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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move to the countryside

39 replies

Amber76 · 07/10/2014 19:33

I've lived in the city (Ireland) all my life but a really lovely house is for sale in the countryside (about an hours drive away) and we are seriously considering buying it. We have seen no other house that is anywhere near as nice as this one.

We have two young children (3 and 1) and another due in 10 weeks. I'm not working but husband works close to our rented house and could possibly transfer to about 30 minutes from the new house but this may take a year or two.

We know nobody in this new area but we love the house and huge garden. No close neighbours and nearest activities for kids would be 15 minutes drive. School is fairly close - about a 6 minute drive but it is a small school. I'm worried that the kids won't have any friends living close by.

We would have no family close by but I currently live close to my family and get very little support from them so this wouldn't be a big issue. They think we are mad to move to somewhere so remote.

Husband grew up in countryside but not in as isolated a spot as this.

We need to move quickly if we are going to do this as baby is on the way and there are other people interested in the house.

Am I mad to move somewhere isolated where we know nobody?!

OP posts:
skylark2 · 07/10/2014 19:38

How will you feel about not speaking to another adult all day most days?

Wouldn't worry me, but I know a lot of people who would be utterly horrified at the concept.

chockbic · 07/10/2014 19:40

Bear in mind that your broadband might slow to a crawl.

Also rural electricity isn't a priority! Ours was off for 18 hours once.

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/10/2014 19:41

Where is the nearest shop, post box, dr's, hospital, fire station and pub?
Are you likely to get snowed in?
Is there any public transport or are you sure you can continue to run two cars?

Suefla62 · 07/10/2014 19:41

We lived in the country for 10 years when our kids were younger. As long as you plan shopping (so you' re not running to the store 4 times a day) and you don't mind being a taxi service it can work out. Sometimes it's incredibly boring but as long as you're happy with just yourself for company it's not too bad.

samsam123 · 07/10/2014 19:43

sounds bliss i would

WestmorlandSausage · 07/10/2014 19:46

Have a browse of the rural living topic www.mumsnet.com/Talk/rural_living

ignoring all the threads where people think being able to see trees means they are living rurally of course

Greenstone · 07/10/2014 19:47

Amber, I think you must be me, are you? Currently in Ireland facing same dilemma except that the baby is due in 4 weeks Shock and obviously no moving will take place before that.

I grew up somewhere semi-rural and it was amazing - but civilisation was never far away. DH grew up very rural and is the main agitator for a move to the country - he has quite romanticised views of it. I vacillate the entire time. I love the country but work from home and do worry about being on my own so much. However, I don't think the place we're currently considering is quite as rural as yours.

How far of a drive to buy a litre of milk, say?

It's a tough one so I'll be watching with interest. There are so many absolutely gorgeous properties in rural Ireland for really good value so the temptation is huge.

ilovechristmas1 · 07/10/2014 19:47

agree sounds wonderful

Mrsbaconandbeans · 07/10/2014 19:48

Lived in the country for 10 years - 3 kids. School friends and activities twenty mile round trip. Hence I was a constant taxi! When kids wanted to get part time jobs very limited and a 3 mile round trip if walked. Loved the peace and quiet, scenery etc. you need to be prepared for events such as snow and power cuts can happen at any time of year. Broadband speed slow but not a disaster. Things like digital radio and freeview a no no. You need to plan as there weren't any shops close by. Have moved to a village now and we love it but don't regret my time
In the country Wink

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 07/10/2014 19:48

Make a list of your priorities and a list of the pros and cons for this particular house/location and then be brutally realistic.

Stable electricity and broadband, supermarket deliveries, although I don't know if that's applicable? and so on, versus peace and space and the ideal house.

I can tell you my choice but I can't tell you what would work best for you.
We live in the middle of nowhere and it suits us just fine because the benefits far outweigh the negatives.

You need to do that you know, be really brutal about the ups and downs.

Fabulous46 · 07/10/2014 19:54

We live on a very rural farm. We grew up on farms so it wasn't an issue for us. All the kids grew up here and two of them now live rurally. I never get lonely and never did when the kids were small, but I did spend a lot of my life ferrying them to clubs and friends houses. Likewise, we made a huge effort with their friends coming to visit. The winter is hard where we are BUT I love the garden and watching my horses from the window. You need to think about supermarkets, GP's, transport to schools, clubs for the kids and especially in the winter.

Lonecatwithkitten · 07/10/2014 19:59

Being a teenager living some where very rural sucks you are totally reliant on your parents.
I grew up in the middle of no where now have to live on a bus route and able to walk for a pint of week.

Philoslothy · 07/10/2014 20:01

We live in the edge of a village, not much here and because we have quite a lot of land it is quite isolated. We moved from London.

We have such an amazing quality of life, my children have the kind of childhoods that you read about in books. I would never move back to a town/city whilst we have children at home.

Our house is also sleepover central so the children are not lonely.

babybythesea · 07/10/2014 20:04

I live in the arse end of nowhere. I love it.
I have 2 DD's, one aged 5, the other aged 1. We are in a tiny village, consisting of about 30 houses - we live right on one end, with open countryside on three sides of us.
It's two miles to the nearest pint of milk, two miles to school (in the opposite direction), five miles to the nearest post office and the docs is about seven miles away. The dentist takes half an hour plus to get to.
I thought I'd find it isolating, I don't. I love it.
I have learnt to be very organised. There is no popping out for a pint of milk, so it's part of the daily routine to check the milk and bread and get some if we are going out.
I do spend loads of time on the car ferrying kids to school/activities/friends but I don't mind.
I love the fact that we can stand in our garden and other than the house immediately next to us, we can't hear or see anyone else. I love the fact that my kids are semi-feral. I love that we have chickens and no-one is near enough to be bothered by any noise. I love the fact that we watch loads of wildlife straight out of our window (ravens, deer, owls, snakes, buzzards, sparrow hawks to name some of the most recent sightings). The view is to die for and beats anything out of Escape to the Country hands down.

