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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so fucked off with this?

54 replies

monkeymamma · 07/10/2014 08:06

I am 30weeks pregnant with a massive bump and extremely uncomfortable.
I travel by train two days a week to get into work and I can't remember the last time I got my allocated 'half' of a double seat (ie full capacity of my actual seat). Appreciate that sounds petty but it's hard to be rational when you spend four hours a week precariously balanced on the edge of your seat (always seem to end up with the aisle seat - probs because of where/when I get on the train) feeling like I'm gonna fall off.
I hate to stereotype but I've got to say every single person who has pushed me into this position has been male. Only one of them has been of a bigger build which I can't resent, he was basically taking up the space he needed. I'm talking about space hoggers of perfectly average size who purposely 'take up' the maximum space they can.
Rant over!

OP posts:
grocklebox · 07/10/2014 11:13

Well stand up for yourself then! If you are always only getting half your seat, why do you put up with it?
Of course they shouldn't do it and are selfish assholes, but I've run out of sympathy for people who refuse to assert themselves. Loudly tell them they are in your space and tell them you expect them to move.

Numanoid · 07/10/2014 11:26

I hate when people do that. On my usual train the trend seems to be for women to take their seat, then have the seat beside them for their handbag. :/
I remember getting the train a few weeks ago, and sitting on a double seat facing another empty double seat. A lady got on, sat across from me, put a sports bag on the seat beside her and then put her handbag on the seat beside me. I felt like I should have a sign saying "it's not mine!" for the looks I got from people. Blush

Just ask people to move themselves/their possessions onto their own seat. I usually let things go but I refuse to pay for a monthly ticket so a handbag can get its own seat. Grin You should do the same OP, most people will move and not make a fuss about it. :)

Numanoid · 07/10/2014 11:28

Although up there with my worst experiences is having to stand (not bad in itself) and the woman behind me coughing all over my bare arm, not bothering to cover her mouth or even apologise. Angry
Ah, public transport!

penelopicon · 07/10/2014 11:30

I had a man on the Tube threaten to cut my f*ing leg off, then tell me he'd kill me, all because my FOOT brushed his, and I kept nudging him accidentally when the train moved - I was 7 months pregnant, he had his legs so wide I could barely fit on the seat (he was also sitting in the priority seat). Eventually I just said to him "does it make you proud trying to intimidate a pregnant woman?" And when I got up at my stop, I looked down at his crotch and said "it's not that big sunshine, I think you've got inadequacy issues"

No one else on the very crowded train made a peep! Thankfully I was in "my hormones are making me bitchy" mood and not "my hormones make me want to cry forever" mood that day!

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 11:34

Good on you penelopicon these men need that being said to them. I dread to think what sort of partner he is!

Numanoid · 07/10/2014 11:35

That's horrible penelopicon, I'm surprised that no-one else said anything to him either. :(

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 11:36

I would have thought the carriage would give you a resounding clap for your assertiveness, I would have.

mausmaus · 07/10/2014 11:40

yanbu and yabu

claim your space. he obviously doesn't have a problem coming close.
touching a men's thigh will not give you a disease nor will it give the ordinary male pleasure or 'wrong' signals.

buy the largest newspaper possible and spread out!

RegTheMonkey1 · 07/10/2014 11:43

I spent 30 years living and working in London and commuting on the tube. When I was younger I was unassertive and put up with lots of stuff - flashing and so on. Until an older woman gave me some tips. I put one of them into use the very next day. The tube was crammed and lots of us were all strap hanging near the doors. I felt a hand on my backside, waited for a second to see if it was an accident, realised it wasn't, and reached behind me grabbed the offender's wrist and held it above my head saying loudly 'does this hand belong to anyone, cos I just found it on my arse'. Cue lots of heads being hidden behind newspapers and the mad rush of the offender trying to squeeze through the crush to get off at the next stop.
And let's not even go into the time the man sat opposite with a hole cut in the crotch of his pin-stripe trousers, with his cock and balls nestling on the seat.

KissMyFatArse · 07/10/2014 11:48

Crimson GrinGrin

littledrummergirl · 07/10/2014 12:15

When you sit down aim for the whole seat; either they move or you sit on their leg, obviously with a bump you are going to land heavily on them, just make sure you are prepared.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 13:13

Good on you Reg, more women should be assertive! why the hell did that man have his meat and two vegetables on display, disgusting. Did you tell him to rake them back to the green grocers Grin

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 07/10/2014 15:04

I once told a leg spreader on the tube "Unless you have a tumour on your bits you need to close your legs or I'll sit in your lap!". God that was a good day!

