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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you to help me woman up

33 replies

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 10/10/2014 13:22

I've had a rotten few months. My business failed and I'm doing a lousy temp job which I hate.

Today, I get the good news that I've been offered an amazing permanent job which is the kind of thing I've always wanted.

Do I leap into the air and start singing with joy? No, I have a panic attack.

Panic attack subsides but I am absolutely terrified. I am currently sitting outside the office on my lunchbreak shaking. I actually cried before. I feel sick.

This is absolutely ludicrous. I want to slap myself around the face. I spent years having CBT and doing self help and everything else, and I made amazing process. I was fine all through the rotten periods. And now this. I mean, what kind of wierdo am I if my anxiety is retriggered by good news?

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 10/10/2014 13:26

your not a werdo, and if we new why panic/anxity attacks oocoured we could cure them.

i would imagin its becasue its new and scary oppertunty, even if that means good things.

i suffer with them so i emphise with you, what works for me is allowing myself to feel the panic, deep breathing and telling myself it will be over soon.

where the new job? sounds exciting,

oh and have some virtual flowers and celebrations [flower]

Spindarella · 10/10/2014 13:28

I wonder if, your body somehow know it can release now - almost like while on a temp contract you simly HAD to keep going but it is some kind of relief outlet that's coming out in the wrong way?

Sorry if that's mumbo jumbo - hopefully someone who knows what they are talking about will be able to help more.

Timeforabiscuit · 10/10/2014 13:30

Yes to letting the panic carry through you until its finished its course - its a perfectly natural reaction to all the stress you've gone through.

Bodies just register excitement, so whether its good or bad can trigger a similar biological response.

A typical one for me is your not dying of a heart attack you've had strong coffee on an empty stomach.

Is there anyone in real life you can talk this through with - a good verbal dumping can do wonders.

Justdoaweeonthefuckingpotty · 10/10/2014 13:31

No, I think it's relief.

Get up, go and get a big sugary drink like a latte with syrup or a big snapple, and a bag of crisps or some chocolate. Go for a walk around and then when you get back to work splash your face with cold water.

It's just relief that it's over.

big hugs.

Justdoaweeonthefuckingpotty · 10/10/2014 13:32

I had CBT after a traumatic birth and cried my eyes out when I got pregnant again and they said I could have a c section x

calculatorsatdawn · 10/10/2014 13:32

Woman up if you will but as a fellow anxiety sufferer and CBTer my advice is to accept it. My anxiety is triggered by the wiredest things (last weekend I had a panic attack at the thought of going on a bouncy castle, before that I moved out of my house for two months because something there triggered it).

Worrying that you shouldn't be worrying is worse than the original worrying.

Repeat after me... I am dancingwithmyself and I am a glorious weirdo. I got a nice shiny new job because I am capable of doing it.

AuditAngel · 10/10/2014 13:33

Congratulations on the new job Flowers

bumpiesonamission · 10/10/2014 13:34

When I have panic attacks, they always happen AFTER the rotten times. A counsellor told me that when you are in the rotten times, your body and mind focusses on staying a float. Then when it's more calm, your emotions need to stabilise and process the rotten times.

It's totally normal bit a massive ball ache.

Well done for getting the job. You will of course be feeling anxious (even if it's subconsciously) about things going sour again. Thanks

Original poster
dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 10/10/2014 13:36

Awww.... thanks lovelies Thanks, you've made this so much better.

Don't want to say what the job is as is quite specific and could easily out me.

I am just letting the panic attack go through me and reminding myself it is just a physical reaction. I'm having it now, because now I can - like the way that often you don't realise how much you need a wee until you open the front door, iyswim.

I am dancingwithmyself and I am a glorious wierdo...

OP posts:
twentyten · 10/10/2014 13:36

Congratulations!! It's fine to feel- just breathe, walk, and repeat the previous posters mantra. You got the job because you are worth it and they want you. Well done.

twentyten · 10/10/2014 13:37

Quick chorus of let it go???

PiperIsOrange · 10/10/2014 13:39

Do you think that getting this new job empathises your failed business and that's why you are having a panic attack.

Original poster
dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 10/10/2014 13:42

I am scared of telling my current boss. And I'm scared of them getting references and deciding they don't want me. Or me starting the job and them thinking "why the hell did we hire her?"

