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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dp's sister wedding

34 replies

mrsm16 · 06/10/2014 18:10

My dp's sister is getting married abroad next august. Me, dp and ds (2) had all planned on going,ds was asked to be pageboy. Flights have just been released are going to be 850 quid for all of us, accomodation a minimum of 600 quid, add into the mix that I am now pregnant with twins who will be around 4 months at the time of the wedding and the logistical nightmare that would bring. We will be very strapped for cash needing to change cars and getting all the extra things that come with twins while saving for our own wedding the following year.
so aibu to send dp on his own? and will I cause no end of family upset when it's announced?

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 06/10/2014 18:12

Could he take DS? They could share a room. Don't blame you really, that's a lot of money and adding twins into the mix.

Yikes.

HeySoulSister · 06/10/2014 18:13

Why put extra pressure on yourselves for some 30 min service? I'm Shock if you are expected to pay all that!

LeftRightCentre · 06/10/2014 18:16

Send him with your DS.

HaroldLloyd · 06/10/2014 18:17

I think if you marry abroad you can't be funny if people can't afford it to be honest, I would hope they would take it with good grace.

SantanaLopez · 06/10/2014 18:17

I'm expecting twins too, congratulations Flowers

I think you would be mad to go. YANBU.

WipsGlitter · 06/10/2014 18:17

I'd send DP and DS.

HaroldLloyd · 06/10/2014 18:18

I would send DP and DS so he can still be page boy, if that's financially possible and you stay home.

Apart from anything else I would prefer to only have 2 children to look after for the duration so I would see that as a bonus for me as well.

Anotherchapter · 06/10/2014 18:20

You would be mad to go. Send dh with ds.

SweetsForMySweet · 06/10/2014 18:20

I'd send dp & ds (since he is pageboy). They will probably have another gathering when they come home for anyone who doesn't go abroad so you can go to that instead?

phantomnamechanger · 06/10/2014 18:21

in my opinion you would be mad to even consider going! sod what they think!
if you don't have other family close by to call on, there's a good argument for DH not going either TBH

BookABooSue · 06/10/2014 18:21

Personally I'd follow dp's lead on it. If he wanted me to go then I would.

If you were planning on going originally then it won't cost any more with twin babies. You won't have to pay for flights for them and presumably you won't be the only ones travelling to the wedding so there should be lots of help for negotiating the airport, flights, etc.

If it was my sister then I'd want to see her get married and I'd want my dp and dcs to be with me if at all possible. tbh the thought of staying home alone with twin babies sounds like more of a nightmare to me than taking them to a wedding abroad where I could palm them off let granny, grandad and other relatives look after them for a little while.

KnackeredMuchly · 06/10/2014 18:22

I'd send him with DS.

4 month old twins - someone would be very unreasonable to be upset if you decided not to go.

HaroldLloyd · 06/10/2014 18:26

I would rather stay home on my own for a thousand years than take twins on a flight at four months personally!

Original poster
mrsm16 · 06/10/2014 18:30

Thanks everyone, to send ds would be 500 for flights for the two of them and accomodation around 350-400 so not that much saving compared to sending dp on his own for 500 flights and accommodation. We didn't realise just how dear it was going to be when she first announced it, and we didn't have the extra stress of setting our lives up for twins.
dp is happy to go on his own and my mam will move in for the fews days to help me. I hope she'll understand but one of the first thing she said when we told her about the twins was what about the wedding. Think il let dp visit on his own to break the news. mil agrees with us which is something!

OP posts:
Itsfab · 06/10/2014 18:30

I think people have a cheek to expect people to spend that amount of money just to see them married and have a meal never mind the twin thing! Do they know you are pregnant again?

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 06/10/2014 18:33

How come your ds goi g make it more expensive?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 06/10/2014 18:35

Over 2 you have to pay for a flight ticket. So i guess DS will be 3 when they intend to fly.

HaroldLloyd · 06/10/2014 18:39

Fair enough on DS. I don't think she will mind.

Leeds2 · 06/10/2014 18:46

I would send OH and DS, so that DS can still be a page boy.

Dropdeadfred2 · 06/10/2014 19:02

why can't your son go too?

PrincessOfChina · 06/10/2014 19:04

Why is DS's ticket so much more expensive than DH's? And surely he can just share the accommodation?

Bowlersarm · 06/10/2014 19:07

Send your son too. Not sure why he can't still be a page boy.

NotMNRoyalty · 06/10/2014 19:11

Just send DH. Much more relaxing for him and you. You can spend some time with your Mam and he can spend some with his family. You could take the happy couple out for a lovely meal when they get back. (Maybe your Mam could babysit). It's so much money. Its helpful that your MIL agrees with you.

Congrats on the pregnancy.

Original poster
mrsm16 · 06/10/2014 19:16

flights for dp are around 280 with a bag, ds would be 220. If dp goes on his own he can share with his single cousin, if ds goes he will have to get a room for both of them so would be dearer than sharing with another adult (or gatecrashing his parents room which he has mentioned but don't think they'll be too impressed with that!)

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 06/10/2014 19:17

Ha! She's got a bloody cheek to ask what about the wedding. With th additional unexpected costs of twins she's lucky you're thinking about sending your DH and DS.

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