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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish someone hadn't given me this present

42 replies

Kato77 · 08/10/2014 23:35

For a recent anniversary some old friends, who live in a European country, gave me and DH a voucher for a night away in a hotel in the country that they live in.

We were very touched but AIBU to wish maybe they had given us something else?

To make use of the gift we'll have to get to the country, find (pay probably as have no capable relatives) someone to look after DCs or pay for them to stay in the same place as us. Plus we'd have to pay for travel to country - its all looking rather expensive.

If we give it away/ sell it I'm dreading having to confess to old friends that this is what we did. Or maybe they are expecting us to visit them and tag it on the end.

The more I think about this the more of a burden it is becoming. If we don't use it old friends are bound to ask at some point how it was.

OP posts:
Dontlaugh · 08/10/2014 23:38

I'd probably look up cheap flights, bring the kids and ask for family room. But yes, it's an expense.

FelixTitling · 08/10/2014 23:39

Ah, that's tricky. I think you could possibly give it back to them though. Explain that although it's an amazing gift, it's just not possible to do at the moment and you would love them to have it instead, rather than it go to waste.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2014 23:40

Gosh a box of chocolates would have been better. Just say if they ask that you couldent afford to make use of them yet!

Original poster
Kato77 · 08/10/2014 23:41

The hotels that you can use it at don't look like the type that would have a family room - they are all v romantic.

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 08/10/2014 23:43

What a ridiculous present. A present shouldn't involve you spending money to use it!

I don't suppose it's a european chain and they'll trf you to one more local to you??

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 08/10/2014 23:43

Could you combine it with a visit to them? Long weekend, take the dcs, stay with them two nights and have them mind the dcs for a third night so you and dh can have a romantic night alone?

Original poster
Kato77 · 08/10/2014 23:44

I can't really understand what was going through their heads when they chose it. They are quite well off plus have older children so maybe they didn't think about the practicalities.

I think they'd be offended if we gave it back ...

OP posts:
Original poster
Kato77 · 08/10/2014 23:46

ThinkIveBeenHacked - it did go through my head that maybe they'd look after the kids so I checked through the card/ wrapping etc for generous offers of assistance but couldn't find any Sad

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 08/10/2014 23:50

Could you maybe email something along the lines of

"Hi X, hoping to make use of the YZ Hotel Voucher sometime soon and wondered whether it would be worth adding in a couple of days with the two of you the same weekend? We would need to bring the kids, if you have the room for us all, theyd love to have a visit to -insert city-"

Then once that is agreed email back and say "YZ Hotel doesnt really seem kid friendly - do you know if the voucher is transferable as we would hate to waste it"And see if an offer is forthcoming.

cozietoesie · 08/10/2014 23:51

They didn't win it in a competition, did they? Wink

Original poster
Kato77 · 09/10/2014 00:04

cozietoesie that did cross my mind but for reasons too complex to mention here I am certain they didn't.

Have just looked at the voucher website hoping that it might be possible to change it for something in UK or at least a more easy to get to country but is not possible I don't think - this not helped by fact whole website is in another language. Gah!

OP posts:
PhaedraIsMyName · 09/10/2014 00:06

What a weird present. 1 night only in a foreign country.

Unless the hotel is one of the destination hotels like The Ritz, The Savoy , The Georges Cinq , Raffles , the Gritti Palace, The Peninsula , The Adlon etc etc where the cost of the room is considerably more than the cost of the airfare to get there it's really not a great present.

PhaedraIsMyName · 09/10/2014 00:08

Can you say which country it is? Is the hotel a famous, fabulous one?

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 09/10/2014 00:09

What a ludicrous present! In fact it's not a present at all, it's a burden.

cozietoesie · 09/10/2014 00:11

I'm possibly being uncharitable but it's so wildly inappropriate in all the circumstances that I wondered whether there could be a touch of ' I still can't think what to get them, Darling' - 'Darling, why don't we give them that free romantic night we won/you were given/name your route'?

You know them, though.

I don't think you can use it do you? Might you suggest to your friends that you'd like to give it to eg a charity raffle in their country as a celebration of your anniversary?

Original poster
Kato77 · 09/10/2014 00:18

There is a choice of hotels which look nice but cannot find Ritz/ Savoy etc equivalent among them. Don't want to name the country but will say its at least 2 hrs flight plus is not known for its cheapness. We've hardly been there since we had DCs because its so v expensive.

Now have looked closer at website have discovered could exchange for something other than a hotel stay in said country e.g. a meal out or family day out. This gets around the babysitting palaver. But we'd still all have to get there .......

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 09/10/2014 00:21

Ah - an alternative explanation came to me.

One of them - or a good in-country friend of theirs - bought a romantic night at that hotel as a surprise anniversary treat for their partner and it was such a wild success that they've thought to replicate the experience for you two.

Doesn't make any difference to your response though, I think?

cozietoesie · 09/10/2014 00:24

One night paid for in an expensive country to which you'd have to travel and probably stay for much longer ?

I'd donate it to a deserving cause.

Original poster
Kato77 · 09/10/2014 00:25

I have some other friends who live in the same country. I could ask them if they'd buy it off me. Friends #2 know friends #1 in a vague way (mainly through me) but I think they'd probably guess that I must have got it from friends #1 and would then wonder why friends #1 had given it to me and maybe even guess that friends #1 had been invited to anniversary celebration when they hadn't been ....

OP posts:
Original poster
Kato77 · 09/10/2014 00:27

cozietoesie - now I'll have to find a deserving cause in said expensive country & post it there. Grin

OP posts:
FelixTitling · 09/10/2014 00:32

This is just the kind of think my dsis does. Buys people cheap flights, but no hotel. And always to airports miles from anywhere in expensive countries.

Original poster
Kato77 · 09/10/2014 00:48

At least if it was the flights they'd bought we could have flown there and stayed with them or taken a tent.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 09/10/2014 01:02

Drop them a note explaining how you've reluctantly agreed that you'd like someone poor but deserving (Yes - people would accept that language in these sort of circumstances) to have the same sort of special night that you and DH have all the time/will be having on your anniversary. So you've given it to [insert name of worthy cause] to donate to a couple who wouldn't otherwise have been able to afford an anniversary treat. (If you can find a seniors charity, so much the better.)

Who knows but that you might even feel better about donating it than actually going.

Smile
Original poster
Kato77 · 10/10/2014 17:43

I have discovered that voucher can be exchanged for other things on the company website including various "national" experiences. One of these is "adopt a cow for a month" which includes adopting a cow, visiting it at its farm and tasting its cheese.

Doesn't get round the flights issue though.

OP posts:
quietbatperson · 10/10/2014 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.