Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

should I wind down my business to be able to clean the house properly?

52 replies

SleepIsForNinnies · 09/10/2014 17:00

Had a massive argument with DH about my little fledgeling business. He says the family is suffering because I spend too much time chasing too little money (well, I've only been going a year or so, plus I'm not in a terribly lucrative field). What he really means is I'm not spending enough time cleaning the house. We don't live in squalor - far from it - but if I get several jobs all at once then I won't have time to hoover or cook elaborate meals. He does his fair share of housework and cooking at the weekend, although he works 60-70 hours a week and is too tired and stressed for conversation most evenings. But then, he does get compensated very well for it. I don't, I probably never will do, but I absolutely love what I do. He's the materialistic one, I'm not one bit. The argument started over us hiring a cleaner. In principle I'm in favour, but it comes down to who pays for it. He wants me to pay for a cleaner, but I feel at least one of us ought to be saving something for a rainy day for the family - it's not like we can't live on his income, just like we have been doing before I started my venture. I'm worried because despite his decent salary he's not saving anything. Who's in the wrong here?

OP posts:

FloatIsRechargedNow · 09/10/2014 19:52

Well done OP! £3.5k in your first year is great, a rule of thumb is that you aim to break even after 2 years and many start-ups go bust before that. I completely understand your problems with being able to work and having a dc with a disability and childcare....it's not available is it.

So you are doing really well, especially as you restrict yourself to term time only. Hmm, housework? Well, as an LP I haven't got anyone bugging me about it so I couldn't say.

But you don't want to fall out with DP over it so just point out what a self-starter you are, that you are actually turning a profit and that it will see you all better off in the future and if you can all put up with a slightly messier house during term time it would be really helpful.

zeezeek · 09/10/2014 20:29

Just pay for a cleaner. It will give a message that you are serious about your business, DH will be happy, the house will look good - a win-win situation. So many men see these small businesses as another way of their DW earning pin money. It is demeaning for you as you seem to be doing pretty well so far.

Boysclothes · 09/10/2014 20:39

Hmmm. It's a bit odd because really it should be played out that you have a joint family pot to which you can now put in 3.5k a year. And then you make a joint decision if, out of the family pot, you should get a cleaner (which you absolutely should because it's brilliant). However you've split the money up so "someone" has to pay, which makes it combative. Have you had a conversation about changing the way you both see money? If you did then you could get a cleaner without worrying which one of you is paying.

But if you've decided to see it as all entirely separate then I think I agree with above. DH is supporting you all financially, so time for you to put something in for the family too. If you need a cleaner, you can't get it done between you, then it comes out of "your" 3.5k.

Original poster

SleepIsForNinnies · 09/10/2014 20:40

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. Not that the contradictions help my muddled brain

I'm still debating whethere I should class myself as a vanity business or not...... Would it be more sensible for me to ditch my professional training and become a TA or a dinner lady, so that the hours at least would be reasonable and the money predictable???

But just to clarify - my earnings so far are going into FAMILY savings (otherwise we won't have much in the way of unversity fees for our three kids, his eldest being a teenager!), not a gin & shoe fund! I used to live very frugally before I married DH so it's hard to overcome my instinct to hoard for a rainy day. He is quite happy to spend spend spend - but it's his money, so I can't complain about what he does with it.

OP posts:

FloatIsRechargedNow · 09/10/2014 20:46

The "Vanity Business" comment got me too....you just gorra laugh really. And don't become a TA or a dinner lady, you've got a viable business going.

Coffeeinapapercup · 09/10/2014 20:49

Do you have any idea what your DH's income is? Is he equally putting towards your DCS university?

I think the idea of whether it is a vanity business is kinda irrelevant and doing yourself a massive disservice. You are enjoying it and it's turning a profit. I don't think ANYONE was suggesting ditching your business.

eddielizzard · 09/10/2014 20:55

don't stop work.

don't you have a joint account? you both make mess in the house, as well as the children. i don't see his reasoning that you are the one that should pay for it. misogynist crap that.

really, doesn't sound like he's got your back. i'm on your side here i'm afraid.

FunkyBoldRibena · 09/10/2014 21:05

If you are making £3500 then you have made around £100 a week over the 35 term weeks; which isn't so bad when you are just starting out.

The thing is, he can only do the hours that he doesn't because you were cook and cleaner and chief nappy changer. You possibly gave up the potential of a career to be a SAHM. So. for the sake of £50 a month [which is what I used to pay] I'm sure you can pay for a cleaner out of joint funds; seeing as she will be cleaning up after both of you and your kids.

pointythings · 09/10/2014 21:12

coola OP's earnings are going into savings for the family while her DH is saving nothing at all. That isn't selfish, that's sensible.

LittleBearPad · 09/10/2014 21:17

Don't close your business down.

