To send my 2yo to bed without dinner

[MissPollysTrolleyed]

(via the bath, stories and bedtime cuddles, btw).

My 2yo can be quite demanding and I've been a but knackered and stressed lately so have given in too often when she demands something sweet but stopped short when she refused her dinner and started demanding biscuits instead . I told her so could have a biscuit when she'd eaten her tea and some fruit. I made it clear that she had to eat some tea and some fruit and not just fruit. She refused her tea, had a massive meltdown, a banana, a small yogurt and a pear and forgot about the biscuit.

She's in bed but I wonder if it's right to let her go to bed without offering her a bowl of Weetabix or some toast just so she's not starving. Or whether i should insist she eats her tea although I am not sure how I would achieve this as she's a stubborn little thing and not easily swayed.

She regularly eats no tea because she decides she doesn't like it. I was a very fussy eater as a kid and my mother pandered to my whims and I refuse to do the same (unless you lot say I'm being neglectful).

my 2.5 DD didnt eat what was put in front of her yesterday:

Lunch - soup and bread
Tea - Beef & veg stew and bread - this had plenty veg in she likes in chunks.

She has ate like a horse today!

If she's not whining out of hunger that is fine. Ds 2.7 years has often gone to bed on an empty stomach (no complaint of hunger) after refusing dinner, toast, fruit, yoghurt etc. thought right your not hungry so gave him milk before bed.

At nursery my 2 year old will refuse to eat because she is so damn fussy! At home if she doesn't eat dinner then tough! if she's hungry she will eat so your not only one having this battle.

I also came on to say 'Yes, don't do it" but then read that she has had two pieces of fruit and a yoghurt. My dd is 2.6 and to be honest would often be full if she'd eaten this in the evening, depending what she'd had for lunch. So I doubt she's hungry.
Relax - tomorrow is another day. And good luck.

Sometimes I can really see a 2 yo's pov with regard to food.

If there's too much food on my plate it makes me feel not hungry, it really puts me off eating and so I think, I just want chocolate or biscuits instead. But being an adult, with now adult DC's I grin and bear it.

And enjoy whatever it is I've cooked. Albeit a much smaller portion than DP dishes up for me. My lunch is a varied mix of my previous night's dinner as DP will not listen when I say that's enough food on the plate for me!

StripeyBanana: but she didn't go to bed with no tea. She had a banana, yogurt and pear. A lot for a 2 yo.

I think ThisBitch has it spot on. That's how I think about food in relation to my toddler. No bribery or excitement, no pudding 'treat' in exchange for eating a main course, no gnashing or wailing in response to stubbornness. I think asserting authority risks turning food into a battleground.

However, my two year old, if he doesn't eat enough in the evening, has a habit of waking at 4am saying he's hungry and wanting milk...

If she won't eat it, she won't eat it. How would you force her to at that age? My DS is 3 and eats fine if I stick to his 3 usual meals that he likes. If I dare deviate from that restricted menu, however, he tends to refuse it!

Last night he was not interested in the lentil dhal I made, even though he tried it a couple of times previously. So I gave him a banana and some crackers and a yoghurt and he was fine. Didn't wake up hungry in the night or anything.

Shes eaten so not starving, id have probably given fruit and toast not yogurt but I its not like you sent her to bed with no food inside her

I always made pudding a part of the meal, not a reward/treat iyswim. It was a piece of fruit, yogurt etc. FWIW, now they're adults, they only ever choose a dessert if we go out for a meal (and mostly they don't bother even then).

You did the right thing, don't worry yourself.

In this house you eat what's put in front of you or go hungry (I'm not totally mean - I wouldn't expect then to eat something I know they don't like, but if they're just refusing to be awkward then they go to bed
hungry).

Similar when the older nephews (6 and 8) come to stay, they are known as fussy and fairly demanding kids throughout the family but they are angels when they come here. They eat what they're given as they know full well I will eat it in front of them and send them straight to bed (I have done in the past). They go to bed when they're told or I start knocking 15 mins off their bedtimes the next night (once they ended up in bed at 5pm).

Never pander to kids - it's a slippery slope to them ruling the roost.

I disagree Rusticated - asserting authority is about refusing to engage in battles or allowing your child to dominate mealtimes. It should be a question of there's your meal - take it or leave it but leave it and you won't get anything else. I don't think there's any harm in a child missing one meal once in a while if it teaches them to appreciate what is in front of them.

I think we have to be realistic. Children do often prefer sweeter flavours so pudding will be valued over the main meal. If you tell them that they have to eat xyz because it has vitamins in that help them grow, run fast, play etc etc before they can have pudding then you're just reinforcing the message that some foods are essential to eat and others are just sweet treats. Which let's face it is the truth!!