But then DH and I always were country folk. It suits us. A friend of mine came to stay and said while she liked it for a few days, she couldn't even begin to imagine living here - it would be her idea of hell.

Philoslothy · 07/10/2014 20:04

We have quite a large family which may make a difference. My children do not give the impression of being lonely and they go from a few months to late teens.

They are quite reliant on us for lifts, although the eldest leaner to drive as soon as he could and DS will also learn as soon as he can.

Original poster
Amber76 · 07/10/2014 20:20

Thanks for all the responses so far!

Nearest shop is about a six minute drive - its next to the primary school. At a crossroads with a few other houses.

Nearest doctor, etc. is in a town just under a 15 minute drive away and this is where the kids would go to secondary school too. That town is lovely and has everything you'd need really. Nearest big hospital is 50 minute drive away.

I don't mind being a taxi service for the kids - I'm just worried that they will grow up wishing they lived in an estate and could walk to friends houses whenever they wanted (as I did growing up).

I love the idea of having chickens, a dog, a polytunnel, etc but I wonder if we're romanticising it and the reality will be an overgrown garden that we are overwhelmed by.

My husband loves the idea of moving there - he's 100% committed to it whereas I'm about 90% committed. It's just such a massive change for us - we currently live in a lovely suburb but we are renting and couldn't possibly afford to buy here. I honestly think this is one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make. We can't rent forever and we're getting older all the time so the amount of mortgage we can get will reduce all the time.

I would hate to move my kids out of school in a few years time because we made the wrong decision for us now.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 07/10/2014 20:22

I could never even consider it. I think it would drive me slowly out of my mind. There is so much more to life than the house you live in!

BreeVDKamp · 07/10/2014 20:24

Sounds perfect!! Only an hour away from your family anyway. Being a teen in the countryside wasn't an issue for me, my parents obviously knew they would need to give me lifts until I could drive so it was of course expected.
I would definitely do it. Small schools are friendly and life is much more exciting in the countryside :)

Sushiqueen · 07/10/2014 20:34

We previously lived on an estate and moved 160 miles away to a small village. We have a pub and a village hall. Nearest primary school is about a mile away and nearest shops about 3 miles away.

We are not rural in some sense and we do have buses that go to the nearest town. I do have to ferry DD around though as all the activities are in the town and the buses stop pretty early.

All the children get a school bus laid on by the council to the secondary schools which is free to under 16's - can be a longish journey fir done of them as it goes round lots of villages on the way.

Dd lives it though. She has the freedom to cycle wherever she likes, loves watching all the wildlife and lying in bed listening to chickens and sheep.

We rented in the area first though to make sure we were doing the right thing and don't regret it at all. It is not for everyone though.

Philoslothy · 07/10/2014 21:32

It does depend on your family.

There is more to life than your house, but there is so much more to rural living than that.

My children run free in fields,cycle down quiet lanes, go wandering with just a drink and a sandwich in their backpack, they pick fruit and veg from the garden or wild, they fish, they have watched animals being born. They collect their own eggs. They have the discipline of shovelling shit and getting up early to care for animals. They can bounce and shriek on the trampoline and nobody cares. They camp in the woods overnight - we have amazing Halloween parties! They have somewhere to hide - important in a busy house. We see amazing skies at night, I have laid out on the grass stargazing with DS 1. We can also have big parties and nobody cares.

Philoslothy · 07/10/2014 21:34

However we can't stream films on the internet during the early evening. We can't nip to the shops- cinema -bowling etc.

Only1scoop · 07/10/2014 21:38

Go for it....my dream would be to live in Rural Ireland....good luck

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/10/2014 22:10

I will warn of a huge garden.
It seems lovely in theory but it can be a bit of a 'curse'.
We had a huge huge garden for many years, spent a lorra lorra time looking after it, and ended up wishing for less at times.

Its the very very best if you have time and I would love it in that case, but in the real world with jobs and kids -not so much! Keep it as liw maintenance as you can at first, and see how it all works before committing to big veggie patches abd cottage garden planting.

I think you have it all sussed re:getting to grips with the fact that no amenities are a stone's throw.

I'd say go for it while the dc's are little.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/10/2014 23:06

Sounds like hell to me. Wouldn't you be really isolated with three tiny children?

minipie · 07/10/2014 23:25

Three comments:

  • do you actually want to live rurally, or do you just love the house? if it's just the house, don't do it. There's a reason many people choose to live in a small place in the city rather than a big place in the country.
  • I've heard that it's great to live rurally when your DC are say 4-11 but before that it's not so good (as you get lonely/no activities for toddler and baby age) and after that it's not so good (as DC find it boring/you become taxi service). So I'd say plan the move but wait at least a couple of years.
  • If neither of you grew up as rural as this then there is a risk you could be romanticising it... any chance of renting somewhere rural first to test the waters (that would mean letting dream house go, but would be more sensible...)