To think about straightening dd's hair age 7 ?

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Please be gentle with me, I'm putting my thread in this section because I don't know where to put it and I really need help !

My dd has problem hair. She has it shoulder level. It is really wavy underneath and straight ish on the top and we are trying to grow her fringe. She is feeling really self conscious about it and other children have been remarking on it. After a night sleep, it is full of knots so I brush it in the morning, put it in a pony tail and it really doesn't look pretty, it's half wavy, half straight. I have suggested to plait it but she refused.

What do you suggest me doing ? I'm great and original at hair style ! Should I straighten it ? Should I made her have a bob so maybe it will be easier to manage ? Help please !

My DD's hair is exactly the same. I did straighten it once but it looked odd and to be honest, it's just SO bad for their hair....it's too fine and young to be heated up like that.

Persevere and braid it tightly for school....also, brush it through with a bit of water with some conditioner in it....put it in a spray bottle....wash it with no shampoo only conditioner and let it dry naturally in the evening...use a tangle teaser....don't plait it at night as it will go mad like Kate Bush hair.

Plait it for school though.

I know it is hard as they get all sorts of influence at school but honestly instead of worrying about straighteners I would work on her self esteem and try to point out that success and happiness in life has fuck all to do with hair.

Go to a good hairdresser for advice?

My daughter's hair is similar.

If I were you, I wouldn't straighten (plenty of time for her to do that herself in her teens) but accentuate the curls. It's hard to know how to care for curly/wavy hair when you don't have it yourself, I know, but I find a bit of curl creme and no brushing of wet hair really brings out ringlets. Lots of brushing = frizz.

Obviously, when she wakes up with birds nest hair I brush it, and usually plait it to keep it neat. She doesn't have a fringe because of the frizz issue!

I think you need to go short. There are lots of lovely things you could do. Google 'photos children 1940s' and you'll see bobs and hair grips, I think they look sweet

No don't.

Learn how to take care of it properly to give her confidence.

My confidence was ruined because my mum tried to "fix" my hair, it was a hassle, too knotty etc. So now I hate my hair.

With my dd I never talk about her hair as a problem. I've spent a long time researching the best products for her hair (no sulphates, no silicones etc) and the best way to treat it.

If it is knotty, wash it before bed and comb with a wide tooth comb when it still had conditioner in it. Then plait it loosely for bedtime. The morning you can then spritz with water, comb easily then style.

Get her products for her hair type - try taking her to a decent hairdresser for advice.

But don't call her hair a problem. It isn't. It is misunderstood.

I'm with IamOld - I think it would be a terrible message to give her that her hair isn't acceptable as it naturally is, and that to fit in, she needs to start altering her appearance at such a young age. Plus you would risk permanently damaging her hair. Do work on her self-esteem - you sound quite invested in her hair looking nice, so is it possible she is picking up on your worry, too?

YABU. All straightening her hair will do (other than damage it) is to send her a loud message that she is not good enough as she is. This is the last thing that a 7yo needs to internalise.

I am no hair expert, so I would seek out a sympathetic child orientated hairdresser and get their advice on the best length and products to manage it.

That's a great idea from Nanny. And I totally agree with Clap, it's terrible for their hair, so I would avoid. A friend of mine completely ruined her hair with constant straightening from the age of 13 (it now won't grow past chin length for example) so I'd be very, very wary of introducing it so young.

Thank you ! Dd is having a hard at school, the hair is just one thing. She is over sensitive and doesn't seem equipped to deal with school life and other little girls. She is desperate to be liked, to fit in but she goes in too strong plus some of the girls are not particularly nice. It has been like that since she started school, she has periods when it is fine and other periods (like now) when it's not. The problem is she wants to friend with the "queen bees" group but they take the mic out of her. On Monday, I went to check on her before going home (she was staying for a club)...and I saw a particular group of girls moving every time dd wanted to seat next to them, she was all red and fighting against tears. It broke my heart.

My mum straightened my sisters hair every day from age 6.

