dp's sister wedding

[mrsm16]

My dp's sister is getting married abroad next august. Me, dp and ds (2) had all planned on going,ds was asked to be pageboy. Flights have just been released are going to be 850 quid for all of us, accomodation a minimum of 600 quid, add into the mix that I am now pregnant with twins who will be around 4 months at the time of the wedding and the logistical nightmare that would bring. We will be very strapped for cash needing to change cars and getting all the extra things that come with twins while saving for our own wedding the following year.
so aibu to send dp on his own? and will I cause no end of family upset when it's announced?

Ah, I understand now about the room cost.

I'd still send them both though tbh.

Could dh share with his cousin and ds with his grandparents?

I think it would be nice if your ds went too

Whether you go or not won't make a huge difference to the cost, apart from your flight. Travelling with 4 months old is easy, I find. I regularly fly with my three, it is mildly stressful but no biggie really, especially with an older child in tow. My 3rd is currently 4 months and really easy. Post newborn stage but pre-crawler and not weaned, happy to sit in a rocker admiring his newfound hands!

Splitting forces is a good idea. My sister got married (abroad) the same day as DH's cousin. I went on my own to my sister's with the baby (6 months), he went to his cousin's.

I saw a quote today, it went along the lines: if you really want it, you find a way, if you don't, you find an excuse. I am not suggesting you are looking for excuses, you could have a great pregnancy, good birth & easy babies and the wedding would be a blast. Equally you might be exhausted, sore C section scar, premie babies plagued with colic and the wedding would just be a burden. What do you actually want to do?

Congrats on the twins!

If it's going to cost an extra £500 or so to send your DS I wouldn't bother -he's not going to care is he?! Send DP on his own

I think you could send ds and dh without the very high extra cost. Flights are expensive, no matter what. But dh and cousin could still share with a small bed for ds. Or get an apartment with pil.

I totally understand he issues of cost but I would say if you can find a way to send ds, you will really be showing willing and dh's family would hopefully appreciate that.

No way on earth would I go with four month old twins.

We went to my uncles wedding when dd2 was 7 months and it was a pita having to take bottles/formula/a million changes of clothes and that was staying in the uk.

For twins it may not cost more for flights/accomodation but there's all the extra clothes plus two sets of bottles/formula/steriliser if you're ff, even if bf it would be exhausting for you.

Stay home and if SIL doesn't like it then tough, she should have thought of that before getting married abroad. Plus your MIL agrees so that will help. I take it SIL doesn't have kids yet or she'd understand you saying you can't go. Yes it's nice that she wants you to go as well as your DP but at the end of the day it will be you that has to deal with travelling with twins, not to mention the cost which is money that no doubt you'll have much more important things to spend it on.

When my twins were 4 months old I still found it difficult to brush my teeth everyday!

Congratulations!

If it were me, I would stay at home with the 4 month old twins. Your son can still go with your dp and be a pageboy. That is a great compromise, and she doesn't have to recruit another pageboy.

If you get married abroad, you just have to accept that not everyone you want to have there can get there.

I tend to see this type of wedding (where there is no personal/family connection to the location) as very selfish - the bride and groom are not only redistributing the cost of their wedding onto their guests, but are dictating where and when these guests are having their main/only holiday for the year.

If his sister wants your son as a pageboy, then the costs of getting him there should fall to her, as part of her costs for having people dance to her tune. She could pay for the flight, your DP bunks in with single cousin, DS with grandparents.