork pie. In reception my dd came home with a bronze sports medal a little friend gave to her, I gave it back to her friend's mother the following morning before school, she'd no idea it had left the house and it had actually belonged to her grandfather!

So you told him not to take them and he took them anyway?

I'd leave it up to him to get them back or learn from the experience.

I always told my DC that there was a very good chance that anything they took to school would be lost/broken/stolen and that they should only take anything they were prepared to lose. Which was a lesson I learned after taking something precious to school when my mum said no.

I don't think it's fair to ask the teacher to become involved in the retrieval of something that shouldn't have been in school in the first place.

Could I ask why its unfair to ask the other parent? I will speak to the teacher first though.

DS has once or twice brought something home he was 'given' and I have always returned it.

Why involve a teacher? Why cant you ask the mum direct?

Surely its a basic and straightforward chat?

"Hiya i'm X's Mum, i am under the impression the kids have been playing and maybe trading toys and Y may have some of X's lego, could you have a look when you get chance and let me know?"

I would be annoyed if a teacher had to approach me over something so small tbh.

Totally agree with PJ...let him learn from the experience and he'll never take special toys to school again! It's not fair to the teacher or other parent to have to look for them.

Why involve the teacher?

I think its unfair because its the sort of situation you might not ever get to the bottom of. Kids forget and get things wrong. You could ask Mum, but it could come across as accusing her child of taking them iyswim. It depends on how you handle it.

But, do check if they are at school. If they were lost at lunchtime they could well be in lost property.

It's a harsh lesson for him but perhaps now he will understand why he is not allowed to take these things to school.

It is VERY unlikely the other mother will be able to help you out. I certainly couldn't pick through the mountain of tat my kids have got to find two tiny bits of plastic.

I don't know the mum or even if he travels on the school bus, with a minder etc. I thought it would be easier to send a short, friendly note to see if she had come across it and would she mind sending it in with her DS.

I'm not asking the teacher to become involved, just to stick it in his book bag.

Clearly I'm totally unreasonable (well, I did ask ).

Btw, I'm not accusing the other boy of stealing and have had stern words with my DS about taking things to school etc.

I don't see any harm in asking the mother, but it's really hard to get the tone right in a note and she might feel you think her son was a tea leaf or something.

I would have a quick word with the teacher and see if they are in school and take it from there.

I would imagine he's learned or is learning that lesson now, any time DS takes anything out anywhere it goes missing.

I don't think it's the Teachers job to liaise for you. Speak to the Mum directly and ask if she's seen them.

Speak to the teacher first, check they aren't in school first. She may even send out a note to all parents saying about the missing items.

I would ask the teacher how to approach it but personally can't see the harm in asking the other mum so long as its nicely done. School may have a policy about taking toys into school though and swapping stuff. Teacher may have a chat with the class.

M's teacher did this when skylanders were popular. Kids thought lending them was fine but parents were having a fit! I think it was raised in assembly too that they mustn't swap toys or give them away. They may have banned skylanders, in the end but the talk worked for M as a year 1! Toys are generally allowed so long as they fit in a pocket.

I think you need to leave it for several reasons:

• He will learn nothing of you do all the work to get them back.

• He "deserves" to lose them if he disobeyed you about taking them in the first place. A perfect punishment fits the crime.

• It will be very hard for you to send a note that comes across as anything other than an accusation of theft to the other mother.

• You will sound mad if you treat a couple of lego mini-figures as "flipping expensive". I get what you're saying about them being part of a set but to the boys at the time and the other parent they're a couple a figures at £2 (?) each. Which doesn't make them nothing but doesn't make them something to have a big fuss over either.

-However minimal the involvement you ask for from the teacher, asking will make you "that" parent.

• Lastly, why does it matter to you? Your son chose to take them to school and lost them. Presumably you're not going to replace them, so it hasn't cost you anything, he's just a couple of toys down.

Needyou, as I said above I'm not expecting the teacher to mediate. To me it seemed more straightforward to contact the mum rather then run to the teacher saying 'y has my DS's lego where is his mum?' If we had contact lists if just phone her, but we don't.

I agree its a lesson for him but I'm sure you understand, lego is expensive and if we could get it back it would be preferable.

Would it 'out' you too much if you said which figures they are? I might have them, or if not someone else might.

Thanks Silver. I won't say what they are. No doubt I'll be damaging my DS for ever by replacing and not letting him learn!

Lol, fair enough, tho PM me if you like. I remember going through all this with Harry Potter cards when my DS was around the same age!

There would be absolutely no problem asking the teacher at our schoo or a ta. They are very likely to know more than the other mum. Hope you find them op.