Given the time constraints £3,500 is great.

Get a cleaner and pay for it half and half.

Phineyj · 09/10/2014 21:31

I assume that you do not need to pay tax as £3.5k is within your tax allowance. However, it might be worth a quick chat with an accountant to see which expenses you can offset against your earnings if your business grows. I know when I freelanced I could offset the cost of heating a room in my home, computer equipment etc. I don't think a cleaner is tax deductible but it should be! I also think £3.5k is good given your constraints. My DSis earns less than twice that as a HLTA/cover supervisor. She is a fully qualified teacher but it's all she can get without working twice the hours.

kikisunflower · 09/10/2014 21:35

Get a cleaner to come in when he's at work and he won't be any the wiser. I had to get a cleaner because I just could not keep up with it and it drove me bonkers. My cleaner is a friend who loves cleaning and I asked her if she wanted to come clean for 2 hours once a fortnight for me and she replied yes and she loves it because she loves cleaning and fits it around her other work. So for us it's a win win. And the joy of coming home after she has been round to clean is just heavenly.

pinkteddy · 09/10/2014 21:45

I don't get this 'his' money. As others have already said, he can only hold down such a demanding job and maintain a home and family because you are supporting him. Its both your money - surely?

FriendlyLadybird · 09/10/2014 22:50

Don't think of it as a 'vanity business' or a 'little, fledgling business'. It's a start-up: you're taking it seriously and I think he should too.

If I were you, I'd just pay for a cleaner. But then start talking seriously about how the two of you manage your money and whether a joint approach to savings and spending might be a good idea.

BackforGood · 09/10/2014 23:52

How can it be "his" money ???!!???

You are a family.
You have joint responsibilities.
He can only work those hours ^because the other half of the partnership is there to do all the domestic stuff / dcs appointments /etc.

The money is the family's money. You now feel you are able to add to that - if he's driven by money, then he should see that as a positive thing, even if to earn £3,500, you (as in the family budget) have to pay out some of that to someone to clean for you. The family pot will still be better off.
I could understand there might be some debate if you (as a family) ended up worse off by you pursuing your business plans, but, according to the figure you have given, you are going to end up better off, even on first year earnings (which will presumably increase).

Lweji · 10/10/2014 08:05

Do you feel you can spend family money ("his"?) as freely as him?

I don't see that he's so nice to have a good job that earns him the money so that you can clean up and cook for him.
Surely he can see that it makes financial sense to hire a cleaner if you earn more than one.
If he still insists on you dropping your job, I'd become a live in housekeeper and child minded and charge him accordingly without any of the benefits he currently gets, plus reasonable time off as legally required, where he can take care of the children himself and of himself.

skylark2 · 10/10/2014 08:09

If you would rather run your business than hoover the floor. do it. The world will not end if the floor is only hoovered when your DH has time to do it, or if your house isn't "cleaned properly". It's not a competition or a test.

Chunderella · 10/10/2014 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InMySpareTime · 10/10/2014 08:58

Can the DCs do some of the cleaning? At least one is teenage, so should be capable of vacuuming/laundry and cooking a meal or two a week when you have a busy work week.

Lweji · 10/10/2014 11:06

I wonder how much house work he'd do if he suddenly lost his job and you had to be the main bread winner.

BookABooSue · 10/10/2014 11:29

I think the problem is that it's not just about a cleaner. You've decided to prioritise saving and sound resentful that your DH spends freely. Your DH sounds resentful that you're now working from home.

Did you discuss with your DH that you were going to set up a business and how, as a family, you would all manage the different demands this would create on family life, and the different expenses/salaries? To be clear, I'm not saying you should have asked for permission but I would have expected you both to have a conversation about you returning to work and how as a family that could be facilitated.

The question isn't who pays for the cleaner but how as a family you all plan to save for the future and meet household expenses (including the cost of a cleaner). It's time to sit down and have that conversation. Be clear on what you want eg to build your business; to have a clean house . I'm guessing your DH will have some non-negotiables for him too. Then you can plan how to balance all those demands.

Lweji · 10/10/2014 12:04

What does he spend all the money on?
Himself or the family?

ChippingInLatteLover · 10/10/2014 12:22

It's most definitely NOT his money.

Lweji · 10/10/2014 14:30

If there is any doubt in your or his mind about whose money it is, get legal advice and find out how much would each have after a divorce.
You'd also have to factor in your loss of earnings for supporting his career.
Eye opener.

redskybynight · 10/10/2014 14:45

So how much money does DH have left after paying for everything else?

That seems to be a fairly crucuial point.

Separate points seem to be

how much money should we AS A FAMILY be saving?

do we AS A FAMILY want to pay for a cleaner or do we think the money is best used in other places (which might be as savings)

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread