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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery greets children with folded arms and tells off crying children for making a fuss

42 replies

PicturesJane · 08/10/2014 22:34

My DD aged three, started nursery three weeks ago. She was absolutely fine on the taster day, we spent time preparing her for going and for the first few days she seemed to be liking it. Gradually she has taken against it and twice now has refused to let myself or DH leave her there. She is quite self-contained, communicates well and has a five year old brother who she has a good relationship with. She will agree to go the previous night but increasingly changes her mind when she arrives. This morning the nursery said to DH "is she staying or going?" as DD clung to his leg rather than help with the transition. DH took her home. We have just settled her quickly and left before but she doesn't seem that happy when we collect her. This behaviour is out of character for her, she is generally a happy wee soul. There doesn't seem to be much love or reaching out from the staff.

OP posts:

Jenda · 08/10/2014 22:35

Sounds horrible for all of you. Can you move her to a different nursery?

Pico2 · 08/10/2014 22:38

I'd be looking for a different nursery. On the rare occasions that DD is upset in the morning, her nursery staff are lovely.

MsVestibule · 08/10/2014 22:40

That is DREADFUL! Any decent nursery staff would be saying "Come on Lucy, why don't we come and look in the home corner?" then saying to you "She'll be fine, we'll call you if she doesn't settle".

Is it a state nursery attached to a school, or a private nursery? Seriously, look for another nursery.

strawberryangel · 08/10/2014 22:41

Good lord, send her somewhere else!

CheerfulYank · 08/10/2014 22:43

Sounds terrible.

I used to work with three year olds and when they were upset I would try to get them interested in something else and tell them what fun we were going to have that day. If that didn't work I'd occasionally have to gently remove them from the parent, but I would hold them until they were busy with something else and not upset anymore.

I'm a CM now and one of my mindees is upset most mornings at drop off (he's only 16 months). We go feed the fish and then he's fine. His mother said at his old place the CM would say "do you think he's going to cry all day?" :( They're just little!

I'd look elsewhere.

morethanpotatoprints · 08/10/2014 22:46

OMG, this is disgusting, no way would I have left my dc in an environment like this. Can you find somewhere different near to you.
Children shouldn't have to be cajoled and encouraged to be happy and content, if it doesn't come naturally it can't be right.
Why should they have to become accustomed to something they don't like in a place they don't want to be.
It always intrigues me why as a society we do this to our children.

londonrach · 08/10/2014 22:51

Move her. This nursery doesnt sound right for her and im shocked at the staff. When dropping dn off i saw staff deal with upset children by gently encouraged to see x or y or asking a child who was playing ok to show the upset child something. All seemed ok within minutes.

WooWooOwl · 08/10/2014 22:53

Time to start looking at other nurseries.

Lottieismydog · 08/10/2014 23:28

I would follow your instinct on this one, you know your child, and her needs. The fact you felt uncomfortable with the attitude of the nursery staff is enough, it's tough finding the right place for DC - but you will all benefit if you can find her somewhere more nurturing and encouraging - somewhere where she will flourish. What a shame for all the children in their care. Good luck x

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2014 23:31

This is unacceptable, definitely a new nursery.

fassbendersmistress · 08/10/2014 23:36

Trust your instincts. My DS's. Nursery go out of their way to help distract him and engage him when he's crying/clingy. They don't make a big hoo-ha but when I leave him I know he's going to be getting cuddles if he's still sad. And occasionally on the odd bad day they call me to confirm he has settled fine.

Start looking...

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 09/10/2014 00:40

God sounds crap.

My mindees ran through my door as I used to move the teddies around the room for them to find.

Sometimes teddy was reading or once playing cards!

It should be fun and friendly not pursed lips and serious.

Move her/

ShadowStar · 09/10/2014 01:15

It doesn't sound good.

If DS1 is reluctant to stay at nursery when I drop him off, the staff usually say something along the lines of "come and look at xyz / we're doing activity abc, come and join in". And then he usually runs off happily. They also give the children cuddles if they get upset when parents leave.

Josie314 · 09/10/2014 01:37

I would also be worried that she is increasingly unhappy at the end of the day. My DD often kicks up a fuss when left but is usually glowing when I pick her up, so I assume most of her day is happy. If she is unhappy at pick up too then she clearly isn't having fun.

Original poster

PicturesJane · 09/10/2014 07:08

It's pretty much what we thought, thank you for your resounding advice. We will move her.

It's a private nursery but we are just using the 15 free hours.

I understand a few other parents have concerns.

OP posts:

middlings · 09/10/2014 07:10

Move her and ring Ofsted to suggest a visit. One of our local nurseries failed spectacularly when that happened.

CSIJanner · 09/10/2014 07:11

Report them to ofsted. Even private nurseries have to answer to them. No child should be left upset with uncaring, cold sounding staff. This is unacceptable.

wantacatplease · 09/10/2014 07:19

I'd also report after you move dd.

youbethemummylion · 09/10/2014 07:20

Completely unacceptable and how the staff manage to stick to these rules and not comfort a crying child is beyond me. I couldn't leave a child to cry and I don't even like children that much

Eva50 · 09/10/2014 07:25

My boys started at a nursery like this. Ds1 had no problems going in, didn't bother about leaving me and was quite happy. It wasn't until ds2 started and had more difficulty settling that I realised just how unwelcoming they were. They had to be handed over at the door.

I found a local playgroup who were happy for me to come in and settle him before leaving and he was really happy there. He always found it upsetting to be left even for his first year in school but, handled properly, it was just a quick couple of minutes and then he was fine.

phantomnamechanger · 09/10/2014 07:28

yes, move her! if that is how the parents behave when they are on show to the parent, just think how they are to the children once you go!

SIL had this with her DD, the DD used to go to 2 nurseries and would ask "is it the happy one or the sad one today"

they took her out of the sad nursery pretty damn quick when it became obvious this was not just settling in problems. The staff were VERY uncaring, cold and some odd ideas about how to handle upset children.

phantomnamechanger · 09/10/2014 07:29

doh! If that is how the STAFF behave when they are on show to the parents....

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/10/2014 07:30

That sounds awful you'd poor dd.

Kids Cry at nursery sometimes but they should be comforted and treated with kindness.

Dds always greeted with a smile. Sometimes she gives them a cuddle. She's happy to go to all of the staff.

I'd report yours

meglet · 09/10/2014 07:37

Agree with the others to look for a new nursery.

The dc's went to a lovely nursery where they'd be scooped up in a cuddle and carried if they were having a wobbly morning.

skylark2 · 09/10/2014 07:44

That doesn't sound great. I'd expect them to be engaging with your DD, not your DH, when she arrives.

I'm wary of judging "they don't comfort a crying child" if you've just walked in - could be said child has a habit of shoving another one and then howling so he/she doesn't get told off (or similar).

If it's just for the free hours, does it have to be "nursery"? Don't you have a local playgroup?

I left DS screaming at nursery every day for years - but it was obvious that the staff cared and wanted to make him happy, and he was always having a lovely time when I picked him up - he never wanted to come home.

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