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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Other mums or just sensitive me?

43 replies

CantThinkOfAGoodUserName · 08/10/2014 13:53

At playgroups I find that some mums get a bit annoyed at my now 10 month old baby (and me). DD is very active and dashes about wanting to play with others (usually older ones) and gets in there way or ruins there tower block or sits on them . From some of the mums I get a look that to me makes me feel like they don't want her to play with their child as she can't play properly I presume, I feel a bit cold shouldered by them in a way.
Do you think I'm just being too sensitive? Or do some mums not like other kids that do this? She's no way heavy handed by the way, she doesn't hit or poke or pull she is just enthusiastic let's say....

OP posts:

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 08/10/2014 13:55

I think they are probably more worried that your dd is going to get hurt or pushed by their toddler who is too young to understand that your dd is small and means no harm.

It's hard but you may just have to supervise her better so she isn't breaking towers or sitting on people!

Vitalstatistix · 08/10/2014 13:59

People do normally expect that parents will stop their kids from wrecking stuff.

They aren't annoyed with your baby, I promise. Who could possibly be annoyed with such a tiny thing doing just want tiny things want to do? I'm sure she's lovely.

No, I'm afraid it's you they are a bit miffed with because you really are supposed to intervene as far as possible and not sit and watch as she sits on stuff and topples blocks.

You need to get in there and manage her play a bit better. She can join in, you just need to be there to take her hand away if she's going to push their blocks over, etc.

WD41 · 08/10/2014 14:01

I wouldn't want another child sitting on mine. You need to supervise / intervene a bit more.

Moghedien · 08/10/2014 14:01

I typed a response but Vital put it better.

I'm sure no one minds her playing but some input from you would probably be for the best.

minibmw2010 · 08/10/2014 14:02

What are you doing while she's being enthusiastic? Are you trying to help her join in gently or are you standing to the side and letting her do her own thing? She's too young to be left alone.

flipchart · 08/10/2014 14:02

I agree it's you they find annoying.
The older kids will find yours a pain as well.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/10/2014 14:07

At that age, playgroups are more about playing with the toys in the presence of other children than actually playing with the other children, because none of them are very good at sharing and being careful. They learn those skills gradually, with supervision.

I think the other mums are conveying 'please supervise your baby because I cannot be fully responsible for what happens to her next, as, much as I'll try to intervene, my child is not predictable or fully within my control'.

I spent a lot of time dashing after very mobile but oblivious dd, preventing her from trampling smaller babies, or battering them with toys she'd picked up.

Original poster

CantThinkOfAGoodUserName · 08/10/2014 14:10

Haha... Thanks for the honesty there flip I do chase after her but she's quick and she gets places before me, I do follow her around at all times and when I say sit on I just mean she has this thing of going to others and sitting right next to them. Ok so basically I need to keep her closer, it's tricky as the reason I go to groups is to let her have some space and also to meet mums but it's hard to chat to anyone when I'm just following my baby

OP posts:

LiverpoolLou · 08/10/2014 14:11

You should come to our playgroup. I think I'm the only parent who supervises their child. The others all hang out in the kitchen chatting and drinking coffee. It's like fightclub for toddlers.

HamishBamish · 08/10/2014 14:12

I agree it's more of a supervision thing.

I sympathise, because I found the whole playgroup thing really tricky. I either felt I was over supervising, but when I tried to back off a bit I wasn't doing enough!

Original poster

CantThinkOfAGoodUserName · 08/10/2014 14:13

Ok now I feel like crap mum I'm so rubbish at social situations

OP posts:

Spindarella · 08/10/2014 14:14

Like HamishBamish I found playgroups tricky. I couldn't be bothered with them tbh.

Spindarella · 08/10/2014 14:17

Canthtinkofagoodusername

Don't feel rubbish. Have you tried a few playgroups? Some have a completely different feel. The more crafts based ones weren't for us, but I could tolerate the ones which were far more about singing, dancing, and doing. Still didn't particulalry enjoy them but to varying degrees!

PrivateJourney · 08/10/2014 14:17

I think by the time your DD is 3 you will really understand how unreasonable it is to let anyone knock down a tower a (clever) 3yo has just built.

The other mums will be upset for their child having his project destroyed but they'll also be concerned that he might tell your DD in his own special way just how unreasonable she's being

I do think a certain amount of supervision is needed. Enough to make sure no-one gets hurt and no-one is taking toys off others etc.

HamishBamish · 08/10/2014 14:17

Ok now I feel like crap mumblush I'm so rubbish at social situations

Don't be daft, of course you're not a crap mum. I never found playgroups particularly easy or remotely relaxing. It just wasn't possible to have a decent conversation whilst running after a toddler.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 08/10/2014 14:17

Oh your not a crap mum at all. I have to say the best part of children starting school is not going to toddler groups anymore!

Maybe look for different groups honestly it sounds odd but different set ups can make all the difference. I found a couple of nice church run ones that only a handful of people went to so it was a much nicer atmosphere and easier to manage the kids.

RiverTam · 08/10/2014 14:17

are they any baby/tiny gyms near you? They are great for leeting little ones zoom around in a safe environment (but not as crazy as soft play).

Vitalstatistix · 08/10/2014 14:19

come on, don't be so hard on yourself. Of course you're not a crap mum. They don't come with a manual we all have to stumble through all this as best we can

lottiegarbanzo · 08/10/2014 14:22

You're not being a crap mum, you're just going to have to put your social aspiration on hold and accept that your dd's play is the priority - as you seem to be really.

I envied all the parents of calm children who would just sit and play quietly. Up until dd was about 16 months, I was forever trying to start a conversation then having to dash after her. I gave up on attempted conversation for a few months!

DraggingDownDownDown · 08/10/2014 14:23

I can't imagine that a 10 month old baby is quicker than you!

MildDrPepperAddiction · 08/10/2014 14:25

Yep. YABU. As everyone else said you need to supervise her and not let her sit on other children/wreck stuff.

Marmiteandjamislush · 08/10/2014 14:34

Is she an only 1 op? I ask this not because I think you are PFB, but because I think, unless you have an older DC, your DD is a little too young for this kind of 'roaming' activity. IYSWIM. If I were you, I would look for things like library groups and rhyme and sing and Mother's morning type things until DD is a bit older

tabulahrasa · 08/10/2014 14:35

"I can't imagine that a 10 month old baby is quicker than you!"

Depends in the baby, DD was like letting a greyhound out of a trap, between about 6 and 11 months she was mostly just a blur. Luckily walking slowed her down, it was a bit of a shock to the system after a fairly calm normal speed DS.

BeattieBow · 08/10/2014 14:36

well I think the other mums are a bit precious then - she's only 10 months she's not going to cause too much damage!

I would be fine, but I'm in the more laissez faire camp too I think. agree that there may be a more relaxing playgroup that you could go to where the atmosphere is a bit more relaxed.

Often it's a case of saying the right thing (in a loud parenting type of way) and scooping your dd up just so the other mums think you're not a crap parent.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 08/10/2014 14:39

What about trying an indoor softplay instead one time? its sort of expected that little ones just rampage around in the toddler section so people are a lot less judgemental about it (unless you allow your PFB to climb up the slide then all hell breaks loose).

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