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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DS off school today?

41 replies

Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 08:16

I feel like a fraud because really, he seems fine, is happy watching the Tv and shouting and jumping about.

But

On Tuesday he was very overly hyper at school, a sign of him being very stressed, and when I was driving him home he had a seizure, slumped forwards and stopped breathing.

The doctors looked him over and he seemed fine but a bit disorientated and warm, so they prescribed anti biotics just in case (if he gets a bad infection and fever he has seizure after seizure and ends up in hospital so he is one of the very rare cases where they will prescribe anti biotics more freely)

He seemed fine when I got him home and I asked school if I could bring him in an hour later Wednesday just to keep an eye on him so I could keep him off if necessary, he was fine, went back in.

On Thursday school rang me at lunch and told me that DSs ear was bright red and he was touching it a lot and going pale, so I picked him up. It was only the outer ear which was red, so I rang the doctor who said it sounded very strange but doubled the anti biotic dose for him.

So all yesterday he was fine, he slept fine, today he seems fine, but I'm keeping him off.

I actually think that it's the stress of the school making him ill. It's a new school for him and supposedly a more 'specialised' special school than his last one. But has so far been shit Sad

So I thought since he'd been a bit off all week, a day off with cuddles and fun just do before a full weekend might make him a bit better?

But the teacher in me is telling me I'm being naughty and if he isn't contagious he should be in school. Blush

OP posts:
Babiecakes11 · 10/10/2014 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hmc · 10/10/2014 13:42

From your description, it's totally reasonable to keep him off

WeirdCatLady · 10/10/2014 16:06

As an aside, home ed can provide an excellent way for kids to gain social skills and independence. Honestly, you'd be amazed at just how many people do it these days. There is something happening every single day, often more than one thing.

Might be an idea to post on the home ed boards to see what there is in your local area, to get a feel for how it might be if you did go down that route?

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 10/10/2014 19:14

I know home ed is wonderful. But DS is so clingy and dependant on me. He needs time away from me to blossom and become his own person. He does need the right setting for this though which we don't appear to have here Sad

I hope this thing with the school is just teething problems I really do.

I'm as much to blame. I find myself absent mindedly doing things like feeding him and doing up his coat rather than encouraging him to try it himself. I mentally tell myself off for it every time but I'm so tired from staying up all night with him that my brain just goes on auto pilot.

I will pull him out and home educate him if he carries on being this stressed, as that's what will be what's best for him. But what would be really best for him would be to find a school that properly meets his needs.

That might not exist though.

OP posts:
NoodleOodle · 10/10/2014 19:26

I'm totally FOR h.ed but, only if it's by choice rather than necessity. Surely every child in this country is entitled to a suitable state education and I'm sorry for you that this is a battle. Continue to be THAT mum when you need to though, even if it feels unnatural, it's unfair but in your case it seems to be a necessity.

I hope the 1:1 is back soon and the problems and issues iron out for you both. And good luck with how you DECIDE to educate DS. If things don't improve soon with the school, do you know avenues of assistance, could your MP help for instance?

ChippingInLatteLover · 10/10/2014 19:38

weirdcatlady how many of those are 8 year olds with special needs?

Hurricane I would ring the school and leave a message asking them to call you the minute they know if the 1:1 is in on Monday. I wouldn't take him until she is back.

I think once he is more settled there, her having the odd day off wont be such a catastrophe, but right now he needs one 'safe' person, one person just looking out for him.

I'm as much to blame Don't be bloody ridiculous woman You are being a Mum, his Mum and it cannot be about 'teaching him' 24/7. He's 8 and you have to help him develop skills - yet at the same time he's 3 and needs to be nurtured and loved like a 3 year old... and yes, sometimes we are just too fecking tired to do the 'right' thing and do the 'easy' thing. ALL of us x

Yes a school that meets his needs would be best. Let's try to be positive and assume it's going to be this one when the 1:1 is back, because you are out of options near you aren't you?

I am really hopeful that it will be fine, you just need to give it a bloody good chance. If it's not, then other things will need to be looked at, but right now try not to worry Brew

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 11/10/2014 14:24

Thanks everyone. He's at his dads today and his dad texted me which is a rarity to say that DS has been really good and chatty even with strangers today, so he obviously needed some time off bless him.

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 11/10/2014 20:14

Oh bless.

There's a turn up for the ex too - wonders will never cease!!

Hope you are having a Wine and a nice night with DP tonight!

greenbananas · 11/10/2014 20:52

Ywnbu to keep your son off school. Glad he's feeling better.

You say he needs time away from you, and I agree that all children need time away from their parents, but this doesn't necessarily have to be at school?

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 12/10/2014 02:53

Hi, well no it doesn't necessarily mean school but there's nowhere else. We don't get respite and I have no family and his dad has him one full day a week because of work.

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 12/10/2014 02:56

It's also different being 'looked after by Dad/GP's' than being in an environment where more is expected of you, where fitting in, complying, working are expected and I think that is something that only schools can really give to children who have SNs. It's easy to find alternative options for children who are NT to develop independence, but it's really not for children with SNs :(

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 12/10/2014 15:25

Does anyone think that if school continues to be so stressful, they might maybe consider only taking him 3 days and me HEding 2 days (or 4 really because I'd have the weekend as well?)

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurr1cane · 13/10/2014 07:11

Well it's the back to school day and after a weekend of a happy and calm DS, he's suddenly very teary and saying sorry all the time but can't tell me what's wrong or what he's sorry about Sad

He said this morning "DS going school" I said are you and he said "mmm" (yes) so I though he was ready to go back, but the years say otherwise Sad

OP posts:
Jennifersrabbit · 13/10/2014 07:30

Just a random thought, has someone checked the outside of his ear? DS (ASD type problems, mainstream ed) had an external ear infection a while back, which is apparently bloody painful but didn't show many outward signs. Needs ear drops so I don't know if internal antibiotics would do it. DS main symptom was being much new volatile than usual! But also fiddling with the ear and complaining of not hearing things.
Hope he feels better soon.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 13/10/2014 07:34

No, no ones checked that! Its not red anymore though but I'll check to see if it happens again.

His old TA thinks it's his Reynauds and when he gets warm from being cold his ears go red and sore

OP posts:
Jennifersrabbit · 13/10/2014 07:39

Ah, that might explain it as well. Just occurred to me.

Hope all settles down for him.

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