Her problem was frizz - when she had a pony tail, the pony was around 8 inches wide iyswim. They weren't curls, or anything that could be coaxed into curls, it was just a massive mass of frizz.

She tried every straightening balm and mousse, and used to send her to bed with intensive conditioner and a shower cap on, to be rinsed in the morning but nothing helped.

Contrary to wrecking her hair, she's now 15 and has beautiful waist length glossy hair. I think that the more you straighten hair sometimes, the more conditioned it becomes to stay straight. My sister still has to straighten it and my mum was always religious with covering it in heat protection products before doing it, and it seems to have done no damage at all.

I would see a hairdresser for advice. It could be it just needs layering if you want to bring out the waviness. I don't think I would straighten it myself, not on someone still so young.

My dds hair is exactly the same its a nightmare and dd gets teased for it being a mess she is 16 now and staighten it when she can be bothered, you could straighten it but you could also treat it like curly hair and scrunch dry it and just put it in a pony tail. Dd1 had the same hair she cut it really short at 14 and it grew back straighter and didn't have that matted underneath thing going on, hairdresser once told me to comb it and not brush it

Aw I think this hair type is beautiful! Grow the fringe out, cimb in leave in conditioner with a little drop of serum to bring the curls out. For school plait or pop into a high bun.
Dont use heat- its not safe tbh as she isnt old enough to handle straighteners and can cause scarring if she tries to do it herself

A friend of mine completely ruined her hair with constant straightening from the age of 13 (it now won't grow past chin length for example)

Sorry but that's nonsense. Hair is essentially just dead skin cells - you can dye them, crimp them, cut them, straighten them, burn them to shit (as long as not the actual roots) - it won't affect how fast it grows. It will only affect what hair you already have.

I dont think there is any difference from straight ening a 7yr olds hair to a 16yr old fwiw its the same hair is hair loads of heat spray protects it. Dd uses a leave in coconut oil conditioner seems to combat the frizz. Do what you have to to make your dds life that bit easier

I'll never say anything negative to her of course. I want her to be happy. I was the same as a child as her, my mum kept my hair super short because she couldn't be arsed and I looked like a boy.

i would try to work withe curls. cut it to make it long enough to tie back in both high and low pony tails and use spry conditioner to style. try a half up and half down style. i would wash with baby shampoo too.

i have hair like you describe.

do not cut her hair short and do not straighten.

my mum cut my hair short as a child and i hated it so much. i got teased for looking like a boy for years and years.

Ah: I am sorry she is having such a hard time at school - that must be heartbreaking. I think bobs look really chic on little girls but they all seem obsessed with long hair (despite my best feminist efforts in this house!) so a high bun sounds good, or would it go in a French plait like Elsa in Frozen!?

Poor little thing, it must be hard to see her struggling. That would break my heart.
Leaving aside the hair issue, could you have a chat with her teacher about ways to help her when it comes to making friends? There probably will always be kids that others want to fit in with, but there are most likely others in the class with whom she would get along well with.

i would also say that i dont think having a fringe with wavy hair will do your dd any favours. i think it is easier to scoop it all back.

i have annoying wavy on top/ringlet underneath hair and im told having no fringe suits me best.

poor little dd - children can be so unkind.

H yes the half up half down is lovely I used to do that with dd as te straight is up and you get the wave undeneath iyswim. Also plaiting it wet over night helps

I braid DD's hair at night so it is not tangled in the morning.
I try not to brush it unless it is wet. If I have to, I use a few drops of Extraordinary Oil.

Do you say nice stuff about her hair?

She sounds lacking in confidence, poor girl. Can you foster outside interest for her beyond school?

OP, it must be heart-breaking to see your child being excluded by her peers, but having the 'right' hair isn't going to change that magically. I think you are risking making the hair stand for too much (possibly also because of your mother's attitude fro your childhood hair). Do talk to her teacher about talking to the class about kindness and sharing, and supporting your daughter in making friends - other schools have nice initiatives along these lines.