OP posts:
PiperIsOrange · 10/10/2014 13:43

You know these worries are all in your head, they picked you because you are the best for that role.

PiperIsOrange · 10/10/2014 13:43

You know these worries are all in your head, they picked you because you are the best for that role.

Original poster
dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 10/10/2014 13:47

Yes, but I am worried that they were mistaken! Maybe I gave the wrong impression. I'm not good at interviews - this is the first successful one I've had in literally years (temp job I got because someone owed me a favour.) I've done a lot worse in interviews for roles which would be much easier and this one will be a huge challenge - it can't be right.

DH just texted me to remind me that I'm always saying that "imposter syndrome" is a feminist problem because women experience it, or let it get to them, much more than men. That may be true but it feels bloody real now!

OP posts:
Justdoaweeonthefuckingpotty · 10/10/2014 13:53

No one else knows what they are doing either. Apart from like, surgeons and pilots xxx

AGnu · 10/10/2014 13:59

DH gets like this sometimes. He freaked out when he was offered his current job because he was scared he would let them down. Weirdly enough, knowing that his new boss's boss said after the interview "He's good. Get him in." they knew they had competition because DH had also been for another interview & was head-hunted for both positions, hadn't even been looking for a job at the time, didn't help. It just made him even more worried that they thought he was better than he is. Since starting there he's constantly worried about not working fast enough or not knowing enough. The daft thing is, the very people he idolises as "fast" or "seem to know everything" are the same people he mentions make mistakes... can't imagine why! He's been promoted several times & given regular pay rises but still seems to think he's not up to it! Confused

As Piper said, it's all in your head, as it is with DH. They wouldn't have offered you the job if they didn't believe in you. I think you need to trust them to see something in you that you can't right now. It's so easy to be your own worst critic - they obviously don't agree with your analysis of your capabilities!

Give the new job a go - it might just turn out to be the confidence boost you need! Smile

Original poster
dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 10/10/2014 14:05

is that really true justwee? I always think I'm the only one fumbling in the dark, and everyone else knows what their doing with the skill and grace of a prima ballerina!

OP posts:
Original poster
dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 10/10/2014 14:13

Thank you AGnu - that's exactly what made it so bad! I get this call with all this gushing stuff and it makes me feel worse. If they'd said - "hmm we weren't convinced, but hey we need a pair of hands, you aren't totally insane and we can always just see how probation goes" then I don't think I'd be half as overwhelmed!

OP posts:
twentyten · 10/10/2014 15:18

I know many people who feel they are waiting to be found out. Oxbridge graduates, managing directors, chief executives amongst them.
Make a list of what you have achieved. They chose you. You can do this.. Feel the fear and do it anyway...... One of the people I most admired on my early career for his confidence and calm confided it was all an act and he was like a swan apparently gliding effortlessly but. Underneath paddling like&£&)&£.

frankie001 · 10/10/2014 15:22

Congratulations! Good news can definitely be a trigger. I have odd and anxiety, a year ago I was living in a crummy bedsit surrounded by mice. Just had a flat inspection of my new place and to discuss if I was to stay for another year, cur huge anxiety issues of 'I can't afford it here' to 'the landlord will chuck me oht ' to 'what if I fail the inspection?'. Think the worry of going backwards or not moving on can do it to you.

You can do it, well done

GarlicOctopus · 10/10/2014 15:33

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Flowers Flowers Wine Flowers Flowers Whee-heeee!!! And you're off :D

un-anxious people might not get this, but one of the most comforting lessons I've learned is "Good enough IS good enough." It is. You are. No need to be the best in the world (that's for others to judge, in any case.) All you need is to be who you are, because you're enough.

One of the most impressive, glittery, gorgeous, adorable, high-achieving women I've ever known told me "We muddle through, Garlic, that's what it's about."

Your DH sounds very cool :)

GarlicOctopus · 10/10/2014 15:36

aaaand ... If not you, who? If not now, when?

:)

Might as well be you, now.

Justdoaweeonthefuckingpotty · 10/10/2014 15:39

I think almost everyone thinks like that it's just people are better at hiding it.

I read people's cvs sometimes in my job for junior roles and they look better than mine and then I look again and it's just clever marketing.

also, I would say that everyone I know would describe me as outgoing and confident and I would agree but I still don't like going somewhere where I don't know anyone, know what I mean? Even if you do know what you are going you still question yourself.

How are you feeling now?