FrenchJunebug · 07/10/2014 15:29

Just ask them to move. Saying excuse me and looking at them pointedly will never work.

When I was pregnant, I always asked politely for seats I was entitled to. I didn't expect or assume people would give it to me. It could be rudeness but it could also be the fact that PEOPLE ARE NOT MIND READERS!

YouTheCat · 07/10/2014 15:36

But she has asked them to move and they don't.

Edge out. Spread yourself gradually. If they get in your space, tread on their feet.

RegTheMonkey1 · 07/10/2014 16:44

The man with the hole in his trouser was sitting opposite reading the Financial Times. He kept coughing in a kind of AHEM sort of way. I was reading but eventually these 'ahems' filtered through to me and I looked across, whereupon he slowly lifted the opened newspaper to reveal the hole in the trousers and the old chap hanging out. I was too young to know how to handle it then, so just got up and moved seats.

But to get back to pregnant women, I always got up to offer them a seat, and once turned back to see that a man who had been standing had nipped in and taken the seat I'd just stood up from! I was about to tell him what for when another woman sitting opposite butted and in with an 'oi you! That seat was for that woman over there'. He was going to sit and brazen it out, but then I fired in as well and he had to get up, tutting and muttering.

The other thing nowadays is seeing mothers letting their able bodied children sit in a seat while elderly men and woman have to stand. When I was young my mother would have had me up and standing in a flash to give the seat to the older person.

Mammanat222 · 07/10/2014 16:48

Yes YABU as according to Mumsnet us pregnant women have to beg and cry for a seat / our part of a seat because being pregnant isn't an illness and other people are tired and fat too so deserve a seat / a seat and a bit.. blah, blah.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 07/10/2014 16:50

Reg I think that was a pretty good way of dealing with it. Mind you...nowadays I'd AHEM him and then kick him in it.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 17:07

Reg that is disgusting, the audacity of some men, really! Good on you for telling that other man off, he needed to be told tge idiot!

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 07/10/2014 17:40

I couldn't find it either :( hate that

www.buzzfeed.com/alisonvingiano/men-taking-up-too-much-space-on-the-train-is-the-feminist-tu?s=mobile#2qhbh8f

Original poster
monkeymamma · 07/10/2014 17:43

Bleugh reg that is horrific! And penelopicon, what a vile man. I'm so glad you stood up to him.
Andrewfogg what a lovely post. I wish a few more people could remember basic manners. Nice to hear from a chap on this thread before we descend into man hating! And someone made a very good point about women hogging seats with handbags, I guess I was being a bit unfair in seeing this as a male thing.
But to all the posters telling me to be more assertive: I was! And I got jabbed in the arm for it! I know pregnancy's not an illness etc but I do genuinely feel more vulnerable and don't feel like taking on someone being obviously aggressive.

OP posts:
ignominious · 07/10/2014 17:46

When I was pregnant I rarely got offered but I had such a bad pregnancy I would always ask. Almost every time, I got some combination of refused, glared at , sworn at, and yelled at.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 07/10/2014 18:10

Drives me mad - I'm more forceful now though. 'Move over please, I need to sit down properly' usually works.

The people who really piss me off are the women who sit in the window seat with their handbag on the seat between the window and them.

Again 'move your bag please' works better than 'could you....?'

Shockers · 07/10/2014 18:11

If someone spreads their leg into your space, rub it suggestively from knee to upper thigh. When they question you, giggle, wink theatrically and say, 'I thought you wanted me to... why else would you put it there?'

CerealMom · 07/10/2014 18:13

Good advice from "LittleDrummerGirl*.

Don't make eye contact, just go for the seat and heavily sit down. They will move.

Worst one for me was on a coach I used to get to and from work. Full coach, hot sweaty summer, only spare seat next to me (I'm wedged in next to window), I had loads of bags with me that day - so bags under seat/feet etc...

Man sat next to me and his coat flopped over my right leg. Didn't think anything of it. After a while I feel his hand, well fingers on my leg, think squeezing. I shuffle thinking 'oh he doesn't realise'. Yeah right, 2 minutes later the hand returns. I ask him to remove the coat, ' it's hot, would you mind removing your coat please'. He growls at me - growls.

We're all regulars on the coach, man behind me clocks something's up. I say loudly, 'this man won't remove his hand from my leg'. Driver gets involved and removes the freak. Glad we hadn't hit the M1 by this stage. Thank you fellow Green Line commuter and driver.