To send my 2yo to bed without dinner

[MissPollysTrolleyed]

(via the bath, stories and bedtime cuddles, btw).

My 2yo can be quite demanding and I've been a but knackered and stressed lately so have given in too often when she demands something sweet but stopped short when she refused her dinner and started demanding biscuits instead . I told her so could have a biscuit when she'd eaten her tea and some fruit. I made it clear that she had to eat some tea and some fruit and not just fruit. She refused her tea, had a massive meltdown, a banana, a small yogurt and a pear and forgot about the biscuit.

She's in bed but I wonder if it's right to let her go to bed without offering her a bowl of Weetabix or some toast just so she's not starving. Or whether i should insist she eats her tea although I am not sure how I would achieve this as she's a stubborn little thing and not easily swayed.

She regularly eats no tea because she decides she doesn't like it. I was a very fussy eater as a kid and my mother pandered to my whims and I refuse to do the same (unless you lot say I'm being neglectful).

Mine does the same. She's not starved herself yet.

If she doesn't seem upset or hungry, whatever. :) I doubt she'll starve. Probably just eat more breakfast in the morning!

I personally couldn't have done it. I'd have offered toast etc, BUT she did have fruit so probably isn't hungry anyway.

She'll be fine. She won't starve, that's for sure. I think as long as you're offering fruit and yoghurt, you're fine. Re the fussy eating, I would let her eat or not eat, but don't get excited about it either way. Keep offering her what the rest of the family is eating, but also cook things you know she likes a few times a week. Don't encourage or discourage, in fact, talk about food as little as possible. Offer her fruit and yoghurt for afters whether she eats tea or not. And just phase out the biscuits altogether, they seem to forget these things about as quickly as they get obsessed with them, and it'll remove one complication.

I hear you re knackered and stressed, 23mo DD is getting a lot of Peppa Pig time atm

You did the right thing. I'm sure she won't starve.

She regularly eats no tea because she decides she doesn't like it.

Food that she previously ate or food you know she doesn't normally eat?

And be aware that their likes and dislikes will change.

You haven't sent her to bed without dinner. She's had a banana, a small yoghurt and a pear which is all nutritious food. Just give her extra at breakfast time, if she seems hungrier than usual.

I was going to say YABU based on your title, but you didn't send her crying to sleep hungry!

My personal opinion is that it is best to not use puddings as a reward, and to not have them at every meal. And just present dinner and ignore any reaction, just crack on with eating yours. Don't make pudding exciting or the 'reward' for eating the main, it just reinforces her idea of the main being a chore. If she's hungry, she'll eat it , assuming you're not a terrible cook of course but if she's not hungry, don't make her eat it. Biscuits isn't a pudding anyway. We have yoghurt or berries about half the time , nothing the other half, and maybe once a fortnight something like ice cream or cake. Not as part of every meal. I think you recognise that you've started bribing her and IMO you should be firm and move on with the focus on nice mains, whether or not she eats them. The less issues you make around food, the less issues she will have - and the less she will be able to manipulate you. Here's dinner - eat it or don't, no problem, smile and mean it, and eat your own and chat about whatever with her. Sometimes my toddler says 'bleurgh' when I do this, I ignore and chat away and he forgets and ends up eating loads! And sometimes he doesn't touch his main, then I fancy a yoghurt so I offer him one too, he'll eat that then go back and eat some of his dinner! So let them choose is best, but choose from the options you give, not their own free choice .

Fine, you offered her dinner, she chose not to eat it. Not a punishment! :) If you sent her to bed without dinner for drawing on the carpet that would be unreasonable.

At least she's eaten something. I went through a phase with DD of giving her a main meal at lunch so that when we reached the inevitable tea time melt down, at least I knew she'd had a proper hot meal that day and I didn't feel so bad about her eaten virtually nothing in the evening.

I think you need to reclaim your authority here and if that means sending her to bed without her tea and just a cup of milk then so be it. If she knows you will scurry around like R2D2 desperately finding her something to eat then she will try it on every night. Don't give her any snacks an hour before tea and if she plays up just talk amongst yourselves and ignore her. She will probably get bored of the theatrics eventually if they don't get her any attention!!!

If you want her to eat some of her tea before pudding then be specific about what you want her to eat eg two pieces of carrot and stick to it. If she doesn't eat what you say then she gets no pudding. Trust me - a hungry child will eat. I found this with my own daughter. It truely isn't about food for her - it's about using food to create a battle of wills and gain attention. She needs to know you mean it when you say she won't get anything else if she doesn't eat her tea or else she will always control mealtimes.

I sometimes find it helps if I involve dd in the preparation of meals (in an age appropriate way of course) like decorating a pizza, making a face out of fruit etc.

Good luck!! You need nerves of steel with two year olds!!

But fruit is very sweet and full of sugar. Was the yogurt sweetened?

I would stop the bargaining 'you have to eat this before you have that'. 2 year olds have no ability to defer gratification, if the 'that ' is mentioned, they want it now . So offering it up for later just gives you a problem. There is no need for sweet things after tea at all. Give her a sweet snack at some other time, but don't complicate tea with it. Just give her the food you have planned in a calm relaxed way, eat with her and give milk and toast if she doesn't eat much.

I would second what 'this bitch " said ^

OMG I didn't see ThisBitchIsResting and thought jezz was referring to Cadium as a bitch

God! Am so sorry I must have sounded really rude!

I wouldn't. Tbh I would give a simple boring tea because they get tired and grumpy by that time of the day. As long as the rest of the time they're trying new stuff etc then what is the issue.

When I get tired, I get grumpy and do not want to try new foods. I just want comfort food that I know and love!

Yanbu I've had to do it a couple of times with my dd.
Always expect her to wake up early, hungry but she hasn't, so she must not be going to bed starving. I think it's good to be firm about what you expect you child to eat otherwise it makes life hard for yourself and encourages fussiness. In my opinion, but I know not everyone feels the same.
Do what you feel is right and works for you.

I demand henceforth that ' thebitchisresting ' changes her username to 'thatnicewomanthatjustpostedaboveme' :-SS

Gosh she is only 2. No way should a 2 year old go to bed without food, I'm really surprised at some of the answers.

At 2 she needs help regulating her emotions. She is learning she can't always get her own way. I probably would have said that dinner was there when she had calmed down and help her calmed down.

I also agree that bargaining is a bad way to go - its too complicated. Just offer healthy meals and accept they wont always eat it. They may not always eat their veg on one day but fancy them the next.

It really isn't worth it and you dont want to start anxiety at food at only 2.

Thanks for all this. Some really good insightful advice here. Inboxer, your comments are particularly resonant. I definitely need to reassert my authority. I've just struggled the last few weeks and it seems you need to show a bit of weakness and they are straight in pushing your biscuit buttons.

Just to be clear though, I didn't mention or offer a biscuit. It just happened that I gave them a biscuit two days in a row and now they think it has legal status .

She got a different sugar fix - instead of biscuits she got a banana, yogurt and pear. She has eaten so she's not going to starve.

I think you should have offered a really boring alternative - unsweetened porridge or vegetables and not sweet fruit/yogurt

She won't 'Starve' for sure.

Maybe start her on vitamins if getting food onto her can be a problem

If she doesn't eat what you say then she gets no pudding

I disagree with that statement above. Pudding shouldn't be conditional. Sets up bad habits i.e. eat so you can eat the "good" stuff.

Meh I think it's fine. She won't starve. DD (also 2) didn't want her supper tonight either, I offered her a banana and she had one bite so she has gone to bed! (Not as punishment, just because it was time.)

Lol jezza and Worra