Jesus if my 2.5yo ate that much before bed i'd be absolutely chuffed. Mine ate half a waffle and about 4 peas. Genuine.

So long as you are putting food in front of her to eat then that's all you can do. You are not starving her. If she tells you later on she is hungry then yes offer her cereal, toast, banana whatever otherwise just leave it. She knows to ask you for food and you will give her a healthy option. My DD age 7 who has never been a fussy eater has suddenly gone off eating breakfast so I've tried all sorts and she will now go for a chocolate brioche. I even had to let her teacher know in case she was being grumpy at school so at least they knew why.

Not unreasonable.

I did this last night with DD (3.8). She had been at nursery so had already had two meals and two snacks. She said she was hungry when she came in but just pushed her food around, moulding it like playdough, rubbing it into her hands and generally being silly.
I removed it, she had a banana and a small yogurt, then milk, story, etc.

She ate a big breakfast this morning, and all her tea tonight.

MY approach has always been. Refuse ( ok thats fine ) either sit and wait for everyone else to finish ...Remove plate if likely to throw. or remove from table.

My son I can say would eat chunky chicken soup but not chicken stew

I think the more fuss you make the worse it gets.

It is honestly fine. I saw a dietician with one of mine who told me that in toddlers they don't look at a day's intake but look at their food intake over 3 days. They will naturally eat nothing at some meals and more at others.

You haven't sent her to bed without dinner, you gave her dinner and she hasn't eaten it. I completely agree that a no fuss approach is best, don't make food a battle and don't get anxious if she doesn't eat it.

She didn't go to bed hungry. She had fruit and yoghourt. She won't starve. I would not negotiate with a two year old but be clear and consistent about what must be eaten.

She might just not be hungry - if she sleeps through I reckon she will just not have been hungry - ds has hungry days and non hungry days - we stick to the no treats if he isn't hungry enough for tea but will offer dry bread if he is hungry at bed time. Our limit is half his tea - if he has that he can have his yoghurt/bear fruit etc

To those who offer refusers a snack afterwards, isn't that rewarding the child, in the end they get something they want after refusing the dinner everyone else had?

Both of mine have become really troublesome at dinner time, especially DD (nearly 4). She's no longer napping during the day but is cranky by dinner time. If she refuses dinner and I end up giving her toast, fruit etc after a while, she'd prefer the alternative. She might always make a fuss over dinner, knowing she gets a fun alternative?

I try not to see food in terms of reward at all. Food is food.

I don't think I'd ever say any food must be eaten.

If they only eat half their dinner I'd offer smaller portions and tell them they can have more if they're hungry.

As long as you regularly offer a variety of food they will get enough over the week. I wouldnt make pudding dependant on eating ever. Fruit/yoghurt etc is all part of healthy diet.

I know enough people with eating disorders that I really really won't make meals a battle.

I agree with Rootypig

My DS1 regularly did not eat his tea at that age. He is now 4 and eats a wide variety of food without complaint.

DS2 is now 2, and is the same. Regularly does not eat any dinner at all (i.e. 3-5 nights a week).

We stick to dishing everyone up the same food (more or less) most nights. Obviously aiming to have meals that are child friendly (e.g. Having mashed vegetables as one of the components, and nothing too spicy etc). They can eat it or not eat it, and regardless of whether they do or do not eat it, they always get an orange after tea.

They will not starve themselves. Good food is on offer, I won't force them to eat it. But equally there are no alternatives offered if they choose not to eat it.

Obviously exceptions are made for when they are unwell.

Picky eating is par for the course at this age.

No point in bribery though. They are not capable of understanding it at this age, and it sets up the idea that treat foods are better/nicer/more desrable than vegetables etc I.e. "if you eat two mouthfuls of carrot you can have a biscuit".

Hmmm, my DS is 2 and often doesn't eat a lot at teatime. He will eat a huge breakfast, snack like a gannet in the morning and then have a 'proper' mid day meal - think spag Bol, macaroni, baked pot, casserole, curry, noodles, risotto, type of thing (not all at one meal, mind :-)) but then is really 'nah' about an evening meal. To make sure he does actually eat enough I've adapted to his eating patterns and tend to make sure the mid day meal is substantial, then let him have toast, fruit, cheese and yoghurt for the afternoon/evening meal. I reckon he's just too tired to be bothered in the evening? And then gets more whiny and fussy. So long as one meal that day is actual food I think a 'nursery tea' is fine.