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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DS off school today?

41 replies

Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 08:16

I feel like a fraud because really, he seems fine, is happy watching the Tv and shouting and jumping about.

But

On Tuesday he was very overly hyper at school, a sign of him being very stressed, and when I was driving him home he had a seizure, slumped forwards and stopped breathing.

The doctors looked him over and he seemed fine but a bit disorientated and warm, so they prescribed anti biotics just in case (if he gets a bad infection and fever he has seizure after seizure and ends up in hospital so he is one of the very rare cases where they will prescribe anti biotics more freely)

He seemed fine when I got him home and I asked school if I could bring him in an hour later Wednesday just to keep an eye on him so I could keep him off if necessary, he was fine, went back in.

On Thursday school rang me at lunch and told me that DSs ear was bright red and he was touching it a lot and going pale, so I picked him up. It was only the outer ear which was red, so I rang the doctor who said it sounded very strange but doubled the anti biotic dose for him.

So all yesterday he was fine, he slept fine, today he seems fine, but I'm keeping him off.

I actually think that it's the stress of the school making him ill. It's a new school for him and supposedly a more 'specialised' special school than his last one. But has so far been shit Sad

So I thought since he'd been a bit off all week, a day off with cuddles and fun just do before a full weekend might make him a bit better?

But the teacher in me is telling me I'm being naughty and if he isn't contagious he should be in school. Blush

OP posts:
ItsFunnierInEnochian · 10/10/2014 08:19

I'd say trust your gut and keep him at home. Sod the teachers, he's on antibiotics, contagious or not, IMO hes not well enough to be at school.

Sofa duvet DVDs.

skylark2 · 10/10/2014 08:19

I wouldn't keep a child off school who had been well yesterday and overnight and was happy and "jumping about."

That said, he's your son, he has SN - if you think he's not well, you have to do what you think is best for him.

BedPig2013 · 10/10/2014 08:20

How old is your ds? Supposing that he is only young I'd probably keep him off too and try and have a nice relaxed weekend, I'd also try and have a chat about school to see if anything is upsetting him, hope he's feeling better soon

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 08:21

I know I think I shouldn't because he's well and I feel like a fraud.

I didn't lie to school though. I was honest and said he seemed absolutely fine. But he's been fine at home all week then as soon as he goes into school he seems to get ill. That's why I'm thinking it's probably the stress.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 08:22

He's 8, not very young, but he has the mental age of 3 ish. And he doesn't actually feel pain like we do either so it's tricky to work out what's wrong Confused

Urgh I feel terrible.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 10/10/2014 08:40

Yanbu, he had a stressful week and maybe some cuddles and reassurance and just being in his comfort environment might do him some good. As long as it doesn't become a habit, a one off after the week he's had is fine.

KatieKaye · 10/10/2014 08:43

Given his medical history and all that has gone on this week staying off today sounds the right thing to do. Ear infections can be very nasty things.

ChippingInLatteLover · 10/10/2014 08:53

I would take him in this morning and ask school to call you if they feel he's not up to it :)

I'd have no problem with keeping him home if he was at all under par, but if he seems OK, then going in is a better idea. Keep your quote of 'duvet days' for when he's not looking too good.

MmeMorrible · 10/10/2014 08:53

I would keep him home. He's clearly not 100% and a long weekend at home will hopefully see him ready for a full school day on Monday.

ChippingInLatteLover · 10/10/2014 08:54

LOL not sure this thread is going to help you one bit Grin

Yes/No/Yes/No.....

NoodleOodle · 10/10/2014 08:58

Keep him home.

You know he is happy at home today, does going to school all the time outweigh that? Not for me it doesn't, and not for a 3yr old, or similar capabilities as 3yr old.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 09:03

I know! No/yes/no/yes Grin at least it's not a total YABU though so I feel a little bit better.

It's too late to take him now really, it's a 45 minute drive to get there and school started 15 minutes ago.

I'm seriously considering the home school option if the stress for him carries on to be honest, but I'm hoping it's just teething problems.

His 1:1 has been on sick since the first week, they tried to cover him themselves for the first few weeks and then when the seizures worsened finally got a supply 1:1 who wasn't in yesterday for some reason.

They didn't read the care plan properly and assumed seizures meant epilepsy.

They didn't change him properly resulting in acid burns to the bum.

They said he had a nose bleed because he picked his nose when he very clearly had a massive bruise on the bridge of his nose.

Just so many things have gone wrong in these first few weeks Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 09:06

Thanks noodle, he actually does do all his learning at home anyway, I send him to school more the the social learning and independence skills than academic learning. I should learn to trust myself but I always think I'm doing something wrong when it comes to him or that I could be better.

I think I'm just going to write this week off. Have some fun and hope the school will have taken today with extra staff to sort out any routines for him.

OP posts:
ItsFunnierInEnochian · 10/10/2014 09:11

OP that sounds awful Sad I said it before but I'll say it again: YADNBU.

morethanpotatoprints · 10/10/2014 09:13

Hurr1cane

I wouldn't have sent him in either, you can't learn anything if you are ill.

The H.ed route is a good solution for people in your position, if you are happy to do so it can be a far better and rewarding experience for some children and parents.
It sounds like he has had an awful start to this school.
The H.ed threads are a great source of info and support if you fancy starting a thread.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 09:15

Thank you Smile

I don't want to home ed purely because I think for DS school is the best way of him getting some independence from me.

That said if it continues to cause him this much stress, he won't be learning many social skills anyway so I am seriously considering it if the issues don't resolve themselves soon.

OP posts:
jellyhead · 10/10/2014 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 10/10/2014 09:34

Does your council run any playgroups or anything for SN children? So that you could HE but he would still be able to mix with other children as well?

ChippingInLatteLover · 10/10/2014 09:36

I think that it is a good idea for DS to keep going to school, it is good for him to be in an environment away from you, to learn some independence, however, you might need to look at changing schools. However, that said, once his proper 1:1 is in place, it might all be fine. Any idea when his original 1:1 will be back or when they can be replaced with a permanent person. He needs that before he can settle at school and they need to realise how important it is for him.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 09:41

There's no other schools now apart from one that's been in the news for abuse, I also personally know the women who have pulled their children from the other school due to the abuse and have seen the evidence.

I fought tooth and nail for my son not to go to that school (LEA wants bums on seats there so were really pushing for him to go) so it is this or nothing Sad

I have been THAT mum, which I've never been before. I know they can't help staff taking sick leave, and apparently this is the first lot of sick leave this particular member of staff has ever had but she has really hurt herself, so it might be just bum luck so far.

Counting the days till half term

OP posts:
Flexibilityisquay · 10/10/2014 09:53

YANBU. How long is his 1-1 off for? It sounds like he really needs someone at school who can get to know him properly and provide some continuity.

Purplepixiedust · 10/10/2014 09:58

YANBU. Can you raise your concerns with the school?

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 10:06

Not sure how long. Apparently she's hurt her leg I don't know if that means broken or fractured or badly sprained but she obviously needs a lot of time off to heal properly in her job.

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 10/10/2014 11:30

Could you keep DS at home until she is back? Then start him again, fresh. You don't want to put him off. Surely his situation enables them to work around attendance issues?

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 12:43

I'm not sure chippings. She's supposed to be back Monday I think, that's all being well and if she doesn't need another sick note. If she's not then I suppose I'll have to ask really because this isn't really workable at the moment.

I am glad I kept him off though, he's been very teary as the days gone on Sad

OP posts:
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