Other mums or just sensitive me?

[CantThinkOfAGoodUserName]

At playgroups I find that some mums get a bit annoyed at my now 10 month old baby (and me). DD is very active and dashes about wanting to play with others (usually older ones) and gets in there way or ruins there tower block or sits on them . From some of the mums I get a look that to me makes me feel like they don't want her to play with their child as she can't play properly I presume, I feel a bit cold shouldered by them in a way.
Do you think I'm just being too sensitive? Or do some mums not like other kids that do this? She's no way heavy handed by the way, she doesn't hit or poke or pull she is just enthusiastic let's say....

Some children just can't be taken to these groups I'm afraid. Others can be taken with LOTS of supervision.

It sucks, because yes, you do want to meet other mothers, and it's very lonely going and not having a chance to talk to them but them's the breaks I'm afraid.

It wasn't until DS2 was 4 that I was finally able to make 'friends' with other mums. Most of the mums of DS1's 'friendship' group were just inaccessible because I couldn't spend the time chatting with them because of DS2.

I persisted with playgroup as it wore dd out a bit, I never found I had more than a few minutes to chat with other mums while chasing dd around, I agree it comes much later.

Parents of non-mobile, non-vocal babies have a tenancy to think that their pfb would never, ever knock down blocks, or be so active you are running around ignoring chit-chat about which is your favourite Annabel Karmel recipe.

Imho

You are not a crap mum.

Is she your first child (sorry, can't remember if you have already said)? If so then you are on a huge learning curve, as were we all with our eldest.

10 months is very young. Mine were not even walking at that age, although it looks as though your child is. I used to have to be very on the ball with my eldest (now 19 and at uni) when she was that age. She had become a very fast crawler who loved to race up to other babies and swipe their dummies straight out of their mouths, usually leaving them screaming. She never wanted a dummy of her own and always discarded them, but the little devil DID want the ones other babies were sucking.

In social situations such as playgroups you do have to keep up with them, hard though it can be. I just had to keep pace with my daughter once I realised that was what she would do, so that she hardly ever caught me out again.

As others have already suggested, perhaps soft play would be worth a try for now. In a few months time your daughter will probably be much more ready for and able to cope with this type of playgroup (which can be very cliquey places when all the other parents know each other).

BeattieBow if you think a 10 month old couldn't be too destructive you didn't meet dd2 at that age. Fully walking at speed I'll swear she could reduce a whole room to rubble with a single glance

I would have been irritated with you for not intervening as your dd knocked down whatever my dc had built, as it would have reduced dd1 to tears and I would have feared for your dc's safety if they'd tried that with dd2 and ds. They would have moved for revenge with the speed of lightning. Hence why you'd have seen me sitting next to whatever they were doing.

Dd2 was also a dummy mugger at 6-7 months old if let unchecked.

I feel so bad now! But thanks for all the input. I feel I need to take some and next time to say sorry for her ways! She's not too bad, maybe I made it sound worse than is.... I always always keep an eye on her but I just thought it was good thing to let her explore etc. I have been stopping her when she tries to play with other children (or her view of playing ) but she is super duper quick and what with other kids scrambling around. I will from now on though try and keep her to play with me in one place. Unfortunately no soft play within 20-30 mins drive which is ok but can't do that on spur of moment. Thanks for input again though and I am living and learning!
Yes tis my first and she's not little really, most people think she's older

I'm not blaming her by the way. I realise its me that needs to step it up

I think the fact that you are on here, asking for advice and calmly taking on board the comments demonstrates you are not a crap mum. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Dont be hard on yourself! Shes little and you cant always get to them quick enough with lots of other little ones around (without standing on someone) one of mine was like lightning at that age .

Honestly, I'd have caught a greased pig easier than DD at that age.

Just hover near her ready to scoop her up when possible and apologise if you don't make it in time and you'll be fine.

Ah, well that may be another factor. It can be quite tough for mums of children who look older than they are, as other parents may base their expectations of your/your child's behaviour on the age they appear to be. Although at 10 months it is hard to believe she looks old enough to 'know better' (and everything she's doing seems perfectly normal for a baby or a toddler).

CantThinkOfAGoodUserName it is very hard to know if you are actually being too sensitive because I can't see what she is like and what the other kids are like.

If she is sitting on other kids all the time, knocking over other kids' blocks all the time and being destructive (and possibly getting into danger) then I agree that you definitely need to supervise her more. However, if these are occasional activities and other kids are also doing it too then I would imagine you are being a bit sensitive.

If you are being over sensitive this may be because you are finding it hard to chat to the other mums and are projecting your own fear of rejection (if you have any fears) on to the situation.

Maybe all the mums are secretly worried their kid is the naughty one. Cettainly it would help the others to know she is only 10 months. You said ... makes me feel like they don't want her to play with their child as she can't play properly I presume... No child of 10 months or any very young age has more than the simplest notion of what is right or wrong, (IMHO) and knocking things over is what they do some of the time! It is annoying for the child trying to build a tower that someone else wants to knock it down but maybe you could also build a small tower for her to knock down as you are talking to the other mums.

Please do not be hard on yourself, parenting is very hard and even harder if we think people are judging us.

She sounds perfectly normal for her age. My DS1 was an incredibly fast crawler, and delighted in knocking towers over and crawling over the top of carefully built railway track!

I can remember one of the first times I took him to a playgroup. A 3year old complained loudly about "Too many babies!"

You aren't a deal mum. The others are most likely just worried about her getting hurt by an unpredictable toddler.

Well I'm not good at all with confidence so I do always find it hard to chat with people and I haven't really chatted much to anyone so I haven't been sitting chatting away and letting her run riot I've just basically been letting her explore and observing her in her element but maybe I need to just be every ready to swoop and apologise. She isn't forever doing it italian and I probably am sensitive anyway (damned hormones)

CantThinkOfAGoodUserName if you don't mind my saying it may help you to have some time with other parents without dd in the evenings, just occasionally. If you are parenting with a partner, can you get out the odd evening for a social event without kids? Would you want to?

Our local NCT ran pub nights etc and movie nights. Quite fun and a way to build up good relationships with other parents.

I am also doing a parenting course (I have done MANY) and it is so nice to chat to other parents in a pleasant setting, coffee and cake at the local Christian cafe in the evening when the kids are in bed, it is harder I am sure for those parenting alone but we do get single parents to the group too!

Anyway, parenting is stressful and so hopefully you can overcome any nervous, watch your dd enough to keep her out of trouble but also build up friendships with other parents.

One last idea, buggy fit, or something similar, where you exercise or go for walks when your baby sleeps in their buggy, or something similar. Another way parents can connect together.

Best wishes.

Your daughter sounds very normal for a mobile baby, mine was very still at that age!

have pmed you.

Don't feel bad! 10 months is a tricky age because they are mobile (some more than others) but have absolutely no sense of what they are doing with their bodies. It's also probably about the youngest age you'd find at a playgroup (save for the much smaller non mobile babies) so again that makes it tricky.

I went to playgroups with DD age about 1, and found I was spending the whole time hovering literally right over her in case she nicked other kids' toys, trampled the babies or got flattened by someone bigger. IME it's only after about 18-20 months (and possibly later!) that you can watch them from more of a distance. So really, it's for you to decide if you still fancy it given you'd have to hover the whole time.

It is very difficult to chat to other adults at this stage. You can only really do it when your child happens to be playing next to their child - if your child wanders off you have to break off the conversation and go too... I found it rather unsatisfying and stopped going to playgroups tbh.

Of course if you have a very placid child it's different but doesn't sound like you do!

at Topseyt's dummy swiping daughter!