AIBU to be deeply disappointed in my nephew and to want to do say something to him

[WicketWoo]

FB related I'm afraid.

My DN "liked" and therefore shared a deeply offensive BNP post on FB. I immediately defriended him, this ensuring the offended post was removed from my FB.

Problem is i am still really cross about it and really want to say something to make him appreciate just how offensive his post was to me and lots of my friends. Any ideas as to how I get the message over to him?

I have always got on really well with him and I am really disappointed with him and just want him to appreciate the harm that this sort of casual racism has.

YANBU wicket

I have stopped having contact with some people for the same reasons (bigoted, racist opinions) which I just can't abide, and it is disappointing when you expect better of someone. I don't agree with ignoring these types of post, and either challenge or just delete the person. It isn't harmless, it is the creeping up of hatred towards other human beings.

Definitions of 'racist' vary from person to person, I'm thinking of Gordon Brown and the 'bigoted' woman incident. Even if your DN has some racist views he may not be a wholly unredeemable person. My granddad, who I love dearly and is largely a very kind and reasonable person, does say some very ignorant things about other cultures and immigration. I think it would be an overreaction to cut DN out of your life on the basis of this incident and will likely cause you and your family a lot of heart ache. Racism doesn't develop in a vacuum I'd suggest maintaining your relationship with him and trying to challenge those views, he's still young and impressionable and it seems such a shame to write him off. If you were from a Muslim family and your DN appeared to be becoming radicalised and was expressing racist views would you cut him off or would you reach out to him and try and change his mind?

Wicket you still haven't said what it was specifically about. But if it was simply anti-mosques / anti-burkas you should be aware that this is not a racist opinion as Islam, of course, is not a race but a religious ideology. You may not agree with the view but that does not make it racist.

Thank you all for the additional posts.

He has a confused view of it all to be honest. He says he agrees with a lot of what the BNP say and that they shouldn't be allowed mosques/burkas/into the country but then he says that he has Muslim friends and live and let live provided there is respect. So I do think there is hope but he perhaps needs to see that not allowing peaceful people to practice their religion is unacceptable.

He seems very tainted by media reporting if I'm honest. His views seem to be very non-broadsheet newspaper. So I will keep talking to him and trying to make him be more accepting. Given time, who knows.

Good on you Wicket, the BNP are quite sophisticated in the way they stir things up and latch onto local issues, I think the way to challenge some of these messages isn't by 'monstering' the BNP or hysterically labelling concerns about immigration or aspects of religious expression as 'racist', btw I'm not suggesting you've done this at all, but by calm reasoned counterarguments.

I think you should talk to him before making a knee jerk reaction.

At the moment there are a hell of a lot of posts flying round facebook which come from the BNP or Britain first which don't appear at first glance to be anything unpleasant. A very dear friend of mine who I know for certain is not racist (partly because she has mixed race children and a black partner) shared a Britain First post on Friday. All it said was 'Like and share if you remember the £1 note'. An awful lot of people wouldn't have seen the blurb underneath which said it was from Britain First, if they had seen it I'm not sure many people would have known who Britain First were.

Sorry, just saw the update.

I think it depends on your relationship with him.
If you know him reasonably well, I would discuss the matter with him. Asking why he 'liked' the page is probably a good start. Explaining what they stand for, could come next. Approaching it like this is probably better than going in critically. Usually best to ask someone what their thought process is, leads to more constructive conversation and outcomes.
Best to engage with him before de friending. He won't know why you have done it otherwise. Just de friending is like the situation we have all found ourselves in.....cut out from a friendship, for something we have done to upset someone, but never knowing what is was. It is really unfair.

If after discussion, he still supports the BNP, you can tell him you don't like it and will be de friending, as you do t want to look at that stuff. I wouldn't be saying I didn't want contact in RL though. And I would make it clear that although I disagreed with his political views, I still valued him as a relation.

YANBU. I still see racist family members from time to time. (If we happen to be at the same gathering). I call them out every time. Same with sexism and homophobia.

I had to get rid of somone on face book who was posting this shit constaly her response to

Confront me on Facebook about how I could do this to her ffs

She feels that although I am black I am her words "not like the others"
And when she post she means the other blacks not me

Well arnt I fucking Lucky

poster ILovePud I think it depends I am part of. A mixed marriage and I ca tell you any bigots she sort shrift I won't have any one. Making my lovey mixed children believing they should not exist or are not bristish

When I had a position to fill in my team, facebook was often a deciding factor. I would never choose to interview someone who displays hate messages on their feed.

That's sad :( There are members op DH's family who whilst not really that racist are a bit unknowingly racist and it bothers us. But it just means that we spend a lot less time with them than we spend with people who we have more in common with. This bothers them but it's just that we don't get on with them as much.

Oh hell no fishwife "The others" like your mum and dad, your nan?

dany there is no such thing as "not that racist, just a bit unknowingly"

Racist

Have we got a yawn smiley?!!

There's a difference between the Facebook'friends' who are people you were at school with but haven't seen since/ex work colleagues/friends of friends you met a couple of times - all of whom might be racist fuckwits have opinions you don't share, and family members who you disagree with. I've binned a few Facebook acquaintances fairly recently for sharing Britian First shit after having it pointed out to them that Britian First are a front for the BNP.
I also have racist family members. The family members tend to be of the ignorant, Daily Mail-reading, 'politically incorrect' type of racist (and quite old) who come out with utterly crass statements in private but are always polite and friendly to everyone they meet. I tend to call them on any really appalling comments but otherwise steer clear of discussing the issue, because they are a) too old to change their minds and b) they are neither violent towards other people nor particularly inclined to vote for racists.
(My mum, a few years ago, despite me having thought that she was just the type of person to fall for the kindly, friendly, helpful face of the BNP standing for local election, actually got all militant about it -'We fought them 60 years ago, they got kicked out of Cable St, not having any of their nonsense round here, thanks'.)