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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's rude not say hello

44 replies

squiggler · 07/10/2014 08:05

There's a mum at DCs nursery (my DC plays with her DC all the time) who completely blanks me in the mornings. She knows who we are as dcs point out and say that's squiggler's/other dc's mum. Fully understand that most parents are busy hurrying off to work in the morning. This morning dc and I were walking up to nursery and walked past her (empty street, only us around) so I looked at her and said hi and she totally ignored us. Wouldn't mind so much except for the fact that our DCs play together at nursery.
AIBU to think it's rude?

OP posts:

scratchandsniff · 07/10/2014 08:07

Yes, that does seem rude. A 'hello' doesn't take much and doesn't mean you have to become best friends. Some people are just that rude though.

sparrowno1 · 07/10/2014 08:08

Does she say hello to other people?

OraProNobis · 07/10/2014 08:09

Exactly what scratch said. Some people are just rude. But bear in mind she may be very shy or having impaired hearing or any number of other reasons - or she might just be very rude. Given that she doesn't speak to you anyway I'd try a couple more times then tell her how very rude she is. Nothing to lose!

londonrach · 07/10/2014 08:10

Whats she like later in the day. Is it just a morning thing. Maybe shes half wolf until she has her morning coffee then turns into a friendly lab. Yes its rude op.

LL12 · 07/10/2014 08:10

It is very rude, unfortunately there does seem to be more and more people like this nowadays.

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 07/10/2014 08:13

Did she see you? When I'm walking to work I go into my morning bubble of not-quite-fully-caffeinated-and-quite-tired. I probably wouldn't notice my own mother if she walked past me!

EBearhug · 07/10/2014 08:15

I remember taking a boyfriend home (to Dorset) once. He was from near London. We went out for a walk, and he commented on how everyone we passed said hello, even if we didn't know them from Adam.No one stopped for a conversation or anything, they just acknowledged us as they passed.

I didn't think anything of it, as it was normal to me, but he thought it was unusual and nice.

But yes, not even smiling or saying good morning as she rushes off is odd. Maybe she's really shy, rather than rude?

AmberLav · 07/10/2014 08:34

Could be a number of reasons, I never used to spot people outside the office till I started wearing contacts every day, and if they said hi, they'd normally be passed me before I realised who it was...

Up till about 2 weeks ago, I would see the dad of DS's friend everyday, he never even looked up at us till one day recently, and now he is hugely chatty - we'd been walking past each other 3 days a week for about a year up to that point (I eventually broke and shouted Hi X's dad!)...

I wouldn't worry about it, life's too short... and she may just be massively into herself, and a bit rude... you can't fix people, sometimes you just have to accept people as they are...

Mrsjayy · 07/10/2014 08:40

Blanking somebody on purpose is rude and awkward hate when people do that. Dd had a friend all the way through both school s the mum was hot and cold it really confused me the friend left high school in the summer now if I see the mum she just ignores me least I know where I stand I suppose sigh

TiggerLillies · 07/10/2014 08:42

Something similar happened to me, turned out the person couldn't see me as needed glasses. I only found out whenI directly asked her if I had done something to offend her. Also wonder if she could have hearing problems?

melika · 07/10/2014 08:47

Grow a thick skin, like I had to, who cares whether she needs her coffee, she is damn rude.

FruVikingessOla · 07/10/2014 08:59

Well, it does seem rude. But maybe she suffers from face-blindness?

ARainyDay · 07/10/2014 09:12

I've walked past someone and been so engrossed in conversation or calculating something in my head that I've only realised I looked at their yes without saying hi, when it's too late because the moment has passed.

To be fair they didn't say hi either, but I've felt bad because I like to acknowledge people that I know.

I wonder if this person is vacant in a similar way and may be mortified to know it's taken as rudeness? Maybe reach your arm out in her direction even if you don't touch her arm, that might wake her up a bit.

Mrsjayy · 07/10/2014 09:18

As someone else said you just need to accept it,

redskybynight · 07/10/2014 09:19

OH dear, if I'm walking down the road I go into a world of my own. I've had friends literally jumping up and down in front of me, waving at me, calling my name and I still don't see them ...

mutternutter · 07/10/2014 09:24

Did she see you or hear you. I am super shy so never speak to other parents. Would love to. I am just so shy its embarrassing

SaucyJack · 07/10/2014 09:25

I agree it's rude not to say hello back when the person is right in front of you.

Don't agree it's rude not to say hello to other parents generally tho. She's just there to pick her kid up. She's not obliged to give anyone else the time of day.

Some of us are just not people persons.

notagainffffffffs · 07/10/2014 09:29

She might be rude but my suffer facial blindness like my mum- if I bp into her where shes not expecting me it takes her a full minute to recognise me

Rusticated · 07/10/2014 09:32

Honestly, I don't think a severely shy person would be unable/unwilling to mutter 'hi' in response to someone who greeted her every day - even if she were too shy to actually be the first to say hello. I would discount shyness here. Who knows why she says nothing? We can speculate about face blindness, visual impairment etc, but it remains a mystery.

I've had one instance of this myself. We moved to a village and I used to take my baby to the olayground often, and older children would play with him. The mother of a nice eight year old girl who lived almost next door to the park came in to get her one day, and we ended up having a long conversation. I was delighted, because I liked what I saw of her, and hadn't met anyone I felt was a kindred spirit since we moved. We parted on (I thought) cordial terms, and though we've encountered one another often on the street, she has not returned my 'hello' or smiled in the year or so since our initial encounter. No idea...

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 09:44

Yes very very rude, even if a stranger says hello, you say hello back, it's good manners. My friend is from Uganda, and cannot understand why people are like this.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/10/2014 09:47

I have no time for people lacking such basic social skills and pleasantries. I'd be inclined to call out 'Cooeeee, morning' very breezily whenever she walls past you

NoImSpartacus · 07/10/2014 09:49

There's nowt so queer as folk, OP.

And yes, if she blatantly ignored you, she was rude.

kentishgirl · 07/10/2014 10:15

If she is blanking you deliberately, then she's rude.

However, I'm often in a world of my own. To the extent that I honestly wouldn't see someone wearing a banana costume jumping up and down in front of me. I am frequently surprised by cups of tea that magically appear on my desk at work, or on the table next to me at home, as I haven't registered the person walking over to me, saying something, and putting it down for me. Those who know me are used to it and understand I don't mean to be rude - and I'll go and find them and say thank you when I come out of my fugue.

I'm sure I've walked past lots of people without realising.

micah · 07/10/2014 10:24

I have a hearing issue which means everything is background unless I'm looking directly at you.

I've quite often been walking along, planning the day in my head or thinking about crossing the road and not realised someone has said hello to me. My brain doesn't process language quickly and by the time I've realised someone's said hello, and that it was meant for me, and where I know them from and who they are, and I need to slow down and return the greeting, I've gone :).

id be looking out the next day to say hi though, as long as I saw you roughly at the same time/place I'd manage it!

I'm often accused of ignoring people at home too, you need to make sure you have my attention!

kikisunflower · 07/10/2014 10:31

I could go on about all the different reasons why she is being like this. However as a test force her to strike up a conversation with you about your children. It could be your child has upset hers and she has taken umbrage about it and instead of discussing it with you prefers to blank you. Talk to your child's key worker to see if there have been any specific instances. It usually is more likely to be shyness than rudeness tbh. If it rudeness then there will be a reason.

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