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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move to the countryside

39 replies

Amber76 · 07/10/2014 19:33

I've lived in the city (Ireland) all my life but a really lovely house is for sale in the countryside (about an hours drive away) and we are seriously considering buying it. We have seen no other house that is anywhere near as nice as this one.

We have two young children (3 and 1) and another due in 10 weeks. I'm not working but husband works close to our rented house and could possibly transfer to about 30 minutes from the new house but this may take a year or two.

We know nobody in this new area but we love the house and huge garden. No close neighbours and nearest activities for kids would be 15 minutes drive. School is fairly close - about a 6 minute drive but it is a small school. I'm worried that the kids won't have any friends living close by.

We would have no family close by but I currently live close to my family and get very little support from them so this wouldn't be a big issue. They think we are mad to move to somewhere so remote.

Husband grew up in countryside but not in as isolated a spot as this.

We need to move quickly if we are going to do this as baby is on the way and there are other people interested in the house.

Am I mad to move somewhere isolated where we know nobody?!

OP posts:

tinyshinyanddon · 08/10/2014 02:58

I think it really depends on your personality - I grew up in an isolated rural area although the nearest town was only 3 miles away. I say isolated because psychologically it was: we could see no other houses from our place. When I was smaller it was OK, fun even; but as we got older it was harder. I felt we never fitted in anywhere: not with the kids from the town because we lived in the country, but not with the country kids because we went to school in the town. Anyway, I made the decision to raise my kids in a town. I get stupidly excited seeing my kids running between their friends houses and talking to neighbors - something I never had as a kid.

So do you do well with just yourself or your family for company? Would you do well tending a garden that neighbors are not going to compliment (or not!)?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 08/10/2014 05:31

Depends really. I think people like the idea of living in the countryside but the reality of it can be different.

I grew up in a village, the nearest shop was two miles away. My parents had to drive us around everywhere which got frustrating for everyone. You say you don't mind but you will be picking your kids up when they're teenagers, a lot. It can be really boring.

You may not have mains gas or electric and having an oil or gas tank costs (my parents have an oil tank attached to their house and it's not cheap to fill). Internet is patchy and there's minimal phone signal. Two miles to the bus stop and buses every hour. Everything has to be well planned.

They get snowed in every year. Great when you're at school but not when you can't get to work or need food.

Saying that, we had friends in the village and spent our summers on our bikes and round each other's houses. It's also so quiet, no road noise, all you can hear are the birds and farm animals. In summer it's lovely and I like visiting.

If you've got kids at least live in a village so they have friends nearby. Is there a village hall or something nearby? As that's often very much part of the community and a good way to meet people. Neighbours are usually friendly and everyone will know each other.

lolalotta · 08/10/2014 05:52

I lived in the countryside for 5 years but only 10 mins from town, I got fed up with driving to and from town to see mine and DDs friends and for swimming/ shopping etc. We have moved and are no only a 3 min drive from the city centre. Despite where we lived being stunning I don't miss it.

TheLovelyBoots · 08/10/2014 06:06

I think Philsothy's setup sounds great, but I would not want to be so isolated with very young children.

I've spent my children's childhood in London - I needed the diversions and the dense population. I'm ready to leave now that they're a bit older and more self-sufficient. (I'm also older, surely that figures in).

lolalotta · 08/10/2014 06:12

BTW I have a friend who lives in rural Wales. It's half an hour from town. She is 5 mins from a village shop/ two mins from a tiny school. She has no children. As a student she lived in town/ fell for the romantic view of living in the country and stretched themselves to buy a 5 bed house. She's since changed her mind, finds it too isolating/ too much trouble in winter with snow etc and has put her house on the market in the hope of moving back to town. Unfortunately that was 8 months ago now with a handful of viewings. A very limited number if people want to live that rurally/ there's no jobs etc etc. it's a lovely house, she now worried they'll NEVER manage to sell and she's "stuck" there forever. It ison the market for what they paid for it 5 years ago too so sensibly priced.
Be warned!

lolalotta · 08/10/2014 06:13

Also bare in mind small schools can often close...

lolalotta · 08/10/2014 06:20

Plus since we have returned to the suburbs and my DD has statted school it is sooooooo nice she has one little friend a few doors down and on on the next street along and we walk to school with other school mum friends too, I LOVE the sense if community!

lolalotta · 08/10/2014 06:20

Sorry about typos

maninawomansworld · 08/10/2014 19:18

I am a farmer and my nearest neighbour is over a mile, nearest small town about 10 miles.
I love it but have never really known any different apart from going off to university (family farm so I grew up here and now own and run it).

You will however have to resign yourself to being a bit of a taxi service when the kids are teens, although you can minimise this by getting them into country pursuits like riding, fishing, hunting etc so they will be happier at home and not wan to be ferried to the nearest town every weekend. Happily as your kids are so young this should be much easier than if they were already much older.

Go for it!

Bowlersarm · 08/10/2014 19:22

190% out of 200% seems a good bet to me. The 10% which would make you not move looks very feeble.

Go for it OP. If it really doesn't suit you/the kids hate been so remote you can always move in 5 years, 10 years, whatever years. It doesn't have to be a lifelong commitment if it isn't working out. But you won't know unless you try it.

maninawomansworld · 08/10/2014 19:26

My teenage nephew (who lives in a town about 30 miles away ) actually begs to come and stay for the summer! He was here for the last 3 weeks solid of his summer holidays helping me start the harvest (he's 14 and is finally big enough to drive a tractor on his own) , he loves fishing , shooting and horse riding, I'm pretty sure he'd move in permanently if I let him.

Living in the countryside is hat you make of it. Yes it has hardships but they're more than made up for with the good bits!

LondonRocks · 08/10/2014 19:30

Not for me. I love seeing people and being able to walk to the shops if I need stuff.

googoodolly · 08/10/2014 19:47

Sounds like a dream to me - go for it! You could always move back.

coughdrops · 08/10/2014 20:12

We made the move from Dublin 3 years ago, albeit back to the area we're from. After 15 years in the city it was a big change. We're now a mile from the local village, 10 miles to biggish town. We love it. We've never had issues with being snowed in, our last winter in Dublin the city came to a standstill so I don't think location made much difference! Here there are also loads of things for kids to do, GAA, scouts, youth clubs etc.Have a good think about pros vs cons, and don't rush into it, but overall I'd recommend it :-)

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