To ask for your thoughts - adoption or IVF

[heythatsnotme]

Hi,

I'm 35 next year and I am giving serious thought as to how I can become a parent.

I have no known fertility issues and am healthy weight, no ongoing health issues at all, etc. (I am single, which is why we can't just TTC as there is no man!)

On the one hand I am drawn to IUI or IVF with anonymous sperm - anonymous until the child turns 18 at any rate. I would love to experience pregnancy, give birth and breastfeed. I'd love to name my baby, have scan pics, newborn pics and so on. And of course no one asks any questions!

However the 'is it fair on the child' question keeps rising in my mind. Of course the same applies to adopted children I suppose - to raise them without a father or father figure - but I suppose the difference is that that life already exists, and I am hopefully enhancing it rather than of being in detriment to it. And perhaps as a single mum, I would be as well to avoid sleepless nights! (I have attended an open evening which indicated getting a baby wouldn't be possible.)

I have serious doubts as to whether I would be approved to adopt mainly due to my family background which sadly saw both parents die young. As a result I obviously lack the much lauded support and additionally there is the risk I could also die young.

I suppose I'm wondering what would you do? :)

I did the donor sperm thing - I started out on IUI and wasted a huge amount of time and money on that as I actually had copious fertility problems that weren't immediately apparent.
But I conceived first go with IVF.

The importance of a biological "father figure" thing is questionable. I know too many women who have had children with complete arseholes to know that it is not all it is cracked up to be.

My DS has plenty of wonderful male and female role models in his life.
From a very young age we discussed how families aren't all the same. (There are some great picture books on this.) We have a lot of lesbian and gay couples as friends so he has always been used to being around non-traditional domestic arrangements and his best friend at school is being raised by his grandmother.

Good luck!